M2155 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 So against better judgement, I ended up seeing my ex's facebook page today and not surprisingly, there she was in a great picture snuggled up with him. He was so moved by some of the things she had done to surprise him and said she is "wife material". I guess I am just venting. Even though I shouldn't think about it, I wonder what she did to capture his heart like that because he was never that open about me (I could use the tips!). It hasn't even been 3 months (granted she is an ex so they have history) and they seem happier than ever. I guess I never had his heart but it did not feel fake. The pain certainly isn't! I was silly to believe he was going to ever be mine. I know I should be happy for them as maybe that means I can have this kind of happiness with someone too. But it's hard, I did love him and he is waltzing off into bliss with someone else. I see he was capable of giving me the love I wanted, he just didn't:(. Actions speak louder than words people.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 If he went back to an ex there is a very high chance that the same thing will happen to them this time around. Especially if him, her, or both are relationship hoppers. It's best not to put too much thought into them, and stop checking his facebook. Usually the honeymoon period is shorter when exes reunite, him calling her "wife material" could just be the effects of this phase of their relationship.
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Would love to have the words to take your pain away right now... I haven't had this experience YET, but I imagine it's horrible so my heart goes out to you! If I can offer any comforting thought it's that they've broken up before, and if they haven't repaired the deeper problems which caused this, then odds are they'll break up again. PS, you don't have to be happy for them, you're allowed to be hurt and angry because you're only human! Take care
magnus mateo Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 It is ok to feel what you are feeling. You are human. Take this time prepare yourself for the love you desire. Your time is coming. Stay strong and focus on what you want in your future relationship.
mike588 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 You know my story and were both in the same boat. I deleted her from Facebook days after she told me so I would'nt be tempted to look. I know your pain and wish you the best and feel the same about my ex. and them being with someone else.It's hard for me to wish them the best also. The weekends are so hard for me because that was our time together,, movie, dinner and drinks, sleeping together. I know we both can't wait to get over/thru this.
sleepykitten Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 M2155-I feel your pain! My ex met someone else 3 days after we broke up, and she has an open fb profile so i got to see all her daily status about her"perfect boyfriend" and how he is a "keeper" and she just "misses her baby so much" etc etc, it doesnt help that she is awful looking either, maybe though thats better than her being a hot successful secure woman as she seems a bit insecure and chavvy, but i digress.....the thing is, everytime i looked I was whiplashed back to square one, he had never written on her wall etc but it was enough in my mind to imagine how he was being with her and at the time I remember just a couple of weeks back, sunday night, reading all this and seeing photos of him in london with her and saying out loud "thats my baby" stupid I know, before i looked at it i was happily cooking pasta about to settle in for a night in front of the tv feeling quite ok. As soon as i saw that, pasta in the bin, straight out to buy cigarrettes, whole night spent smoking and crying. THen he called the next day, of course i then asked him a zillion questions about his new relationship....er well done sleepykitten that will help...but i was in the crazy fog! All the answers he gave were what i hoped, but it didnt make me feel better. I decided then, that that was it NC NC nC and no more torture of self by looking at her fb! its been almost 2 weeks, and i feel a million times better, in fact that 2 weeks sunday feels like months ago. Dont look anymore. Its really hard i know, i almost looked tonight as i was in a good happy mood! But i came on here instead. I cant wish them the best, I dont, but neither do I wish anything bad, i just try not to think about it anymore. I wish more than anything that i will meet someone lovely and honest and desrerving (and hunky), but until then i will look after myself as best as I can.
shayla Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 This looks like a case of "Facebook Happy." I can assure you that true happiness and facebook happy are 2 different things. Don't always believe what you see on Facebook. There's a lot of fake on that site. Never judge your insides by someone elses outsides. I can guarantee you that the reality isn't as fabulous as it may look. Especially on facebook.
shayla Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 And who says you gotta be happy for them? As long as you are living your life and allowing them to live theirs, you don't have to throw them a party and bake them a cake! Use that energy to create happiness for yourself and put them where they belong. They are yesterdays news. Now get on with making some fantastic tomorrows for yourself!
