ScienceGal Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I have been hesitant to get back into the dating game. Regardless of my readiness to date, in a general sense I don't particularly like what happened last night. What do you think? I cooked and the plan was to go out afterward. He drove 30 minutes to get here, but informs me that he hasn't been feeling well for the past few days but didn't want to reschedule because he wanted to see me. So, he ends up staying for an hour and then leaving. He said that he feels really bad and hopes that I will give him one more shot. (The last time we went out he was on medication and was feeling a little loopy). He referred to last night as "strike 2". My thought is that he should have informed me that morning when we were exchanging messages that he was ill. He should have given me the option to reschedule, which I definitely would have done. a) because I didn't want to be exposed to whatever he has and b) I had a ton of other things I could have done with a day off, other than wait around for someone I barely know to come over and eat and then leave!
laotzu Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I have been hesitant to get back into the dating game. Regardless of my readiness to date, in a general sense I don't particularly like what happened last night. What do you think? I cooked and the plan was to go out afterward. He drove 30 minutes to get here, but informs me that he hasn't been feeling well for the past few days but didn't want to reschedule because he wanted to see me. So, he ends up staying for an hour and then leaving. He said that he feels really bad and hopes that I will give him one more shot. (The last time we went out he was on medication and was feeling a little loopy). He referred to last night as "strike 2". My thought is that he should have informed me that morning when we were exchanging messages that he was ill. He should have given me the option to reschedule, which I definitely would have done. a) because I didn't want to be exposed to whatever he has and b) I had a ton of other things I could have done with a day off, other than wait around for someone I barely know to come over and eat and then leave! That's pretty weird... I mean if you're legitimately ill, you'd cancel the date because you wouldn't want to have a terrible date, and ruin your chances. Perhaps he didn't cancel in the morning because he was hoping he'd be better by the evening, and be able to salvage the night? I've done that with work before: you know you should call in, but you just don't want to - so you give it a try? Granted, I probably would have called a couple of hours before in this situation, and just been pretty apologetic. Overall, he could have used a little more discretion, and cancelled.
Arikel Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Seems like he knows he screwed up there. Maybe he didn't want to reschedule last minute because of the whole stigma about 'flaking'? However, even on the first date he was on medication and feeling loopy, and now on the second date he was sick .. I'd feel like telling him to take some time off and REST before running around trying to impress .. But if he was a nice person, and you think there might be something in this .. you could give him one last shot when hes feeling healthy again? But if he shows up sick/dozey/whatever, give him the boot for sure...
goonying11 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 if theres no magic on the first date and its excuses and problems on date 2 move on and find somone that will make you happy and smile on the very first date
Author ScienceGal Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 This actually was the third date. The first time we met up for drinks and we had really good conversation. The second date was ok (but he was on medication). Last night was the third, and worst, date. I haven't dated much, so maybe crappy dates are to be expected
Beachgirl8 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Well, he called it strike 2-so he already knows he is not making a stellar impression thus far. What kind of medication was he on that made him "loopy"? That is a strange thing to say on a first date. Did he appear sick when he came over, like flu symptoms? I suspect that he drinks a lot and was just severly hung over if he was well enough to drive to your house, and not worried about infecting you with his "illness" but then had to go right home. If you like him give him one more shot I guess, but I'd be put off at this point and he'd have to make a major comeback next time to keep my interest.
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 To me, that's kind of odd and perhaps an indicator of issues that preclude a healthy relationship. I struggle to remember any woman who was sick on a date or canceled due to illness and the same for myself and that's decades of datapoints. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I was sick. Anyway, any burden of future contact is on him IMO. Let him plan the next date and decide if you feel positive about his contact and/or request. Entertain other potentials. His referral to your efforts as a hostess and his as a guest as 'strike number two' portends negative results for him. Why say something like that, even in joke? I will maintain my perspective of dating more out in public before sharing personal space. Good luck.
Author ScienceGal Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I will maintain my perspective of dating more out in public before sharing personal space. Good luck. I agree. I enjoy being the hostess and cooking for others. This is perhaps best reserved for friends and family though. Once an actual relationship is established, then I'll have the man over. You and I had joked in another thread about how sex would be on any man's mind if they're invited to a woman's home in the evening. At least I didn't have to deal with that!
Author ScienceGal Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 When he contacts me again (if he does) I am going to respond with "I am sorry, but I do not see us being more than friends". I've decided that I don't want to go on another date with him, but am not quite sure what to say. Ideas??
Art_Critic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 What kind of medication was he taking ? Maybe he was hung over... Either way.. next.. who needs the drama he is gonna bring to your life
Author ScienceGal Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 The meds were leftover painkillers from an operation he had. I think he said his back had been bothering him so he took a couple. He actually is a nice guy, a little geeky, but seems genuine. When I think about words to describe him though, "clueless" is towards the top of the list. I do not have time nor energy for that. And, as much as I'd like a little excitement in my life, I don't foresee a spark lighting up out of nowhere.
Art_Critic Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The meds were leftover painkillers from an operation he had. I think he said his back had been bothering him so he took a couple. Ahhhh.. I wonder what the chances are that they were actually "left over".. quite possibly you have seen the first sign of an addiction.. Who takes a pain killer before a date.. If my back hurt like hell I'd rather her see me in pain than doped up... I was wondering if it was alcohol.. but since it was pain killers I'd be tempted to say that there is more of an addiction under the surface..
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