Still makes me anxious that someone can still up and leave you out of the blue

[Sugarkane]

And not remotely care about hurting you at all.

[carhill]

I found once I accepted that alone is the default life path and any and every healthy relationship and friendship is a bonus, any potential anxiety melted away. If things end and they leave, no matter how, when or why, it's OK. Everything is normal and I'm healthy. Life goes on.

[BrettLost]

Carhill,

 

That is perfectly put.

 

Its amazing the stress this puts on EVERY relationship u have, from family, kids, friendships etc...

But as u said to be happy on your own, and accept others as a bonus feels like a 'higher' way to look at life. Almost buddah-like.

 

True to thy self.

[benB]

I found once I accepted that alone is the default life path and any and every healthy relationship and friendship is a bonus, any potential anxiety melted away. If things end and they leave, no matter how, when or why, it's OK. Everything is normal and I'm healthy. Life goes on.

 

This is def. something I have learned as well.

[coltsfan1]

sometimes we have to accept that some people aren't good people. We make mistakes in life and others do as well, it is what you take from it that matters.

[torn_curtain]

I found once I accepted that alone is the default life path and any and every healthy relationship and friendship is a bonus, any potential anxiety melted away. If things end and they leave, no matter how, when or why, it's OK. Everything is normal and I'm healthy. Life goes on.

 

YES. Living alone for awhile puts this in perspective.

[PositiveNegative]

It's tough isn't it? I've been dumped twice in my life. The previous one having made a lot more sense and much more easier to accept then my recent one. They were back to back relationships so I am now alone for the first time after discovering love. I, like you, am still trying to come to terms as to how she was able to leave suddenly from a non-abusive, non-cheating relationship. One thing she was right about though, I do need this time to learn and grow.

[Finch]

Carhill, colts et al., you are all right.

I would like to add - the fear of being left alone often reflects a perceived "emptiness" in the person with the fear. If you look to external sources such as a relationship with a significant other to validate your own existence and provide you with happiness, you will always carry around the fear of being left.

When you are able to cultivate a positive lifestyle that is not dependent on others for fulfillment, you are then able to accept relationships as a bonus and are better able to maintain your sense of self as well as pursue your own goals while in a relationship.

For many people, this is a realization that only comes with experience and practice, possibly as part of self-actualization. It's not an easy thing to accomplish, but well worth the effort. When you are truly happy and growing on your own, it makes relationships of all kinds much easier.

[carhill]

For myself, it (acceptance of life's solo path) was socialized into me but I had to live life to prove my parents right. Interesting how that works.

[coltsfan1]

For myself, it (acceptance of life's solo path) was socialized into me but I had to live life to prove my parents right. Interesting how that works.

 

amen brother!!!

[Jdw_Icequeen]

I have a bit of a diffrent view on things. The anxiety is caused not just about being away from the person you love but because everything changes. No one likes changes. They are scary because your so uncertain of everything now. You once looked into the future and saw maybe getting married having kids you probably had goals together, a whole life created together.

 

That life is gone... So what is your life without this person. Without these goals these plans you guys had. Now you have to create a new one. When your so depressed and scared the last thing anyone wants to do is recreate a life for themselves. When someone leaves you out of the blue and you didn't even see it coming is definetly even more devestating. Alot of times people realize they have issues going on and may for see somthing happening in that direction. But if you didn't its like being hit by a train and you didn't even know you were standing on the tracks.

 

Most people are scared of change and feel some sort of anxiety over it.

I had it really bad in the beginning. The more control you start taking over your everyday life and actions the more thse anxious feelings will begin to resolve themselves. Don't worry you will get there!

[PositiveNegative]

I would like to add another thing. Before my first relationship I was depressed teenager, events around then forced me to grow at a rate that, at the time, I could not handle. I, in some ways, forced that relationship because I knew that companionship would make me happy. As I said before my recent ex and I got together soon after that relationship ended. In a lot of ways I used them as an emotional crutch because I never learned how to become independent and love myself. My ex knew this. I denied it, but I know it now. Had my ex and I ended up marrying without a breakup then I would've no doubt been left without a very important life lesson. God, it sucks because she essentially told me all this. She always said that this break up was "for now" and "for both of us". Is it weird that it makes me love her more?!