luvflower Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Is there some manual or secret society that men are living by, especially recently? Is it just me or does anybody else notice how many women , myself included, he have mentioned issues of men playing games. Games that include pulling back or making broken promises then expecting the female to show them love& attention. Is there a book or website that guys are coached by? I know guys talk, but there seems to be an epidemic! People who are in lasting relationships...have you decided to overlook the games & a few inconsistencies or is your relationship free of games and/or inconsistencies? Please share. I'm very discouraged at this point regarding even trying to figure out this thing called dating, love, like, etc...
refurb Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Yes, there is a "game" manual. Do a google search, you can find it. I think there is a lot of value in reading them, there is a lot of crap in them, but there is also a lot of truth. It's like a "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" for guys. If you run game like they do in the books, you'll have a great time at attracting insecure, unstable, emotional women. If you read them and then date more stable women, you'll still learn (generally) how the female psyche works. RF
ascendotum Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The www is probably contributing to a degree with some elements of game playing, but then it not like women especially in their 20s don't do this as well. Flakey/self centered dating behaviour begets further flakey/self centered dating in other people. (I am not saying women start it) As for broken promises, women would have been complaining of this back in the days of steamships, I have no doubt. Its easier to do now as we dont date in our own little community where there used to be shaming from your family, friends + church going neighbors.
You'reasian Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Is there some manual or secret society that men are living by, especially recently? Is it just me or does anybody else notice how many women , myself included, he have mentioned issues of men playing games. Games that include pulling back or making broken promises then expecting the female to show them love& attention. Is there a book or website that guys are coached by? I know guys talk, but there seems to be an epidemic! People who are in lasting relationships...have you decided to overlook the games & a few inconsistencies or is your relationship free of games and/or inconsistencies? Please share. I'm very discouraged at this point regarding even trying to figure out this thing called dating, love, like, etc... Basic rules: 1. If you're an acidic, manipulative, whiny b!t$h to a man whom you attempt a relationship with, promises break easier and pulling back is more appealing. 2. See the above. 3. If you're not one of the above, then you're meeting the wrong people. Questions? lol
DonJuanInc Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 While there IS a society of men who teach dating skills, including books, seminars etc. - I highly doubt that's the reason you're running into this (unless you live on sunset boulevard, then you might have a case). It's far more likely you're going for guys who aren't solid people.
wilsonx Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Is there some manual or secret society that men are living by, especially recently? Is it just me or does anybody else notice how many women , myself included, he have mentioned issues of men playing games. Games that include pulling back or making broken promises then expecting the female to show them love& attention. Is there a book or website that guys are coached by? I know guys talk, but there seems to be an epidemic! People who are in lasting relationships...have you decided to overlook the games & a few inconsistencies or is your relationship free of games and/or inconsistencies? Please share. I'm very discouraged at this point regarding even trying to figure out this thing called dating, love, like, etc... Its so easy to just blame men. Yes there is the PUA thing going around. How about taking a look inward at yourself and question why is it I am attracting these types of men. Not every guy is like this. You are probably have these rigid standards in what you want in a guy and voila, you get it, the whole package. Open up your standards, set some personal boundaries and do it right. I have been talking to a female friend and she has already found 2 categories of guys just by dating them. She's labeled them "The fakers/liars" and the "smart ones" - both of these groups just want sex they just go about it differently. She's on the path to avoid these 2 groups.
Cee Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The only pop advice that I ever found helpful was: He's Just Not That Into You. That pretty much explains everything. Pretend for a moment that you have a platonic friend who you find nice, but boring and a little bit annoying. And this friend wants to hang out all the time with you. Likely you might go out with this friend sometimes, but make excuses about being busy other times. We are socialized not to be blunt and rude in courtship. So in the end, we behave badly by leading people on. When guys play games, it's because they only sort of like me. There are player types out there too, but usually they aggressively get what they want and move on quickly. I know it hurts that most men won't like us. But it only takes one good man and one good woman to make a relationship. We really don't need men flocking to us. Only one. Now, finding that one is the hard part.
grkBoy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Its so easy to just blame men. Yes there is the PUA thing going around. How about taking a look inward at yourself and question why is it I am attracting these types of men. Not every guy is like this. You are probably have these rigid standards in what you want in a guy and voila, you get it, the whole package. Open up your standards, set some personal boundaries and do it right. I have been talking to a female friend and she has already found 2 categories of guys just by dating them. She's labeled them "The fakers/liars" and the "smart ones" - both of these groups just want sex they just go about it differently. She's on the path to avoid these 2 groups. Here's the opinion I agree with. The OP might get mad at the "games" like many women do, but how many of the women still chase the game players over the guys who call when they say they'll call and give her attention and care? Let's face it...the PUA tricks, the "bad boy" mentality, the games, and even treating women "badly" to a degree...those guys get girlfriends and get laid. The men who are gentlemen, caring, polite, respectful, etc...they get rejected. What do you women expect men to do? If you women don't want game players then chase men who don't play games...just accept though that they won't come "packaged" as the game players.
