jackjoynr Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) Quick run down: On again, off again, then back on again boyfriend of about 2 years breaks up with me. We mutually decided to break up the first time because I had graduated but he was still in school (currently has one year left) and I didn't think i could handle being with him while he was still in school. There were other issues in the relationship but that was the gist of the first break up. A month after we broke up he begged for us to get back together. I later found out some info about him while we were broken up so I didn't immediately take him back. Spent about 6 months working on getting back together.. acting as though we were together, sleeping together, going on dates together but we weren't technically together (biggest mistake ever which left me confused and hurt). Finally we decide to officially get back together, talked about marriage, having kids, moving in together, etc. then about 2 weeks ago we broke up again. He kept pressuring me to move in with him but he didn't make me feel confident in our relationship for me to make that move.. plus we recently got back together & I didn't feel comfortable rushing in to move in with him. While we were breaking up he called me a "distraction" said he wanted to have a good last year of school & basketball (he plays college basketball), said if I couldn't move in with him that it probably wasn't going to work out but that we could "still be friends" (uggh!). I asked him if he was going to start dating other people and he said maybe but not right away. Though I didn't want to break up I accepted it. Didn't beg, plead, or argue. A day after the break up he starts flirting with a co-worker in front of my face (we used to work together). I see him give his number to her & I was LIVID but didn't say anything! He would text me & write me on Skype asking how my day was going, trying to make small talk and though I wanted to give him a piece of my mind I would act as though everything was fine. I found out that he started talking to other girls & could see him commenting on girls pages on Facebook so I decided to delete him from Facebook. I text him and ask him if he's purposely doing everything in his power to hurt me. He tells me no & asks why I asked that and so I proceeded to tell him that I knew about him giving his number to one of our co-workers, that I heard about him trying to talk to other girls, and told him that I never wanted to break up that what he was doing was hurting my feelings. His only response was that I shouldn't listen to everything every one tells me and that I was ridiculous for doing so. After that I decided to go NC The following weekend he calls me at almost 2 in the morning and it went a little something like this Made small talk Wanted to make sure "I'm okay" Said he's sorry Said he couldn't muster up enough courage to call me till then (he had been drinking that night) Said he worries about me Said if I ever needed anything he'd be there for me Said he hasn't messed with anyone since we broke up (Why would he tell me that?) Made more small talk Said he misses me Next day I went and snooped on his Facebook page and saw him tagged in another picture with some girl that goes to his college. A few hours later he deletes it. A couple days later he Skype's me trying to make small talk, asking how I was doing, asking what I've been up to. I gave him short answers & finally got offline without saying bye. A few days later he calls and invites me to his friends show. I wanted to but declined. Then yesterday I go and snoop on his Facebook page again (i know.. i know.. i really need to stop doing that) and some girl posts her number on his Wall telling him to call him.. later that day the message is deleted. I miss him like crazy but am BEYOND hurt by him. I halfway want us to be back together but I'm still deciding to go NC. What should I do if he decides to contact me again? Should I tell him how I've been feeling? Ignore him? And why does he keep trying to check up on me?I'm so confused by him. Edited September 18, 2011 by jackjoynr
Dark Phoenix Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I'm not going to instruct you to go NC, but I do highly recommend going NC on him. Look at what you have written. Every time you "break NC" you end up with feelings of hurt, whether it's over a call or as simple as checking his facebook. I say give NC a shot, set yourself a goal to go NC "I will stay NC for 1 week" (fill in your own time frame, or use 1 week... whatever helps). Once you meet this goal you can evaluate the differences that you've been feeling (contact vs. No Contact) and make your decision as to what you would like to do. It is completely up to you, but being in contact doesn't seem to be doing you any justice.
Author jackjoynr Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 You're right! I think i've been looking at the idea of NC all wrong. Because I haven't been outwardly contacting him I thought I was doing NC but in fact I'm not. I told him if he were to call or text that I wouldn't ignore him but I do think in order to completely heal and move on I need not to respond to his texts, calls, messages, and especially checking his Facebook. This is going to be sooo hard but I'm going to try and stay strong. Thank you!
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