TheStylist Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 How come some guys are way immature in handling break ups? They can't take the cold reality that they've been dumped. Instead, they go around twisting and making up stories to make you the bad guy, and make themselves look so good in the eyes of their friends. Same old stories. Tsk tsk. Sometimes, life can be amusingly cruel. Yet too nonsense to even give it a thought. But then, most of the days it haunt you because of too much anger. And worst is, most of them went back straight to their exes! What for? For some ego boost? After they bad mouthed their exes for months? Ughhh! And both of them are laughing at me now?! Making up stories about me?! Turning the table to make me sound the most stupid?! Oh please! I'm trying so hard not to break my NC, because I got too affected sometimes I want to text both of them to just leave me alone. But I know, if I do that, they will pick me even more and I would look like the pathetic and loser! Oh God, help me...
coltsfan1 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 If you dmped him why in the world do you care what he does..... if they talk let them it is probably to his friends anyways not yours. If ppeople believe those things about you let them, they propbably want to anyways.
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 IME, it's to hopefully get the jump on the traditional way women handle breakups, by using their social network to recover. I experienced this when my M ended, later hearing stuff from my own friends that I found remarkable, including a few opinions that my exW had tried to turn them against me. Myself, I kept our M and D our business. Perhaps other men are smarter in that regard. I guess I'm lucky I have good and loyal friends. Perhaps that's the lesson. I'm not into all that wider social networking stuff like FB so don't have experience or opinion to offer in that realm. OP, if you are finding out negative things about your former BF, then NC is failing you. Simply request that people not talk about your fBF in your presence. It's easy to do. 'I'd rather not talk about that' and then change the subject. You control your path. Wrt social media, merely block those people who don't respect your wishes. They're not real friends.
Author TheStylist Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Yes. I do love this guy and it does hurt me too bad to break it off. I tried my best in this relationship and I feel like it's only me who's doing the effort. But then, last thursday night, I caught him cheating and I told him what I've found out. I was too composed already before I called him and told him this. Because I was done crying of what he did. So, when I called I appeared cold, I think. Then, he went ballistic. He raised his voice and told me I was the worst person for investigating him that much and that I never trusted him and that it would be better that I put surveillance cam in his house. Duhh! How immature right? Then he hung up without hearing my response and he texted "**** you" to me. Then few hours after, he was back with his ex. And his ex was taunting me in twitter. I feel like I'm gonna die last night. It hurts too much I couldn't breathe. Everyday, I tried my best not to contact him, even though it was his birthday yesterday. It would have been easier if he just took this maturely and we can move on smoothly. But why gather all his friends and making them believe its him who dumped me and I was the bad one? I may not care, yeah but you can't help it sometimes. I'm really sorry. But I still miss him and I do still love him but I know it's not good for me.
Author TheStylist Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 I wish more men are like you carhill. He is 38 and I'm 30 and the way he acted seems like a teenage guy. I already closed my twitter because its too much to handle, and I deleted him from my fb. I told myself many times that I did the right thing and for him to text me the F word was a sign that he 's an emtionally abusive person. Later, maybe he'll be more violent like capable of physically hurting you. And the fact that he cheated, that was the end all, be all of our relationship. Good luck to him and his ex whom he bad mouthed too much when we were together. Because the ex kept on calling and texting me, throwing trashy words at me throughout our 4months relationship. Imagine, she even had a countdown for our relationship to end. She tweeted all the time. And the night her ex went back to her, you could just imagine what she tweeted! I can't believe how some girls could be this low? No self respect at all. I guess, they deserve each other. It's too degrading to even think of replying to their stupidities.. Sorry, I just need to vent. And the more I hear response from you guys, the more it makes me feel a lot better.
coltsfan1 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I cannot speak for all but my ex hit me, cheated on me, and I told our mutual friends that as long as they hung out with her we couldn't be friends. Was it mature maybe not but they knew she cheated and didn't tell me. I did what I had to do and they did what they had to do. Life is sometimes unfair and biased, but you will move on. My heart BREAKS daily, I miss my friend, lover, and the girl that was proud to be with me. But that part of my life is over and it is over for you as well. Please be strong and just move on, do not share time, friends, or anything else with him any longer.