Author luvflower Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 The www is probably contributing to a degree with some elements of game playing, but then it not like women especially in their 20s don't do this as well. Flakey/self centered dating behaviour begets further flakey/self centered dating in other people. (I am not saying women start it) As for broken promises, women would have been complaining of this back in the days of steamships, I have no doubt. Its easier to do now as we dont date in our own little community where there used to be shaming from your family, friends + church going neighbors. good point(s)!
Author luvflower Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Basic rules: 1. If you're an acidic, manipulative, whiny b!t$h to a man whom you attempt a relationship with, promises break easier and pulling back is more appealing. 2. See the above. 3. If you're not one of the above, then you're meeting the wrong people. Questions? lol Well, I'm definitely not whiney. im more of the laid back type of chic. Usually upbeat. Most men try to push my buttons to get a reaction out of me. that's when I notice the game playing and I retreat. they then wonder what's wrong w/me...? Hence the two stalkers/exs i've had... These type of guys probably had issues prior to me, i'm sure.
Author luvflower Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) Here's the opinion I agree with. The OP might get mad at the "games" like many women do, but how many of the women still chase the game players over the guys who call when they say they'll call and give her attention and care? Let's face it...the PUA tricks, the "bad boy" mentality, the games, and even treating women "badly" to a degree...those guys get girlfriends and get laid. The men who are gentlemen, caring, polite, respectful, etc...they get rejected. What do you women expect men to do? If you women don't want game players then chase men who don't play games...just accept though that they won't come "packaged" as the game players. LOL, I can't hate the game/"game" just the player and how they choose to take things to the extreme... we all play game to some extent. Firstly, I'm not the chaser type. I'm always persued. Additionally, I don't give attention to men if they start behaving in a way I truly object to because that only reinforces their negative behavior. I definitely don't like bad boy types, but I do like attractive men. typically that chisled, athletic ,tall or medium heighth, confidence, good character...but then that character ends up turing sour when I don't give them the attention they want...? what?? What i've found is that when a guy doesn't have confidence and a female does or vice versa, the person with little confidence tries to get reactions from the person with confidence to "break them". this is what i have little patience for and will drop a dude real quick, because it's so immature...know this, guys! Perhaps though, I'm giving giving in too soon to men who show me attention. I probably need to make them "work" longer? Is that it guys? or do you consider that a game as well. It's almost like we can't avoid some sort of game. Who wants to be considered easy, weak or on the other extreme too overbearing(an adjective that I never get because i'm usually so laid back that men don't really think I care, but I do...!) Edited September 19, 2011 by luvflower
norajane Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Just be honest and genuine, both with yourself and with the guys you date. The men that respond to that with their own honesty and genuine thoughts and feelings are the ones to keep. Don't waste time on the others.
surferchic Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Excellent advice @ NORAJANE. There's no science to this thing called dating and love... No one has all the answers, not even these books. Why? Because each of us is different. You said it yourself LUVFLOWER...you typically are laid back. I'm the same way so I can related. Guys(people) tend to test you a lot when you don't show emotions much or respond to everything they do. Both women and men need our egos stroked from time to time, but I think men moreso than women. That being said, we all need vailidation, but it is in no way our responsibility to validate another human being...it's like chasing your tail. Both parties must come together with their own confidence and know their own worth. The variables comes into play when people choose to play games by trying to get a reaction from the other person for their own selfish reasons, only God knows what those reason can be at any given moment...
Author luvflower Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Excellent advice @ NORAJANE. There's no science to this thing called dating and love... No one has all the answers, not even these books. Why? Because each of us is different. You said it yourself LUVFLOWER...you typically are laid back. I'm the same way so I can related. Guys(people) tend to test you a lot when you don't show emotions much or respond to everything they do. Both women and men need our egos stroked from time to time, but I think men moreso than women. That being said, we all need vailidation, but it is in no way our responsibility to validate another human being...it's like chasing your tail. Both parties must come together with their own confidence and know their own worth. The variables comes into play when people choose to play games by trying to get a reaction from the other person for their own selfish reasons, only God knows what those reason can be at any given moment... Good analysis. You all have some really good points. When guys show lots of attention up front, is that a negative sign? It has been with me more often than not. They either end up being really possessive or a flake.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 ...We really don't need men flocking to us. Only one. Now, finding that one is the hard part. Wiser female words have never been spoken.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 The only pop advice that I ever found helpful was: He's Just Not That Into You. That pretty much explains everything. Pretend for a moment that you have a platonic friend who you find nice, but boring and a little bit annoying. And this friend wants to hang out all the time with you. Likely you might go out with this friend sometimes, but make excuses about being busy other times. We are socialized not to be blunt and rude in courtship. So in the end, we behave badly by leading people on. When guys play games, it's because they only sort of like me. There are player types out there too, but usually they aggressively get what they want and move on quickly. I know it hurts that most men won't like us. But it only takes one good man and one good woman to make a relationship. We really don't need men flocking to us. Only one. Now, finding that one is the hard part. What about shy guys that are into you, but are afraid of showing it? Because they exist, too.
