missy268 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Hello, I've just registered after lurking around for weeks on this board and i seriously need to just post here, just to get it out if you like It's late at night and I can't sleep because of my younger lover - who has a girlfriend Brief history, we met at work - 18 months ago he started showing a romantic interest in me, I was in a relationship at the time, which wasnt happen and was quite abusive, and he was in a relationship too, and he still is in the same relationship - not abusive, but I dont think he loves her - he can't do! i might be wrong Anyways fast forward a bit longer - we continue flirting at work, and we basically disappear off together for hugs and kisses and stuff, it never went sexual, It was just nice to hold each other and i did stop and think, whats going on, but as well as us doing this, he is one of my closest friends which leads me to the next major point in my life - I split up with my partner, of 7 years.....works christmas party younger lover asked me how i felt about him, and then again in January he asked me and i told him i felt nothing for him - yeah right what a lie, but he does have a girlfriend, and i thought well i cant be truthful a few months later i was dating somebody else and younger lover, didnt like this, hardly spoke to me, and asked me about him all the time, what younger lover didnt know was, is that he was topic of conversation with my new boyfriend, and eventually my relationship ended with the new boyfriend as he met somebody else - what i see it as is he got fed up, because i was more interested in my "friend" than him... Anyways time goes on, and he left where we worked and he works somewhere else now, i thought this would be it, for us , our "relationship" he drifts in and out of my life, tells me he cant text me because his girlfriend doesnt like me - but then he continues to anyways then one day in July - i'd not seen him for 6 weeks - and he drove passed near where i lived, and i was walking home - he told me to get in the car and we drove to outisde my house - to which yet again he asked me how i felt about him - and this time, i told him...because i missed him at work, and i said something is missing in my life now - and i dont know what, i think its you, i miss you and i do have feelings for you i always have A week later, he came over told me he thinks he loves me - and we ended up cuddling in my bed - he came over once/twice a week, and we just cuddled, never kissed, he said he couldnt kiss me because of his girlfriend then one friday night - we kissed - properly - i was like this is turning into something more than it should 4 weeks from that - we finally caved in and slept together - after all these months you can imagine how that felt We've only slept together 4 times and hes actually spent the night with me after him and his girlfriend have been argueing and he "moved out" to live with his friend for a bit Anyways, back to why im here - that was the history - the whole reason we have been waiting was he had booked a holiady with her - he told me once he gets back its over - and he is going to move out - and like a fool i believed him - i no longer believe he is going to do that..... He text me 4 times whilst he was out there and then he flew home yesterday and yesterday evening i had a message, and he turned up at my house as he said he wanted to come and see me He talked about his holiday, didnt bring her up actually, just used the term "we" alot which could mean anything but i presume her! and yeah i liked hearing about his holiday and what he'd been upto, but i couldnt take any interest - i thought he flew back today and hes tired, after a 10 hour journey ill cut him some slack, ill just listen etc He then started kissing me, it turned intense and sexual, and he was like why are we like this, i just wanted to come over have a nice chat, hugs and kisses and stuff and then we start doing things like that - he said i dont want to have sex with you when ive got to leave you so soon as i dont want you to think im using you , to which i blurt out "if you are, id rather know because then i know where i stand" 10 minutes after that he said - im going home now, i have some stuff to sort out - and i need to unpack - i thought he was moving out after the holiday to his friends house , why would he need to unpack?????? Im wondering if he's had a change of heart - but this is going to sound crazy, it feels so right between us, she apparently treats him rubbish, and i know i would love him so much!! Right now, i cant sleep, im hurting so much because i dont know when im going to see him - or hear from him again if i ever do! because i dont want to loose him - people think im nuts and yes i must be, a close friend of mine told me he wouldnt leave - and i know hes not been back from holiday for even a day yet, but i got the feeling when he left last night, that he was going back home, and she would be there and basically theres nothing stopping him from going now, hes been on the holiday and thats that! I know given a couple of months, things will turn sour for them again, and he will be back over here - but i cant keep living my life this way! even though im hurting now - im thinking should i walk away now, whilst i feel like this, whilst i not feel strong enough to do it, but not allow him to come back over - i feel ive not given him enough of a chance to leave her - after 18 months this is going to be hard to give up, because obviously ive not mentioned everything there is stuff we have been through together - i just dont feel there will be anybody else, ive never felt this close, connected or anything to anybody I just want to be number one, and he wont answer my questions when i ask, so I just dont know what to do! Anyways thanks for listening! any input would be great x
Quiet Storm Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I think you should just move on. It sounds like he just wants you to be available for him whenever HE decides he wants you. And the way he starts stuff but then says he doesn't want it to lead to sex...smooth. Like he didn't want to cheat on his gf, but you were just so irrestible that he couldn't help himself. Total BS, IMO. If you want to be #1, then this guy is not the one for you. He is not even married. There are no kids tying him to her, no legal issues...if he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't be. One of the biggest mistakes OW make is assume that because he is cheating, he is not happy and does not love his wife or GF. This could not be further from the truth. Many men are happy and content at home, but just have a need for variety, novelty and excitement. He doesn't like you more than her, he likes you both. He will continue to take what you offer him, as long as you continue to offer it up.
BklynGuy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 What's your age range since you keep saying you're with younger lovers?
wannabdone Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I was wondering the same thing about the age difference. Also, you said this has been going on for 18 months...so is that including the time you were talking about or 18 months since you told eachother you loved eachother and have been having this A? What has been his excuse for not leaving for that long? have they had a holiday planned for a year and half???? I don't know. I think always go with your gut. Cut him loose, move on. Let him have his girlfriend and his misery and maybe he will see the light. If not, he is a coward, and you deserve better!
Author missy268 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 I'm 26 and he's 21 So yeah he's younger than me! In June last year he split up with her and moved in with another colleague of ours he came round to see me and tried it then I was stronger then I was living with my now ex partner and I chucked him out 3 days later he went back to her This holiday was booked in December last year they have been away 4 times this year. I've known him longer than 18 months it's when the flirting started the I love you was in July so quite recent I don't feel like I've given him much of a chance to leave her but before he went away he was a mess and told me I made him happy and nit to worry because it will all be okay soon and he will make it upto me! Like I said he's not even been back a day! I don't know all i know is I hate this
Sooner or Later Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 You need to leave him. He is using you.
wannabdone Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I'm 26 and he's 21 So yeah he's younger than me! In June last year he split up with her and moved in with another colleague of ours he came round to see me and tried it then I was stronger then I was living with my now ex partner and I chucked him out 3 days later he went back to her This holiday was booked in December last year they have been away 4 times this year. I've known him longer than 18 months it's when the flirting started the I love you was in July so quite recent I don't feel like I've given him much of a chance to leave her but before he went away he was a mess and told me I made him happy and nit to worry because it will all be okay soon and he will make it upto me! Like I said he's not even been back a day! I don't know all i know is I hate this Well babe....if you hate something....there is your answer. Move on. Make your life as happy as you can, because as of right now....hes unavailable. Seems like to me, that hes a young boy who doesn't know what he wants, as most young boys do. Let him figure that out on his own.
Author missy268 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Thankyou for the advice :-) I think in my heart I know it's time to let go! I just feel I've not only lost a lover but a special friend of mine! But I'll give him his room to grow! I was silly and at a guess lonely! Xx
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