Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 What should I do? I have successfully achieved over 60 days of 'NC', and I have finally begin healing. I get an email today from my X saying she needs a specific medication that I have, that was left at my place two years ago. I'm going to allow her to pick up the medication in a public place. How much of a setback from my NC healing process will this be? How should I behave? Indifferent? I'm not too nervous, but I dont feel too fantastic about this either...
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 If you really want to heal and move on keep it very brief, give nothing away about your new life, don't ask her many questions and leave!
Finch Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 The medication was left at your place two years ago, and she needs it now? Most prescribed or OTC medications would have expired within two years. And if it was prescribed, why can she not contact her GP or pharmacy and get a refill? There would be a cost involved, but it would seem to me that that would be better than taking something that may or may not be effective anymore. If you feel you must get this medication to her, the public place idea may help. But asking a friend to stand in for you and deliver the medication instead might be better.
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I tried suggesting that her closes friend, who lives with her, pick up the meds for her. She, apparently is out of favors because shes asked too many, as she describes it. As for the age of the meds, that's an important consideration, but because shes 100% broke, she can't see a doctor. (USA, obviously). Exactly. Keep it brief, and not reveal anything about my life. I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this...
geegirl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I tried suggesting that her closes friend, who lives with her, pick up the meds for her. She, apparently is out of favors because shes asked too many, as she describes it. As for the age of the meds, that's an important consideration, but because shes 100% broke, she can't see a doctor. (USA, obviously). Exactly. Keep it brief, and not reveal anything about my life. I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this... Can't you ask your friend to drop off?
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Maybe have a reason (real or fake) to leave quickly i.e. I have to meet a friend and I'm late / I have to get to work! How do you think you'll feel when you see her?
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Maybe have a reason (real or fake) to leave quickly i.e. I have to meet a friend and I'm late / I have to get to work! How do you think you'll feel when you see her? You know, I cant honestly answer that question of how I might feel if I see her. This was someone I was with for 10 years... And really, I am starting to get very concerned about this. I think this is a bad idea...
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Can't you ask your friend to drop off? I'm going to call him and ask him directly. I know him and he knows 'the situation', though he's sympathetic to my side because he's gay and has a bit of a crush on me...Ill use that to my advantage.
geegirl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 You know, I cant honestly answer that question of how I might feel if I see her. This was someone I was with for 10 years... And really, I am starting to get very concerned about this. I think this is a bad idea... 60 days NC is not enough to walk in there feeling indifferent. There are other ways to do this to protect yourself. You can ask your friend to drop it off. You can mail it (after all if she could wait two years, whats two days for the mailman). If your gut is telling you it is not a good idea, listen to it. Now, if deep down inside you do want to see her, then do so but know that unless you are unemotional about her, chances are, seeing her again will in some way derail you. I have a feeling you do want to see her, in hopes it is just not about wanting medication.
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 If you were with her for ten years and you're unsure how you'll feel, there's a very good chance it could put you back to square one! That might be ok if things were still very raw because you've nothing to lose, but you said yourself that you've noticed some improvement within yourself. Do you really want to risk that? In saying that I appreciate how tempting it is to see her again, but it's about weighing up the pros and cons, and to me if you're starting to heal you shouldn't risk this. Maybe ask your friend as someone else had suggested, then move on. Don't even ask your friend what your ex said because anything is likely to trigger your emotions once again
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Dovic, that's exactly what I needed to hear. I cannot afford to be thrown back to square 'one' of the NC process. Now I'm imagining the worst case scenarios. What if she does something unexpected? Just imagine the possibilities, and I should say that the reason I went full 'NC' was because she is a hurtful person. This whole thing was just a bad idea! Even the three emails that I sent are effecting me. I cant imagine what her presence is going to do to me. Yikes...
AHardDaysNight Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I agree, you should definitely get your friend to drop it off for you (if you can.) If not, then meet her, but keep it brief and impersonal. If she asks you about your current life, don't give anything away!
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I agree, you should definitely get your friend to drop it off for you (if you can.) If not, then meet her, but keep it brief and impersonal. If she asks you about your current life, don't give anything away! She's already trying to get vital info out of me via email. Could this whole thing be a set up?
Coupedriver Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Dont do it..no matter what she needs...DROP it off at a her house,apartment or have someone else take it to her in that public place..YOU stay AWAY...If your gut says NO....LISTEN to it....I saw mine yesterday after 3 months.....F*CKED me up....I was a total mess afterwards....Cant even begin to think what its going to be like starting over....and I DIDNT even talk to her,saw her drive by.STAY AWAY..!!!!!!!!!!
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Well when you're friend calls tell him to give nothing away about your life and tell him to get away as soon as. Let us know how you get on!
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Dont do it..no matter what she needs...DROP it off at a her house,apartment or have someone else take it to her in that public place..YOU stay AWAY...If your gut says NO....LISTEN to it....I saw mine yesterday after 3 months.....F*CKED me up....I was a total mess afterwards....Cant even begin to think what its going to be like starting over....and I DIDNT even talk to her,saw her drive by.STAY AWAY..!!!!!!!!!! Your warning has me freaked out, and the reality of this is that I'll be exactly like you at the end of the meeting!
Author Centaurus Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Last night after reading all the responses, and thank you for being concerned and interested everyone who responded, I was 100% committed to maintaining NC after weighing the possible negative reactions, and a 'square one' style relapse into emotional chaos. I woke frequently though the night, the idea of the worst case scenarios gave me anxiety like shocks and reminded me of worse days behind me. The final horrible days when I initiated NC, all I can remember was the trauma. God, why did I agree to meet her? Waking with a little fatigue from self induced delusions of horror, I realized that I am happy, aware, physically fit, and doing 110% better than when I initiated NC, so why don't I show her how well I'm doing? NC is about taking control back from a horrible situation, so I'm going to give her the 'better living is the best revenge' sort of ending, to add another layer on the NC action. Good plan, or a risk it all venture? She was waiting there at the meeting point looking frail and sad, and as I walked up I with an outstretched arm with a pill bottle in my hand. I hope this helps you, I said. She said humbly, no please, I need a hug after all Ive been though, and yes, I gave her a happy and healthy hug. She apologized for breaking the silence that I started, and understood that the silence was needed for healing, though not easy, absolutely required. She didn't ask me any details about my life, make any negative comments, or do anything to cause a stir. She was clearly humbled by her near death experience, but asked if we could begin to be friends five years down the road. I told her that I couldn't imagine that at the moment and that my silence in communication could be permanent given the way everything ended (GIGS on her end). I left her with a final hug and said, a happy ending, eh? She started crying, and I began walking away. After thoughts I feel that an enormous weight has been taken off my back, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am not back to square one, I have advanced into a deeper level of healing that wouldnt have been possible had I not done this. I showed her the part of me that she loved, not the part she began to hate. I presented myself cool, happy, unaffected, and clear headed. The 'no contact' will continue absolutely...
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