did it hurt because i slept with him or bc my heart was broken to begin with?

[eleanorhurting]

 

Men that want to commit to a true relationship, those that are emotionally available and want to stay true to old fashioned values are few and far between. It's tough to find a good egg in this day and age!

 

Wow this made me cry for the first time in a long time Not about my 4 month pseudorelationship but about the one I completely destroyed because of my immaturity and foolishness back in December of 2010. It makes me sad because I remember what I had and I realize now that I took it for granted, messed it up and its going to be a looooooooooong time until someone worth my time comes around again, not to mention until im completely healed and ready to open my heart again.

[dreamcity]

@eleanorhurting:

But it is worth risking it? Many guys I have met tell me I worry too much and I need to just "go with the flow". I think "go with the flow" means sleep with me and later i'll decide if i actually want something with you or not. I don't like the sound of it... and I dont like being called "difficult" or "complicated" because I dont go along with "the flow" aka sleeping with you when you show no sign of a commitment.

 

It absolutely depends on the culture of the place and crowd you move in. Certainly, you shouldn't behave in any way that compromises what you want (certainly not for some guy you hardly know). My only point was that these 'rules' depend on each of us individually; our personalities, hopes and expectations, where we live in the world, our past experiences, how old we are and so forth.

 

Hang in there, and someone who does not expect instant sex will come along. I've dated some gents in my time too, who are content to woo for considerable periods of time.

 

Haha, the way I post on this forum makes me sound like a serial dater... not the case I can assure you!

[Mack05]

Forum probably makes me come across as a 90 year old priest!hahaha. But as one of my favourite posters calibabe says..."If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, You won't give up. If You give up, You're not worth it"..So true

[eleanorhurting]

Forum probably makes me come across as a 90 year old priest!hahaha. But as one of my favourite posters calibabe says..."If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, You won't give up. If You give up, You're not worth it"..So true

 

Thats who I used to be... and thats who I want to be!

[Hurting123]

Forum probably makes me come across as a 90 year old priest!hahaha. But as one of my favourite posters calibabe says..."If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, You won't give up. If You give up, You're not worth it"..So true

 

Mack05 are you sure about that.

 

I mean really if a girl is weaker with that temptation does that make her less special. Im not saying i disagree with you.

I'm genuinely wondering.

 

She does everything right but she jumps into bed quickly.

It's hard to accept that.

 

But you know I'm starting to wander onto your side with this.

I found out just yesterday fr

[Hurting123]

Forum probably makes me come across as a 90 year old priest!hahaha. But as one of my favourite posters calibabe says..."If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, You won't give up. If You give up, You're not worth it"..So true

 

Mack05 are you sure about that.

 

I mean really if a girl is weaker with that temptation does that make her less special. Im not saying i disagree with you.

I'm genuinely wondering.

 

She does everything right but she jumps into bed quickly.

It's hard to accept that.

 

But you know I'm starting to wander onto your side with this.

I found out just yesterday frOm a friend. She is already in bed with someone else.

Yeh she didn't do anything wrong. But dammit.

She finds a new guy in 8 days!?

You know who wasn't special mack05

Me. I wasn't special.

 

That's that. I actually feel better

[Mack05]

Mack05 are you sure about that.

 

I mean really if a girl is weaker with that temptation does that make her less special. Im not saying i disagree with you.

I'm genuinely wondering.

 

She does everything right but she jumps into bed quickly.

It's hard to accept that.

 

But you know I'm starting to wander onto your side with this.

I found out just yesterday fr

 

Dude it's not my quote its calibabe's signature, but I do agree with it. Each to there own mate. I won't try sway you or anyone else. One thing I will say, don't ever put yourself down like that. You are young and you are far more wise, then I was at your age. We may not all agree on this site, but we are all special..Don't lose count of that fact mate

Edited September 21, 2011 by Mack05

[eleanorhurting]

ahhh I just went to have dinner with a friend and she invited another friend over who happened to be getting out of her ER shift with my ex-lover. She said they were both coming over and I almost died, ended up talking about it (but i didnt cry) eventhough Im trying to put the whole thing behind me. He ended up not showing up last minute. I guess he really wants to help me move on.

[geegirl]

ahhh I just went to have dinner with a friend and she invited another friend over who happened to be getting out of her ER shift with my ex-lover. She said they were both coming over and I almost died, ended up talking about it (but i didnt cry) eventhough Im trying to put the whole thing behind me. He ended up not showing up last minute. I guess he really wants to help me move on.

 

And if that is the case Eleanor, he's doing you a huge favor. Most times we have ex's that play the push and pull game leaving us questioning what their intentions are and that in turn keeps us stuck. I know it hurts, but in time you will be grateful that he respected your time to heal and grieve. What's great is that you are eating! And you're out with people and that is a good sign!

[eleanorhurting]

And if that is the case Eleanor, he's doing you a huge favor. Most times we have ex's that play the push and pull game leaving us questioning what their intentions are and that in turn keeps us stuck. I know it hurts, but in time you will be grateful that he respected your time to heal and grieve. What's great is that you are eating! And you're out with people and that is a good sign!

 

When you put it that way, I never really stopped eating or going out like in my december 2010 breakup where I didnt even open my presents on Christmas day and my parents had to tell all my relatives i had food poisoning. I guess this wasnt a horrible "breakup" but I have cried endlessly (sometimes in public), talked about it way too much and obsessed about it. Sometimes I go out and my mood isnt exactly the best and I think my friends are fed up with it.

[geegirl]

I guess this wasnt a horrible "breakup" but I have cried endlessly (sometimes in public), talked about it way too much and obsessed about it. Sometimes I go out and my mood isnt exactly the best and I think my friends are fed up with it.

 

And I believe that is perfectly normal. When I broke up, I remember crying in the grocery store. Standing in front of a mound of corn and sobbing. One time while picking out laundry detergent only because the bottle of Tide reminded me of him. Then once at the pharmacy standing in the corner crying waiting for my ex to leave. All emotional triggers.

 

It's a process. Purging it out through talking with friends and family is a good release. I know when my friends got tired and not so much with me talking but also my inability to provide good company, I kept it in, which made me feel worse. I was getting tired of myself. Repeating the same thing over and over again to the point of obsession. That's when I decided to look for a therapist. It was the best thing I ever did. I could talk to my mother but even my mom would get annoyed! It was not so much needing a therapist to talk to but she helped me find coping methods to deal with the pain and was very interactive in terms of posing the hard questions to make me think rationally and setting assignments for me to complete for discussions at the next session. I needed help with certain areas of my life which at that point were the main causes of why I was making bad choices. Sometimes it's good to talk about it but it helps even more if you're talking about it and in turn finding things about yourself through those discussions, that you know needs improving and rebuilding.

[hopeful4someday]

oops - this was supposed to be a new thread, not sure how it ended up here.