LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) I met a guy this past labor day. He is visiting from a different state. I took him home that night and we made love. We were both drunk so the sex was not that great but it was still good. But for me, it's not about the love making part but it's always been the aftermath. He fell asleep on top of me. His handsome face against mine where I can hear his soft snoring. He had his arms wrapped around me and his leg over me. He would wake up every now and then and would start kissing me. We had brunch the next day and hung with him all day the following day. I've had one night stand before, but this was different. There was something soft and tender about it. I can't stop thinking about him. I knew he was only visiting. So on his last day, I chased him at the airport and bought him flowers and a handwritten card to tell him that I really like him. He was not at the airport but was still in the city. Two hours later, i went home with a thousand knives in my heart. I e-mailed him the letter and he responded days later. He said I scared him. I can't blame him. I just didn't want to regret it that if didn't tell him what I feel that I will forever wonder what could have been. He gave me a very polite kiss off and said he wants to be friends when he responded a few days later. It's been two weeks and I still can't stop thinking about him. It was very special for me but obviously it wasn't mutual. What should be my next step. I don't want to lose this guy. Edited September 18, 2011 by LoverThatsI added details
Feelin Frisky Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Hi and welcome. You couldn't know that chasing after him was going to backfire but it turned out to be the wrong thing. Try not to be obsessive about it and second-guess yourself into a heart-ache. Don't contact him again any time soon and if he doesn't reach out, you can initiate but don't get all caught up apologies and exaggerations. It was just a taste of a great thing and it would be inhuman not to want it again. . Try to be cool about it--hard as that is.
country_gurl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I met a guy this past labor day. He is visiting from a different state. I took him home that night and we made love. We were both drunk so the sex was not that great but it was still good. But for me, it's not about the love making part but it's always been the aftermath. He fell asleep on top of me. His handsome face against mine where I can hear his soft snoring. He had his arms wrapped around me and his leg over me. He would wake up every now and then and would start kissing me. We had brunch the next day and hung with him all day the following day. I've had one night stand before, but this was different. There was something soft and tender about it. I can't stop thinking about him. I knew he was only visiting. So on his last day, I chased him at the airport and bought him flowers and a handwritten card to tell him that I really like him. He was not at the airport but was still in the city. Two hours later, i went home with a thousand knives in my heart. I e-mailed him the letter and he responded days later. He said I scared him. I can't blame him. I just didn't want to regret it that if didn't tell him what I feel that I will forever wonder what could have been. He gave me a very polite kiss off and said he wants to be friends when he responded a few days later. It's been two weeks and I still can't stop thinking about him. It was very special for me but obviously it wasn't mutual. What should be my next step. I don't want to lose this guy. You can't LOSE someone that you don't even HAVE. Sorry but what you had was surely not "love", it was merely a drunken one night stand. There was no "making love" in any of it, only in your imagination. Sorry but that's the truth. You need to move on and leave him alone, he's made it clear that he's not interested. Sorry. You should also consider how risky it is to just take some stranger home and have sex with them; you don't know if they have STDs (and even if condoms are used, they don't protect 100%) or are some kind of violent/psycho freak; if they're from out of town they could even be married for all you know. I never understand why women take such risks.
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I think this was 'sex at first sight'. Love, not so much. Welcome to LS
Eve Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I would have a girly night in and talk to your friends about this experience. What jumped out at me was an idea that maybe you use sex as a form of commitment? Make sure you respect this mans wishes and leave him alone now otherwise you will look rather 'psycho'. Take care, Eve x
Professor X Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I would have a girly night in and talk to your friends about this experience. I get the weird vibe that the OP is a guy...