Mack05 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I truly believe Facebook is an evil tool! I think in these days of social networking, it's vital to remove your ex from Facebook (full block) and NEVER check their profile. I mean if you heard of a person deliberately wanting to get themselves hurt, you would call them sadistic. So does regulary checking an ex's Facebook make you any different? Who cares if your ex notices that you have blocked them. I will never have any idea, why people find it so important to 'save face' when a relationship is over. If you are hurting don't hide it! Agree with Shayla above, I truly believe people posting their love for each other on Facebook (especially during the homeymoon period) are very insecure people. If you have a strong bond with someone, you don't need to pronounce it all over Facebook. I am really tempted to start a new thread about Facebook and people stalking their ex's (yes that is what you are doing). It's like pouring boiling water over your skin. You know it's going to hurt, but you do it anyway!
sleepykitten Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Mack-brilliant analagy re the boiling water. Why dod we do that. Please do start a thread about this!
myvoice1 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I am so guilty of facebook stalking. I went on his page only to see his girlfriend all over his page. I am so tempted to tell her he was with me last weekend but im not. I have to move on. Stay away from Stalking ex's on facebook. Just like soneone said, you wouldnt throw hot water on yourself knowing that it would hurt so why would you look on an ex's page knowing that it will burn like hot water. It really isnt worth it. we all will someday be in a place where we will be happy. it just takes time. and we are all here for one another.
melenkurion Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I know I should be happy for them as maybe that means I can have this kind of happiness with someone too. But it's hard, I did love him and he is waltzing off into bliss with someone else. I see he was capable of giving me the love I wanted, he just didn't:(. Actions speak louder than words people. You don't have to be happy for them just yet. It's far too recent. You'd be forcing yourself into something you're not ready for. Rather, try and avoid thinking about them. Your life should be all about you. Make your life so full that there is no space in it for those people you no longer need.
Author M2155 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Thank you everyone for your support! I needed to vent. I do WISH I could be happy for them just because I believe hoping the best for others as you would want for yourself (which is to be happy) so it feels wrong not to lol. But you're right, it's okay. I chose not to block the ex (but I did block his GF) but I only ended up looking at his page by way of someone else. And for me seeing his relationship reminds me he is gone when my mind drifts off to what if/maybe etc... That's just me. I don't advise it. As far as real/fake on FB, funny someone said my life looks great on FB too (although for the most part I guess it is;)). That made me laugh. I was so surprised to see (more her than him) posting this kind of communication on FB and him responding because the first thing I thought was why on FB? You would have never even known he and I were friends from FB. It's just interesting because he felt I did not express love and now has the extreme opposite. I promise you I AM trying to get a life though. Signed up to do some volunteer work and think I have found a new guy, just to hang out and be distracted. For me the hardest part of letting go is knowing I'll find someone better and starting to explore the prospects is helping (albiet kinda depressing too). You know in the beginning you felt like life was over. Everyone tells me this whole experience is preparing me and waiting for me to say "I told you so". I can't wait either!
Marianis Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Its sad how the other person can put all that on facebook!! .. why dont they keep their super happy lives private?! haha .. facebook is a bitch .. i had the same problem and i always used to see his facebook and his new gfs facebook too.. the pictures together and all that-- it was so paintfull until i decided i was going to be strong and don’t hurt myself anymore.. so since then (like 2 weeks) i haven’t look at their facebook accounts haha … the thing is that I just needed to know about him … even if he was with someone else… I still want to .. but …. Its better not to look .. if I know that the things I will find will hurt me. So just be strong .. don’t look for something you don’t need to know.. and then with time you wont feel the need to know.. just .. remember he is happy now.. and the best for you is coming soon.. "If something good ended its because something amazing is comming"
shayla Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 My current bf called my ex on the phone and blasted him for sending me an email virus right after my father died (a really hateful thing to do). He had no idea that we were seeing each other, but right after he got that call, he jumped onto facebook and wrote at least a dozen posts about how much he LOVES HIS WIFE!!!! Oh, you mean the one you married 5 minutes after you dumped me? You can have Facebook happy honey, I'll take the real thing!
melenkurion Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The volunteer work is a great idea, I am glad you are doing that.
radiodarcy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 don't worry about not being inclined to feel happy for your ex and his current flame. i too have times where i find myself wishing him the same misery and pain he caused me. and yes i feel bad about it and then i don't. because i but i look at it this way: if he hit me with with his car, causing grievous injuries that would take months(possibly even years) to recover from, would i be happy for him if i saw him posting pictures of him proudly standing next to his brand new car? of course not! granted people and cars are not interchangeable but you get my point. being dumped can cause the same intense emotional and even physical trauma as bodily injury. and until you've healed from those wounds there's no way you can be expected to be all pollyanna and wishing your ex well on anything.
