Why?!?!?! I'm a psycho

[thecrystalship]

I met this guy off the internet last November. He was really talkative and nice. We went out to eat, we went to a movie, he texted back right away. He wanted to stop by even when he had very little time just to see me.

Then I slept with him.. Maybe after only two weeks of knowing him.

Then his life became suddenly so much more ****ing busy. I started to become upset. I would text, " I can't do this I feel like a **** buddy with text messages". He would say, " No, you're not, I don't see you that way. I think about you all the time and I really care about you."

Me being stupid, naive, socially inept, & inexperienced was like.. well okay I believe you. Simply because he said those things & I believe people when they say **** to me.

So this behavior went on for months. The majority of the time we spent together was really late at night, maybe every other week. Never more than once a week.

I started to become very uncomfortable, at one point I said," I know I'm not your girlfriend, but I wouldn't feel comfortable if you were sleeping with other people." To which he replied, " I'm not sleeping with other people & I do think of you as my girlfriend."

This ruined everything when He said this because I was now expecting him to act like a boyfriend, but alas.. He never really saw me and it took him hours or days to respond to my text messages.

I was really attracted to him & I try to be understanding which is why I didn't leave him. He also found out he friend had a life-threatening illness at one point, and he explained that this was really ****ing with his head. Therefore I felt bad for complaining. However, at the same time.. His head was ****ed up but he made time to see concerts like every single week & practice with his band.

The whole duration of our relationship (post sex) this is what we did: he took me to his condo in NJ twice we saw a concert there, he took me to a broadway show, and we went out to Indian food. After the Indian food we went back to my apt. we were having sex and he left in the middle of it to go see a Ramstein concert.

We did see each other, many other times, but it was always late at night. He would come over we would watch American Dad, we would have sex and he would have to go move his car or something. He never slept over my house and the last time I slept over his house was the last time we were ever together before he dumped me.

I would frequently get angry and break-up with him. When I did this he would just drop of the face of the planet and ignore me for a few days. Me not being able to believe he could just discard me like that would apologize to me and he would just take me back and pretend that nothing had ever happened.

We never had a real conversation in real life, our only form of communication about any issues we were having was through text message. I was so afraid to bring anything up in real time because I was afraid he would drop off the face of the planet again.

I guess finally after months and months of me complaining, he couldn't take it anymore. I got very upset in the month of May because I had barely seen him for weeks, because he had a " ****ed up version of the flu". So one say I was like hey, come down to the bar with me and my friend. ( He never met any of my friends & I have never met anyone he knows). He said, " Oh, I have band practice but I will let you know what I'm up to later." He never did. I got pissed off at 2AM because he had done this many times before. Then late Monday when I was shopping at the home depot I get a text that says:

" I guess we don't see eye to eye. I don't want to fight with you. I guess I have not been great at explaining my feelings. You deserve someone who will treat you amazing. You're beautiful".

Then I never heard from him again. I was got psycho and started blowing up his phone with texts.. to no avail.. He ignored me..

UNTIL: I found out I got Chylmedia.. Then I freaked the **** out. I said really nasty things.. We talked on the phone. But for the most part he was like oh it will be fine... & brushed it under the rug.

For the next few months I tried hard not to text him & to move on.. I would get drunk & text him though. Yeah, I'm not proud. I'm embarassed. But I couldn't stand that fact that he broke up with me through a text and I couldn't escape the fact that I really felt used for sex. BTW, I hadn't slept with anyone before him. Should have probably said that. It's a long story.

Anyway, I was doing good for a few weeks, but I ended up, drunk of course, sending him a long e-mail explaining my family history & how much I was hurting.

He wrote back saying, we weren't a good fit.. I was unhappy.. I understand your shy but I don't want a shy girl.. I didn't want things to turn out this way. I still think about you all the time, your body, how sexy you are and making love to you. I wish I still could.

More e-mails were exchange.. and basically we both agreed we still wanted to sleep with each other. I was close to agreeing to being just a **** buddy, but when the time came. I couldn't go over. He wouldn't even go out for a drink with me, he refused to meet me anywhere other than his house... I mean.. It felt degrading..

Then he said something like: sex isn't just physical. not even a little bit. It's not you you would come over. get naked. **** me. then leave. It's a wonderful activity. It's really passionate. I would hold you, kiss you, say things to you, and make you feel amazing. There is a chance that we could get to know each other better than before, with complete honesty all the mental barriers come crashing down. But when it was over you would realize that I still wouldn't love you. and you would be crushed.

With this I took it as.. Ok. I can sleep with him.. I don't expect a relationship, but he seems open to getting to know me & maybe we can get to know each other better.

We hung out twice within three days. we had sex.. then after I waited a few days, texted two message.. just friendly stuff.. no reply.. I then understood.. no friendship. no anything.. he just wanted to **** me & have me out the door..