AHardDaysNight Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 This was lust at first sight, not love.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I get the weird vibe that the OP is a guy... Yes he is. Check his profile.
mrgoodcat Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) So on his last day, I chased him at the airport and bought him flowers and a handwritten card to tell him that I really like him. Holy f*cking ****. I think it's romantic and sincere, but that could just boost his ego and make him think he can have any girl. This really illustrates why women choose to play hard to get. EDIT: Wait, OP is a guy? You mean a gay guy? Or you mean we're being trolled? If he's gay, then it makes far more sense with the whole flower thing. I never heard of women giving flowers after sex. I need a verification. Edited September 18, 2011 by mrgoodcat
Professor X Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Yes he is. Check his profile. I ****in' knew it! (didn't check his profile, a new member with 1 post, figured it'd be empty). 1. No man would sleep on a girl. 2. No girl would chase a guy she just met to the airport with flowers and ****.
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 yes I am guy and yes he's a guy as well and yes we fall in love too. it's not just sex. but let's not dwell on that issue. i am here to get some help not be ridiculed. i get that all the time already and i hope this is a safe place to pour my heart out. so let's focus on the issue of the heart not on sexual orientation. I don't regret chasing him at the airport and professing my love for him with flowers and a love letter. I do regret scaring him. i feel horrible it. if there was a sliver of a chance, i probably destroyed it completely. but that was not my intention. i wanted to sweep off his feet. I can't stop thinking about him and it's been two weeks. but if it's lust only, how come when i think about him, i don't think of the sex part, his heartbeat next to mine. i think about talking to him, his smiles, his laugh, hi face and his kisses. he said i am a nice guy and cool and he enjoyed his time with me and he slept with me that means there is a mutual physical attraction there. Then how come he won't take the chance on me. is it because he's in DC? he said he might move to my city in 8 months and if he doesn't move, i will fly to DC every month if i have to. Do you think he's got a lover in DC? if he does, well...he's not married. all is fair in love and war. i'm not a lover stealer, but this time, i think i would make an exception. funny thing, there is a guy right now who is willing to be with me and i get a lot attention from other guys, but i shun them all away. he's the only one I let my guard down. i am so confuse. i feel like i am using all the fiber in my body to resit calling him. i feel weak and confused.
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Holy f*cking ****. I think it's romantic and sincere, but that could just boost his ego and make him think he can have any girl. This really illustrates why women choose to play hard to get. EDIT: Wait, OP is a guy? You mean a gay guy? Or you mean we're being trolled? If he's gay, then it makes far more sense with the whole flower thing. I never heard of women giving flowers after sex. I need a verification. @mrgoodcat and professorx: Yes I am a guy and he's a guy as well. We're gay. I hope that is not a problem here. love knows no boundaries. since we're all guys (gays are guys too...just have different preference...but we all think alike) so what should be my next step. it was not just a one night stand. we hung out all day and the following day. i thought he felt something as well...but he said he did not on his e-mail a few days later.
FitChick Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 The gay men I know are more emotional than I am. Still, I'd give the same advice to them or to a woman in this situation. Look upon it as a magical holiday fling, a fantasy that briefly came true. Then come back into the real world. No contact. Who knows, he may contact you again but in these situations, it's better to be surprised in that eventuality than to hope and be disappointed.
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 The gay men I know are more emotional than I am. Still, I'd give the same advice to them or to a woman in this situation. Look upon it as a magical holiday fling, a fantasy that briefly came true. Then come back into the real world. No contact. Who knows, he may contact you again but in these situations, it's better to be surprised in that eventuality than to hope and be disappointed. thanks fitchick. i have to stop this madness. it was soft and tender and i never wanted it to end. should i unfriend him in my facebook? if I do, he might think I am some vindictive ******* or I'm being biiter.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Just give him some space, let him know that you're sorry you were clingy and that you're here if he needs you. Then wait. The problem isn't that you're gay. It's that you were clingy, you fell in love with him 24 hours after you met him, and that scared the crap out of him! I am straight, and male, but if a girl tried that with me I'd be terrified, too. No matter how much I liked her.
