gone for good in 7 days

[Dblock10]

And i am panicking, feeling sick. even though we broke up i didn't want to and this is why it hurts, cause ive lost her and her leaving is going to solidify that even more. and iv'e not seen her in 7 weeks and might not ever see her again only on face book and we all know how much that hurts.

 

the point of this post is that, i feel like, what would i at this point have to loose if i reached out and told her i still have feelings for her and that i still think about her and care about her and find it sad that we don't talk really and that it hurt me to know she didn't want to continue what we had.

 

?

 

because i know its 95% not going to change anything, but its how i truly feel.

 

and once she's gone, there is no way i could tell her these things, she wouldn't care even half of if she cared now and to top that once she's gone, she could be having casual flings with who ever she likes (i know her history) and they say it repeats itself. and who will she be in 6 months from then anyway?

 

 

 

i need some more help and advice it seems my feelings are still messing with me.

 

 

i need to know this isn't important and need to focus on other things don't i?

Edited September 18, 2011 by Dblock10

[silly_panda]

Deep down you already know it won't change anything even if you reach out rite..? I know the feelings of wanting to do something and talk to her... But you still remember what happen when you talked to her on facebook rite..? It hurt you so much... Do you wanna go through that again..?

 

If you really wanna talk to her, go ahead... But again... Don't expect any respond from her... This is just you telling her how you feel... That's it... Any respond from her other than she telling you she still loves you will hurt you at this point... Do think about it... The decision is yours to make...

[smudge21]

Whatever you decide to do, remember your reasons for doing it. Write them down if you must, as later on you will have some regrets and it's important to remember that at the time, you chose a course of action that was right for you.

 

I've made decisions, chose a path, and looking back I can easily say I would change it if I could. But I know at the time that is what I wanted to do. It was the right thing. Now of course, knowing how things turned out, I should've done things differently... but no one can predict the future. Besides, if I had've chosen another route, who's to say that path would've been any better.

 

Do what's right for you.

[Dblock10]

Yeah i highly doubt it will of course. i really don't know what she would make of it. but i also know if she wanted something then she would have let it be known and she would have been in contact a lot more so than pretty much nothing (again that fb conversation only existed because i made it exist).

 

so again iv just got to let her do what she wanted give her what she wanted, and that was to be totally free and worry free whilst she travels although i am slightly gutted by the whole keep each other updated with our lives spiel that she gave.

 

it didnt really hurt so much on face book, cause she replied, wasn't horrible and showed sympathy toward me and my nan passing away. it was just a bit nerve wracking and got the adrenaline pumping and when she asked how i was i didnt know what i wanted to say or how to behave, i didnt want to get emotional and say something dumb so i went off line and went to work.

 

but likewise, ive not heard from her since then. she has moved on and is going to move further on from now and when she leaves in 7 days. if she really cared, if she really wanted to be with me, she would! so clearly i'm handling a case of rejection and confusion.

 

Any response from her other than she telling you she still loves you will hurt you at this point... Do think about it... The decision is yours to make...

good point, and 95% or more says she wouldnt say those things. so either i'd get ignored or she would just be "sorry" that she doesnt feel the same and she would probably tell me to move on and have fun at uni (partially to remove guilt from her part)

 

 

good advice smudge, it is important to weigh up why you are going to do anything if it involves speaking to them. I hate how it is this way though.. why can i not just talk to her and not care... or care but not let it rule my emotions during and afterwards..

 

i know what you mean though about later regretting it but then you cannot undo what felt right at the time.. like if i tell her all my thoughts and feelings, i would probably regret doing so later on if the response wasn't what i want. but then, i have already been to see her 7 weeks ago, told her my feelings and how i wanted to stay with her or for us to work etc but she didnt want it. so why am i thinking about banging my head against that wall again now.

 

i know why i struggle to let this go, its because i honestly believe she was/is the hottest most attractive, clever, down to earth, good fun girl i have been with and i feel like i some how threw it away and have lost that person and am 100% going to loose them even more now. i feel i wont "do better" and that its too late to get "her" back. esp after or during this travelling.

 

am i going to regret not staying in contact with her. this is the question.

do i need to ask her if she wants to keep in touch whilst she goes or not? cause obviously she has been really busy just now so that could be a reason i havent heard from her. its the reason she gave anyway. and also being her friend would be to hard since its not what i truly want. wow this is so difficult.

 

or is this a crappy reason

 

sigh

Edited September 18, 2011 by Dblock10

[smudge21]

Like me, everytime you hear something from her you see it as more than it is and you feed that hope. Keeping her in touch when she leaves will keep that hope alive and sadly, whilst it still is, we never heal. We have to accept that something is totally over before we can begin to heal, but I also know how hard it is to let go.

[antinko]

I see two options:

 

1. Just try and confront her and spill out your feelings about it. This approach won't work in terms of getting her back but it might take some of the weight off your shoulders even if you feel foolish afterwards. Then when she's gone, you might even resent her a bit and then start to heal quicker knowing you at least tried.

