craig841 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I'm wondering whether people can reassure me about something here. I am perfectly capable of talking to and flirting with women and am ok at recognising when they show interest in me...nor do I feel especially nervous when it comes to dating, although I haven't much. I have had a couple of 3rd base experiences too...mostly on female initiation, but am still a virgin. My obstacle is moving to initiate any sort of romantic/sexual activity because I fear that I have got the wrong end of the stick and therefore will look like a social moron when told that they weren't into me like that, or even a sleazeball who only had sex on his mind all along when they were just enjoying a friendly conversation. In the past what's happened is that I've initiated only when people made it blindingly obvious for me, which definitely made me feel stupid! I guess it boils down to being afraid of what they think of me, not necessarily a total fear of rejection, as I do not feel totally paralysed when it comes to asking people out, but instead paralysed when it comes to making the first move (wrong moment, need more signals etc). The words I fear the most are 'what the hell are you doing?!' Do I need to trust my instincts more and just go for it? And if I'm wrong, can someone rationalise for me why it isn't the end of the world, you're aren't a fool, just learn from the experience and move to the next one? Thanks in advance.
Miss Clavel Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I'm wondering whether people can reassure me about something here. I am perfectly capable of talking to and flirting with women and am ok at recognising when they show interest in me...nor do I feel especially nervous when it comes to dating, although I haven't much. I have had a couple of 3rd base experiences too...mostly on female initiation, but am still a virgin. My obstacle is moving to initiate any sort of romantic/sexual activity because I fear that I have got the wrong end of the stick and therefore will look like a social moron when told that they weren't into me like that, or even a sleazeball who only had sex on his mind all along when they were just enjoying a friendly conversation. In the past what's happened is that I've initiated only when people made it blindingly obvious for me, which definitely made me feel stupid! I guess it boils down to being afraid of what they think of me, not necessarily a total fear of rejection, as I do not feel totally paralysed when it comes to asking people out, but instead paralysed when it comes to making the first move (wrong moment, need more signals etc). The words I fear the most are 'what the hell are you doing?!' Do I need to trust my instincts more and just go for it? And if I'm wrong, can someone rationalise for me why it isn't the end of the world, you're aren't a fool, just learn from the experience and move to the next one? Thanks in advance. http://www.askmen.com/
Author craig841 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 http://www.askmen.com/ Read a lot of stuff on here...it's fairly mixed. One guy just keeps pushing his book as the answer to everything, while others offer some solid stuff...but are you just saying that this isn't a major problem and I can figure it out?
Imageiko Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It's really just inexperience. Instead of ask men I'd google specific body language stuff to give you specific clues when your interest is reciprocated. Don't try and escalate sexually if you're not in a location where it's feasible to have sex. If you're dating somebody and it's progressing to a point where the next step seems like it's sex put yourself in an obvious place where sex is a natural next step and you'll very rarely meet resistance. Ie watching a movie at your place or having a glass of wine after dinner etc.
oldshirt Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 You sound a lot like me when I was your age (I'm assuming you're in your teens or very early 20s) and as far as I am concerned now, being self-conscious in that manner really is one of the worst things you can do. Don't get me wrong you should be concerned with other people's feelings and you should always use basic common courtesys and manners but my advice is NEVER try to hide your sexuality or your romantic interests. Wear your masculinity and sexuality on your sleeve and be a romantic/sexual being. Be flirty and engaging right from the first hello. make engaging eye contact. flirt with people. don't be afraid to be close to them physically or to touch them (I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT mean pawing at them, groping them, grabbing their butts/boobs etc) I mean brush their forearm when you make a point in conversation. put an arm around their shoulder to comfort them or support them. Hold their hand when you want to walk closely with them. don't not withdraw if they touch you or if some part of your bodies come in contact with each other. You do NOT offend, exploit, threaten, encroach or scare women if you show a romantic or sexual interest in them. Women want to be wanted, admired, desired, accepted and charished just as much as you do. If a girl does not want to receive your attentions she will walk away and not come back. she will not be offended or upset about it. Now follow me closely here because this is really important to soak in. The time and place where you will get the, "what the hell are you doing?" is when you try to establish yourself as some kind of nonsexual friend or 'girlfriend-with-boy-parts' first and then you suddenly come on strongly sexual out of the blue without warning. That will rightfully suprise and and shock someone that has already looked at you as a nonsexual acquiantance or friend. As long as you start out flirty and in a somewhat sexually oriented manner and then incrimentally escalate things over time, people will not be shocked or suprised or offended as they will know where you are coming from in the first place.
Recommended Posts