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Just give him some space, let him know that you're sorry you were clingy and that you're here if he needs you. Then wait. The problem isn't that you're gay. It's that you were clingy, you fell in love with him 24 hours after you met him, and that scared the crap out of him! I am straight, and male, but if a girl tried that with me I'd be terrified, too. No matter how much I liked her. thanks buddy. i just wish there's a switch that i can turn him off.
mrgoodcat Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) I don't know, tbh. Gay partners are hard to come by (hell, I'm struggling to find me a compatible girl) so I don't think this is completely out of line to show that kind of affection. But he lives in another city, so maybe he doesn't want any type of commitments. You should have talked about whether this was going to be one night stand or something more. If a girl I liked did that after sex, I could get mildly spooked, as well. Maybe not, hard to say. Edited September 18, 2011 by mrgoodcat
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I don't know, tbh. Gay partners are hard to come by (hell, I'm struggling to find me a compatible girl) so I don't think this is completely out of line to show that kind of affection. But he lives in another city, so maybe he doesn't want any type of commitments. You should have talked about whether this was going to be one night stand or something more. If a girl I liked did that after sex, I could get mildly spooked, as well. Maybe not, hard to say. he told me he was just visiting. so my intentions were just to sleep with him and be done with it. but i don't know why this happened. do I regret meeting him? NO. I have not felt this way in a long time. I felt a strong connection. And even though it feels like I'm being gutted right now, it also feels good too. it just shows that I can feel this way again. Thank you so much for your advise.
motive2002 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I know how you feel OP. I've been in your shoes before. It was so terrific, or tender, or passionate, or hot that BAM an instant connection is made. It simply could not make sense in your mind that it was just a one night thing, but at some point you have to man-up and consider that might only just be that. Sex, emotions, expectations... you're dealing with someone you only just met. Who knows what his motives really are? You have to be realistic. Be strong and keep your chin up.
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I know how you feel OP. I've been in your shoes before. It was so terrific, or tender, or passionate, or hot that BAM an instant connection is made. It simply could not make sense in your mind that it was just a one night thing, but at some point you have to man-up and consider that might only just be that. Sex, emotions, expectations... you're dealing with someone you only just met. Who knows what his motives really are? You have to be realistic. Be strong and keep your chin up. thanks motive.
Thornton Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I'm sorry you had this experience; rejection is painful. I once had a similar experience myself. I met a guy who was just visiting, and for me it was totally love at first sight - I thought he felt the same, but for him it was obviously just lust. I pursued him, and he said he found me attractive but he didn't have any feelings for me, and he'd like to be friends. It turns out that he had a steady partner back home and hadn't mentioned it, and his offer to be friends was just a polite way of giving me the brush off - he sent me brief emails for a while and then basically did the fade-out. The moral of the story is: Just because you have feelings for someone, that doesn't mean they have feelings for you, even if they're obviously physically attracted to you. From their perspective it might just be a physical attraction and nothing more. If you're the kind of person who doesn't want no-strings sex, wait and make sure that the other person definitely has feelings and not just lust for you. In your particular situation, this guy has made it clear that he doesn't have feelings for you, so you need to leave him alone now.
Author LoverThatsI Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I'm sorry you had this experience; rejection is painful. I once had a similar experience myself. I met a guy who was just visiting, and for me it was totally love at first sight - I thought he felt the same, but for him it was obviously just lust. I pursued him, and he said he found me attractive but he didn't have any feelings for me, and he'd like to be friends. It turns out that he had a steady partner back home and hadn't mentioned it, and his offer to be friends was just a polite way of giving me the brush off - he sent me brief emails for a while and then basically did the fade-out. The moral of the story is: Just because you have feelings for someone, that doesn't mean they have feelings for you, even if they're obviously physically attracted to you. From their perspective it might just be a physical attraction and nothing more. If you're the kind of person who doesn't want no-strings sex, wait and make sure that the other person definitely has feelings and not just lust for you. In your particular situation, this guy has made it clear that he doesn't have feelings for you, so you need to leave him alone now. thanks. i just wish i can just turn him off like a switch.
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