Hurting123 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 It's going to be three weeks NC. Do I want her back. Yeh She didnt want to be in a relationship right now in her life after coming back from a 1 month holiday overseas. But I've been strong with NC But it's her birthday coming up. Should I text a short happy birthday Or will that push her away more
TheDovic Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Depends... How has she been with you when you've seen / spoken to her since the break up? i.e. has she acted like she's sad and this could have been a mistake OR has she been cold and distant OR has she appeared happy? If she's been sad I think it wouldn't hurt but I would keep the text extremely short with NO EMOTION, just a happy birthday, have a good one! If she has acted either of the two other ways then she is probably happy with her decision and believes it was the right thing to do. In this situation you need to maintain nc to give her the chance to see what life is like without you. She might miss you (or she might not) but she def won't if you're still around. Maybe you not texting on her birthday will give her the impression you are not thinking about her and don't need her anymore which WILL make you appear a lot more attractive than the person she felt she could let go. Remember, she broke up with you because she lost attraction for you (simple as that, whether you want to believe it or not = if she was still attracted to you she would still be your gf). Like I tell all guys on this forum who ask questions like yours - read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice" and I guarantee you'll understand why she left you, and it will tell you exactly what to do to be more attractive to women... NO TRICKS OR DECEIPT just simply making small changes to how you behave around women. Could be the difference between getting her back OR just being some guy she used to date!
mike588 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 It's going to be three weeks NC. Do I want her back. Yeh She didnt want to be in a relationship right now in her life after coming back from a 1 month holiday overseas. But I've been strong with NC But it's her birthday coming up. Should I text a short happy birthday Or will that push her away more No don't do it!!! If she wants to be with you she will seek you. Don't give in and give her the power back after your 3 weeks of N.C. So what that it's her birthday, shes the one who doesn't want to be in a relationship. I don't know all the details of your relationship but let her wonder about you. She may miss you if you keep up N.C. Bottom line: DON'T DO IT!!
Author Hurting123 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 The situation was this. She was totally into me before she went on her trip with the girls. Kissed her goodbye at the airport. She messaged while she was away that she misses me. Right up until her last day she messaged that she can't wait to see me. Comes back home and confesses that she kissed a guy on the dance floor while she was drunk. Nothing more happen which I believe her. I got mad about it. Visibly upset. But I got over it. But then she said she was confused about everything. Then she said I want to be Alone for a while. Then she said I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. Within a space of 1 week this all happen as soon as she got off the plane. I was thinking maybe its just because of the holiday. The post depression. You know it was her first trip away. She had the best time of her life thing. I have not spoken to her since. Except to say "1 month of partying on the Greek islands will do that to you" I only know that since she told me that she " doesnt want to be in a relationship so move on" She has stopped activity in her Facebook. Which is inusual for her. She doesn't reply to her friends comments. I'm not friends with her anymore on fb but I know this because my brother is friends with her. Messaging her might spark it. I'm just annoyed with myself a little cause I made her decide "should I move on" when she said she is a bit confused.
Author Hurting123 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 I knew I should have backed off when she said she needed some space. But I was already very upset about the kiss. So I was very impatient. Asking her to make a decision. Telling her she is too indecisive. I already felt like I was crawling back to her after she made a mistake. She confessed about the kiss on her own. She told me that she wanted things to be honest between us. When I heard all this my initial reaction was bad. I said it was over. She said maybe you will change your mind. I said no. She said maybe you will trust me again. I said no. I think I got very serious with her. And I think she got scared because I nailed with comments like "why would you ruin a chance for a good future for a meaningless kiss on tue dancefloor" My voice was trembling. And when I look back I think We were just on two different wavelengths. Here I was at home for a month in the rain waiting. And she had just come back after a month of tanning and drinking and partying. But after I cooled down a couple of days later. She didn't want to hear from me anymore. Distant. I made her decide like I said and it's been 3 weeks.
Author Hurting123 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Also we were only together for 2 months. 1 month officially.
lymtal1 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 hurting123, been there and done that. i found that although it happened and i let it go it really never goes away. you will not forget it and she WILL do it again at some point. i don't want you to go through that. run in another direction from her as you have. let her be. find someone who won't do that to you. they exist. contacting her will do nothing but give her the power back especially if you have been doing well. there is really nothing good that can come about. couple normal scenairos. you text, she ignores, you feel like sh** because you have expectations. two, you text, she responds and it is less than what you want. you feel like sh**. there is nothing good that can come of this unless you want her back. and really you know what the chances are for that to happen. you also have a person that may hurt you again given her past precedent. so ask yourself why and if you want to deal with this environment in a relationship. no texting to her:)
Author Hurting123 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 You are right. What will come of a happy birthday message? Is there ever a chance she will turn around and say... Hey I change my mind let's start again? I feel so weak today. Got through the weekend but Monday morning bah We had it so so so good until this trip of hers. And we didn't make it I know I'm suppose to say... What happen happen. Let it go. Move on. But crap I know this will haunt me for a while
D-Lish Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 It's going to be three weeks NC. Do I want her back. Yeh She didnt want to be in a relationship right now in her life after coming back from a 1 month holiday overseas. But I've been strong with NC But it's her birthday coming up. Should I text a short happy birthday Or will that push her away more Don't do it, stay NC as long as possible.
SugarLily Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT! DO NOT SAY 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' YOU DON'T NEED TO! Breaking up is so, so hard. Being heartbroken is the worst feeling in the world. When we are feeling weak and nostalgic - we often look for 'reasons' (excuses) as to why we need to contact our ex - a Birthday seems like a good 'reason' (excuse). If you really, really want her back - then read this: http://howtowinyourexbacknow.net/ But please especially consider: "Do you really think that you could have a long and healthy relationship with your ex? Think with your brain and not with your heart." x
Author Hurting123 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 I think she has followed step 3 well. Get out there and be confident. With her new tan She entered a bikini contest on the weekend and apparently won. What happen to my girl? She isn't coming back with that sort of attention now. She gave up a chance at a real relationship for that life. I know I'm generalizing but I here all the time from girls how they want a man they can trust, they have a future with, blah blah And here I am wondering what parallel universe I'm on and how I got this so wrong.
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