Then I started flooding him with texts.. I was so angry and hurt.. No response for two weeks. Then I ran into him on the train. I hid the whole time.. when I saw him get off I was in rage I threatened to come to his if he didn't talk to me.

He called, screamed at me. Called me a psycho. He sent a text that said: Stop! There is no chance I am meeting with you. That's nonsense. I know what you want. Never in a million years will that happen. I'm not in the least bit sorry because I told you over and over again ( he did) it was a bad idea to hand out with me again. You insisted on learning your lesson on your own. Deal with it. Be a grown up and move on. You're acting like a 14 year old. I have zero obligation to do anything for you. I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. There is your closure. I will absolutely will not respond to anymore of your texts or your calls and don't ever think of threatening me again. respect that fact that I have a life and would like to get on with it.

I made mistakes and pushed the issue... but I hate the fact he think he did nothing wrong. It really hurts a lot. kinda want to die at this point.

[wilsonx]

This post reeks of a little girl crying for help.

 

There are a lot of red flags here and I mean a lot.

 

You really need to get counseling. Work out that family history and your past with counseling. It needs to be done.

[Sooner or Later]

Ya kinda are a bit psycho-ish.

 

 

Seriously, the guy was using you for some sex--deal with it, grow up, and move on.

 

Do NOT contact him again.

[thecrystalship]

is all of it my fault entirely?

[Sooner or Later]

Not say it is your fault entirely, but you seriously were deluded that this guy cared for you in any way but for some sex.

 

You need to just take it as a learning experience and get some confidence, maturity and perspective about this situation and relationships.

 

Whatever you do, do NOT contact him. Save a bit of self-respect.

[wilsonx]

theres no fault to be blamed here, read my previous post

[thecrystalship]

Yeah. Thank you for for your honesty. I have deleted every way possible for contact. Plus, him screaming at me on the phone really freaked me out; we had never spoken on the phone before. I was seriously deluded. I know. I just really felt for him because of his friend dying of Leukemia. He would often use that as an excuse for his behavior. But yeah, thank you.

[thecrystalship]

Yeah. I'm working on the family things. I was surprised there were still issues until this relationship. I had been to therapy a lot for PTSD when I was younger, but it wasn't until I felt actually used by a man that the emotions came flooding back. I wanted so badly to not be hurt & that I deluded myself into thinking he cared. God damn it..

[wilsonx]

Yeah. I'm working on the family things. I was surprised there were still issues until this relationship. I had been to therapy a lot for PTSD when I was younger,

 

You should definitely go back

 

Good Luck and stick to your guns on NC

[Mack05]

Agree with the posters above. Also, I could be wrong here but I would be surprised if he doesn't have numerous girls on the go here. When it get's messy/complicated he up's and leaves to the next girl. Just a hunch

[Adelais]

Aah, I'm sorry- this sounds like it's been a truly horrible experience for you and I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.

 

A couple of thoughts:

 

First off, I would stop being so hard on yourself. I know you feel like you acted like a crazy person, but we all do crazy things sometimes. And there's nothing harder than being more emotionally invested in someone that they are in you- that'd make anyone act crazy. And it does sound like there are issues independent of him that you need, and want, to be working on. So stop judging yourself, accept the mistakes and get some help working through some of the personal issues here.

 

Secondly, delete his number. Get rid of every means of communication you have with him. I know how tempting it can be to let someone who has hurt you know exactly how badly you are torn up (trust me, I did it with my ex for weeks) but it's not going to help. From an outsider's perspective, it sounds like he's an *******- it doesn't matter whether he thinks he did anything wrong. *You* know that he did and that's the important thing.

 

And finally, when someone you care about says things like that to you it's easy to get really down on yourself. This experience is telling you a lot of things about what kind of a place you are in, but it doesn't say anything about the kind of person that you are or have to be. It feels to me like you are kicking yourself over and over again for allowing yourself to be used and mistreated. But everyone does that sometimes and it doesn't make you a person who has to let anyone do this to them ever again. I'm not sure this last paragraph makes complete sense but I hope it at least sparks some thoughts.

 

Best of luck, stay strong, things will get better soon (you will MAKE them better )

 

-A

[Fleabitten]

He just wanted sex and nothing else. These types of relationships can work fine for a while if both parties are clear and ok with it being just sex and nothing else. The moment someone gets emotionally involved, that person will get hurt.

 

It sounds like you are young and vulnerable and he used you, or at least he didn't treat you in the way you needed to be treated. Its very sad that this happened to you because you sound very upset and fragile. One day he may realise that he hurt you, but equally maybe he won't. It won't matter though, surround yourself with friends and heal and then find someone who will be able to make you feel good instead.