wilsonx Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) Was this a rebound relationship? I am just curious! Join in May 4 months later posted about being in a relationship with a cheater. I'm curious if its the same guy you posted about here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279496/ If it is all the red flags were there, you even saw them Edited September 19, 2011 by wilsonx
Author TheStylist Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Was this a rebound relationship? I am just curious! Join in May 4 months later posted about being in a relationship with a cheater. I'm curious if its the same guy you posted about here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t279496/ If it is all the red flags were there, you even saw them Yes. That is the same guy. God yeah! I just reread my post and I can't believe how hesitant I've been with this guy! Because something wasn't really right about him from the beginning. I must have gotten by his sweet words and gestures. I should have listen to my gut feeling! Ughhh! Everyday is a struggle for me not to break my NC. No matter how I busied myself, I would stop and look at my phone and wanting sooooo much to text him but I know its futile and stupid. I can't never degrade my self worth over this guy. It hurts too much! How did you manage the NC guys? Most of the time, I just want to give in. The only thing that stop me is when I remember what he did..when he said that F word to me...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 How come some guys are way immature in handling break ups? They can't take the cold reality that they've been dumped. Instead, they go around twisting and making up stories to make you the bad guy, and make themselves look so good in the eyes of their friends. Same old stories. Tsk tsk. Sometimes, life can be amusingly cruel. Yet too nonsense to even give it a thought. But then, most of the days it haunt you because of too much anger. And worst is, most of them went back straight to their exes! What for? For some ego boost? After they bad mouthed their exes for months? Ughhh! And both of them are laughing at me now?! Making up stories about me?! Turning the table to make me sound the most stupid?! Oh please! I'm trying so hard not to break my NC, because I got too affected sometimes I want to text both of them to just leave me alone. But I know, if I do that, they will pick me even more and I would look like the pathetic and loser! Oh God, help me... How long have you been female again?? It is simply psychology that to belittle you and say mean things to and about you lets those guys be/seem/feel nearer to you than they would were they participating in no contact at all. That is a perfectly 'normal' reaction by some when you do the dumping... (where 'normal' = 'common' {and not necessarily 'sensible'} )
wilsonx Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Yes. That is the same guy. God yeah! I just reread my post and I can't believe how hesitant I've been with this guy! Because something wasn't really right about him from the beginning. I must have gotten by his sweet words and gestures. I should have listen to my gut feeling! Ughhh! Everyday is a struggle for me not to break my NC. No matter how I busied myself, I would stop and look at my phone and wanting sooooo much to text him but I know its futile and stupid. I can't never degrade my self worth over this guy. It hurts too much! How did you manage the NC guys? Most of the time, I just want to give in. The only thing that stop me is when I remember what he did..when he said that F word to me... A few tips for you to maintain NC. Turn off your phone when your at home so you dont look at it Get some FEMALE friends and only hang out with them for a while, no more penis toting friends. Dont rebound Find activities that you enjoy doing and do them, try new stuff The list goes on.
insaneinthebrain Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 ... just be thank full its behind your back..... . .. you just cant take stuff like that personally.
Thieves Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Oh please! I'm trying so hard not to break my NC, because I got too affected sometimes I want to text both of them to just leave me alone. But I know, if I do that, they will pick me even more and I would look like the pathetic and loser! Oh God, help me... Don't contact them. Let it roll off you like water off a duck's back, I'm telling you. You'll learn that once you know who you are (for the most part), and you know your own truths, that anything false anyone else says will barely waver you. Think of it this way, people can say what they want, but the relationship happened between you and him. No one else. Not even the girl he cheated with, not even his ex. So as long as you know the truth, and he surely does too, that's all that really matters. The rest is fantasy, stuff to get a rise out of you. I'm only in my early 20's, yet it never ceases to amaze me to see how older adults can act like such grade school kids. Hold your head high, rise above the immaturity, and do your best to heal. I know it can be really damn tough, but you'll thank us later once you've seen how much you saved your dignity and grace.