Author luvflower Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 What about shy guys that are into you, but are afraid of showing it? Because they exist, too. Exactly. And as surferchic mentioned, there are variables. And that's truly something that hasn't been acknowledged much. Then again, could all shy guys be deficient in confidence? If so, would they end up being the controlling type because their girlfriend is so free spirited and outgoing that they want to control her in some way. That's just my opinion experience about the confidence issue.
thatone Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 LOL, I can't hate the game/"game" just the player and how they choose to take things to the extreme... we all play game to some extent. Firstly, I'm not the chaser type. I'm always persued. Additionally, I don't give attention to men if they start behaving in a way I truly object to because that only reinforces their negative behavior. I definitely don't like bad boy types, but I do like attractive men. typically that chisled, athletic ,tall or medium heighth, confidence, good character...but then that character ends up turing sour when I don't give them the attention they want...? what?? What i've found is that when a guy doesn't have confidence and a female does or vice versa, the person with little confidence tries to get reactions from the person with confidence to "break them". this is what i have little patience for and will drop a dude real quick, because it's so immature...know this, guys! Perhaps though, I'm giving giving in too soon to men who show me attention. I probably need to make them "work" longer? Is that it guys? or do you consider that a game as well. It's almost like we can't avoid some sort of game. Who wants to be considered easy, weak or on the other extreme too overbearing(an adjective that I never get because i'm usually so laid back that men don't really think I care, but I do...!) bolded part tells us a lot.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Exactly. And as surferchic mentioned, there are variables. And that's truly something that hasn't been acknowledged much. Then again, could all shy guys be deficient in confidence? If so, would they end up being the controlling type because their girlfriend is so free spirited and outgoing that they want to control her in some way. That's just my opinion experience about the confidence issue. I know I must come off as a b*tchy male on here, but the truth is I have no desire to control my girlfriend. If she is freespirited and outgoing, that's wonderful. In fact, as a shy guy, I open up around really outgoing people. If you carry the conversation, I show the real me: the one that's hidden behind layers of anxiety, shyness, and depression. I joke around, I make people feel good, people tell me that they never imagined that I was like that before when they met me. I have been told that I come off as a depressed male when they meet me. That is, until they are around me for a while...then they find out that I'm an incredibly positive person (most of the time), I am creative, I am intelligent, and I am modest (just throwing that in there at the end, lol!) But yeah, I'd like an equal. Someone who could bring out the outgoing guy in me, and I could balance her outgoing side with my shyness. Sadly, I haven't met an outgoing girl that likes shy guys, at least not yet.
Author luvflower Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 bolded part tells us a lot. Lol, specifically what does it tell us thatone?
Author luvflower Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I know I must come off as a b*tchy male on here, but the truth is I have no desire to control my girlfriend. If she is freespirited and outgoing, that's wonderful. In fact, as a shy guy, I open up around really outgoing people. If you carry the conversation, I show the real me: the one that's hidden behind layers of anxiety, shyness, and depression. I joke around, I make people feel good, people tell me that they never imagined that I was like that before when they met me. I have been told that I come off as a depressed male when they meet me. That is, until they are around me for a while...then they find out that I'm an incredibly positive person (most of the time), I am creative, I am intelligent, and I am modest (just throwing that in there at the end, lol!) But yeah, I'd like an equal. Someone who could bring out the outgoing guy in me, and I could balance her outgoing side with my shyness. Sadly, I haven't met an outgoing girl that likes shy guys, at least not yet. It's all good HDN. You don't sound bitchy. You sound like the laid back type of guy that I like, minus depressive. What makes you say that you are depressive? Have you been that way most of your life? However, things will be going well then out of the blue "you" will pull back for some unknown reason. Then me not being the chaser type, will retreat and not have the patience to play games or ask you everyday what's wrong only because the guy's pulling back seems to be punitive. Other than that I'm a good hearted female who is trying to figure out whether there is something I need to change in my approach or some other type of men I need to RUN from once I sens they're playing straight from a men's "playbook".
phineas Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Exactly. And as surferchic mentioned, there are variables. And that's truly something that hasn't been acknowledged much. Then again, could all shy guys be deficient in confidence? If so, would they end up being the controlling type because their girlfriend is so free spirited and outgoing that they want to control her in some way. That's just my opinion experience about the confidence issue. I think you need to define free spirited & outgoing.
Author luvflower Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 I think you need to define free spirited & outgoing. Upbeat most of the time, positive, kind & friendly, creative, have several close guy friends who are just friends, confident, hugger/affectionate... Not outgoing to the lobos being the life of the party...not me.
phineas Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Upbeat most of the time, positive, kind & friendly, creative, have several close guy friends who are just friends, confident, hugger/affectionate... Not outgoing to the lobos being the life of the party...not me. Do you hug your guy "friends" alot? Do you go on dates with them? (hang out alone one-on-one?)
thatone Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Lol, specifically what does it tell us thatone? that you're proud of men pursuing you, but likely give them no indication of appreciation or reciprocation in return. at which point, they have a set plan for handling disinterested women that are still buzzing around that they will employ, while they look for a better option.
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