 

or...

 

2. Maintain NC and let her go. Distance will eventually help you heal providing that you make sure she's blocked on FB, you delete her number and basically pretend she never existed...

[Dblock10]

hmm yeah i see what you are saying, basically neither option work out for me. i think if i spilled out my feelings about how i think its crap she gave up and walked away, that i would feel foolish after as she would move on anyway and she would know how weak i was. also when she comes back if she for 1 second ever thought about me, she would remember that i "said that and that and this" and no one would want to really get involved and drag all the drama back up.

 

however i also know i most likely wont hear from her again. so will have to see.

 

i already regret a little bit about talking to her about my nan etc, as all she claimed was that she didnt know and had been to busy. i then went offline when she asked how i was.

 

again i could have stuck around to have a little chat but that wouldn't have got me anywhere. and if she truly wanted to talk to me 1) she would have said hello first not me 2) she would have txt;d or at least tried to talk to me again asking if i was ok etc 3) she would have contacted me out of her own free will before that point since she knew the circumstances.

 

i was too busy and what have you isn't a good enough reason for me. and just goes to show her selfishness even more and her lack of caring.

 

so really this hasnt happend and i know pretty firmly hadn't i initiated that contact i wouldnt have heard from her since it had been 6 weeks ish....

 

anyway, what i said shouldnt have burnt any bridges and she hasnt del me off fb so i guess thats ok.

 

but yeah maintaining nc and letting her go is the mature thing to do. although i do understand del and blocking her from my life will help me the most in terms of moving on, i dont want to because it makes me look weak and immature.

Edited September 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[1Dunno]

Unfortunately mate once they've made their mind up there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to convince them otherwise.

 

I know that at this stage you're hoping that when she comes back that there might still be a chance of reconciliation. But if she does hook up with other guys while she's travelling do you think that she deserves another chance?

 

I know the truth hurts. But you need to use the time that she's away to get over her. As much as it sucks now, her being away for that length of time is a natural advantage as it makes it difficult to contact her. I would personally block her on Facebook so that there is NO way you can contact her, even if you wanted to.

 

6 months. You can do a lot in 6 months. Keep yourself busy, get ultra fit (if you're not already), take a vacation of your own.

[Dblock10]

yeah this is the horrible thing because "had" i played it differently, she would probably still be in a relationship with me. this is what makes me really sad. i only told her i didnt think it would work at first because she wouldnt commit to what she was doing when back so i was thinking long term, and thought well what would be the point waiting and staying with her for her to come back and go off somewhere again for a further 4-5-6- months etc

and the fact that she didnt sound keen about me flying out to oz to see her, and that when i told her i had fallen for her she told me that she really likes me. and from what everyone had told me, the only way it would work would be if she was properly in love with me... but yeah i regret saying what i said. i didn't realise at the time how much i would regret doing that.

 

obviously i didnt want to not be with her. i told her all of this though but by then it was to late and she had made her mind up about doing it alone and she said even if she stayed with me she doesn't want to commit to doing something revolving around me when shes back so it isn't practical to stay together

 

i am pretty sure she will. otherwise i doubt she would have been so adamant about not being in a relationship and having a "label" that doesnt mean much since you cant even see that person for 6 months. When she said she doesnt want to act differently when she meets new people or worry what i may think... says it all i guess.

 

yet she added, "not that i want to get with loads of people or anything"

 

i said she wants to explore her options and she said "yeah cause thats why i want to go travelling" in a sarcastic tone

 

 

what do i do now then? i am pretty surprised she doesnt keep in touch with me, its like she made her mind up and iv'e been ignored ever since. as if i really didnt matter to her.

 

this travelling has and was her main priority all this time, (other than finishing uni)

 

i feel stupid for ever thinking she was really into me. and the good memories i have of being with her hurt a lot.

 

you are right about the natural advantage as i know it would be near impossible to stay in close contact anyway since she would want to be left alone and have the freedom not to worry about contacting anyone back home

 

do i go out with a bang so to speak and get it all off my chest to her. or do i let it go and move on, dont look back

[gbadboy]

Have you ever tried to reach out to her after the break-up and express your feelings and how you want to get back with her? If you 've already done so, then you've done your part - ball is in her court now and its time to go NC and let her make the next move.

 

If however, you haven't had the chance to express yourself and attempt to get back with her after the break up then I think you should make 1 attempt if you still want them BUT make the attempt and then leave it at that.

 

 

After a break up, the dumpee sometimes goes immeidately NC , i think before you go NC you should at least make an attempt to express your feelings, let them know you want them BUT THE KEY IS TO LEAVE IT AT THAT....Say your point and then go NC. DOnt keep pestering them as it will push them away.

[Dblock10]

hey no i havent tried after the final breakup.

 

i know what your saying though. yeah i did go nc straight away. but thats because we kind of mutually agreed to break up but deep down it wasnt what i wanted. so when i went to meet her i told her how i truely felt but she didnt want it at that point. since then its been nothing really..

 

she leaves to go around the world in less that 5 days