Author M2155 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 My current bf called my ex on the phone and blasted him for sending me an email virus right after my father died (a really hateful thing to do). He had no idea that we were seeing each other, but right after he got that call, he jumped onto facebook and wrote at least a dozen posts about how much he LOVES HIS WIFE!!!! Oh, you mean the one you married 5 minutes after you dumped me? Wow that's nutty . We are not in contact so I know none of that is for me. In this case it's more them saying it to each other--and she may know he has a lot of female followers. But this kind of activity would make me think "how childish!" Definitely a front. Thank you @melenkurion. It's really fun to work with kids and their happy energy:bunny:.
stillhurt Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 IMO, FB is really one of the worse things created for people going through a break up. The ex removed me months after we broke up because he said he doesn't want me to see all her posts cause he knows it's painful. Of course, I still tortured myself a few times and went on her site and saw all the happy pix. I noticed that every time I did it, I would feel like crap for weeks! Weeks! And, it usually makes me do something stupid like reach out. I always felt like what we shared was private and between us, so I hardly ever posted anything syrupy like that when we were together. She's always talking about him and showing off about where they went...blah blah. It's not a show and tell! LOL! You don't have to be happy for them, but in order for YOU to be happy, you have to be at least ok that he is no longer yours and be ok with the reasons why you are no longer together. Because, at this point, it's your happiness that matters, not his. His happiness has nothing to do with you anymore. I know what you are saying though, because in a lot of ways you look at those pictures and think, that could've been us. But, I guess that's what sets us back. We have to look forward. At least that's what I am trying my butt off to do.
PeachesInc Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 This is what Im going through right now... FB. I ****ing hate it. FB was made for single people to meet, and friends to keep in contact when they are miles and miles apart. Thats it. I hopped on FB to see my girl flirting with her new boy toy and him flirting right back. Does this really do anything for me? No it just lets me know whats being posted on FB. I still feel the need to check it out though. Im still not in the NC phase so its even harder. I dont want to thread jack, but if anyone has any advice for me please send me of PM or post on my thread. I have a lot of real life friends, but sometimes you just have to get an outside opinion.
Author M2155 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) This is what Im going through right now... FB. I ****ing hate it. FB was made for single people to meet, and friends to keep in contact when they are miles and miles apart. Thats it. I hopped on FB to see my girl flirting with her new boy toy and him flirting right back. Does this really do anything for me? No it just lets me know whats being posted on FB. I still feel the need to check it out though. Im still not in the NC phase so its even harder. I dont want to thread jack, but if anyone has any advice for me please send me of PM or post on my thread. I have a lot of real life friends, but sometimes you just have to get an outside opinion. Well everyone will say block him. I don't disagree with that at all. For me, call it denial or whatever you want, seeing it doesn't bother me anymore than it bothers me anyway. Not seeing it didn't stop me from wondering if/maybe/how's it going and whenever I do, I have access confirm that it's game over and remind myself he is still a big egotistical @sswipe. It's reality and I need to accept that because I will run into them together. It reminds me that he hurt me and he is not an option. Now I did have to block HER as the cutesy posts were silly. I wanted to defriend him and almost did until we had this dumb convo where we decided we would stay friends so I kept it (although we do not contact). ALSO I know if I did block him, I would look from a friend's page because that would just make me more curious. Guilty. The hurtful part of him being happy is not so much that, but that he started it behind my back and that's what I am trying to forgive. BUT if I could do it all over I would have broken up with him first (surely I saw signs he wasn't committed) and defriended him immediately;). Edited September 19, 2011 by M2155
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