My ex is really suffering too!

[TheDovic]

So my ex has been throwing "breadcrumbs" lately and I have decided to go nc to ease my suffering.

 

Anyway, my brother told me he was speaking to my ex's mum who told him my ex is really suffering after the break up, is sad all the time and spends all her time alone in her room. Her mum then started crying and drove off without saying goodbye (quite strange as her mum isn't overly emotional)

 

I always got the feeling my ex made a rash decision with the breakup especially as she has been trying to get back into my life so much, but didn't know she was feeling this bad. Kind of makes me feel a bit better that I'm not the only one going through such a terrible time. In my mind I pictured her out with other men and getting on with her life.

 

My question is to anyone who's ever dumped someone... Did you feel as bad as my ex seems to be? Would really appreciate input from Mack05 as I like your no nonsense advice (plus you seem to know my story). Any other comments are also very welcome

[Mack05]

Not sure my no nonsense advise is always appreciated, but cheers for the sentiment Dovic. This is a perfect example that dumpers are human too and that they suffer too. Sadly there is nothing you can Dovic. I know you want to be her knight in shining armour. You know she is sad, you know she is giving you crumbs and you love this woman with all your heart. You want to reach out to her. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.

 

The thing is mate, unless your ex finds happiness within herself then you cannot be with her. You have spoke before about her low self esteem. Adding the fact that she was so stressed working 3 jobs, a new house and a marriage. It is an awful lot to handle for a girl so young. Until she resolves her personal issues, you cannot consider going back to the relationship. It will more than likely fail again if you do. I know you want to help her, but the only person that can help your ex is herself. You can only rely on loved one's, for your own individual happiness for so long. You sound like a great guy Dovic and I'm sure you made her happy for most of the relationship, but if someone in the relationship is not happy within themselves, eventually the relationship will suffer. This is what happened with your relationship.

 

As hard as this is you need to focus on yourself. The only person that can fix your ex's problems is your ex. She has to want to rebuild her self esteem. She has to want to beat her insecurities. I don't believe she can do all this, within the constraints of a relationship. I think she reached out previously because she misses you. All you can do is try move on with you life (as hard as that must sound). Unless she makes the big effort to reach out to you, you need to give her the space she needs to deal with her issues. If she doesn't come back then it's not meant to be. I feel your pain buddy, the situation sucks but you need to stick with NC. If she reaches out (post her straight away) then there are many things to consider, but you need to train your mind that she will never reach out (as in Dovic I really want you back, not lets be friends)..

Edited September 18, 2011 by Mack05

[TheDovic]

Cheers Mack, and you're right, I wanted to be her knight, that's why I asked for advice, cos somewhere inside me I knew I shouldn't be.

 

Greatly appreciated as always buddy

[dreamcity]

That really was good advice Mack05. It's true, I hadn't really considered my ex's not wanting to be with me as symptomatic of his own insecurities, but I think that might actually be the case. Sad, sad, sad.