Author TheStylist Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 How long have you been female again?? It is simply psychology that to belittle you and say mean things to and about you lets those guys be/seem/feel nearer to you than they would were they participating in no contact at all. That is a perfectly 'normal' reaction by some when you do the dumping... (where 'normal' = 'common' {and not necessarily 'sensible'} ) Yes. But I guess, it's the most immature way of dealing the situation. If I was dumped, I don't think I'm gonna give details to my friends of what really happened. Instead, a simple " it didn't workout" explains it all. Because when you are in a relationship, that person is supposed to be the reflection of who you are. So if you bad mouthed them after break up, it only back fires you. Its like "you are what you are saying." It was like telling bad things about you. Am I making any sense?
Author TheStylist Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 A few tips for you to maintain NC. Turn off your phone when your at home so you dont look at it Get some FEMALE friends and only hang out with them for a while, no more penis toting friends. Dont rebound Find activities that you enjoy doing and do them, try new stuff The list goes on. Yes. That's what I've been doing lately. Hanging out with my female cousins and venting but laughing most of the time about them. That way, I feel way above them. Because I know, their relationship is too toxic, full of deceits, and manipulations and frustrations and pains on the girl's part. She's been a douche bag for 5yrs with this man. The guy slips from time to time and cheat. If the new relationship won't workout, he went straight back to his ex. He told me everything about this and this is one reason why I had to forget him. Scared me too much when he started to bad mouthed all his exes! Everything about them had faults! As if he was always the victim! So now, same story goes. I was the bad one and he is the victim. Ugh!
Author TheStylist Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Don't contact them. Let it roll off you like water off a duck's back, I'm telling you. You'll learn that once you know who you are (for the most part), and you know your own truths, that anything false anyone else says will barely waver you. Think of it this way, people can say what they want, but the relationship happened between you and him. No one else. Not even the girl he cheated with, not even his ex. So as long as you know the truth, and he surely does too, that's all that really matters. The rest is fantasy, stuff to get a rise out of you. I'm only in my early 20's, yet it never ceases to amaze me to see how older adults can act like such grade school kids. Hold your head high, rise above the immaturity, and do your best to heal. I know it can be really damn tough, but you'll thank us later once you've seen how much you saved your dignity and grace. Indeed. Very well said Thieves. I, myself, was in awe with how immature this guy could be. And yes. I don't need to defend myself to his friends, esp to his ex. Sometimes, she got under my skin way too much because everything she said about me such as calling me a douche bag, stupid, ignorant, insecure, jealous were clearly and exactly define her! What is wrong with her? Has she gotten so insane after being completely bruised by this emotionally abusive guy for 5years? I don't know why some girls are these helpless. All they do is stand up for their man, catching their dirts for years and that very guy cheats on their face and they just let him and accept him if he gets back. One thing I won't forget what he said about his ex was that, he will never want to get back with her even if we won't workout because he has no respect left for her anymore since she could just let him do anything, even if it wasn't good, she is still there taking it without second thoughts! See? But where is he now? Back to her? Getting for some ego lift? And when he is good to go, he's out there haunting for the next girl? A roller coaster ride to hell! Poor ex!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Yes. But I guess, it's the most immature way of dealing the situation. If I was dumped, I don't think I'm gonna give details to my friends of what really happened. Instead, a simple " it didn't workout" explains it all. Because when you are in a relationship, that person is supposed to be the reflection of who you are. So if you bad mouthed them after break up, it only back fires you. Its like "you are what you are saying." It was like telling bad things about you. Am I making any sense? Of course that all makes "sense". Your original question was: ""How come some guys are way immature in handling break ups? "" (before you gave specifics) And the reason remains that to be mean to you in any way lets them feel nearer to you than they do with zero contact at all. Presumably the one doing the dumping should have no reason to be looking BACK, and finding out what the dumpee is saying or feeling. So you could realistically ponder why you are immersed in doing any such thing.
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