Maroon718 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Hi everyone, I dated this guy for 5 years and we lived together for 4 years. He dumped me in April, but we still acted like bf and gf up until June (when he first got with his "rebound"). We were also engaged. I made another post about this, but in early August he started asking to give the ring back even though he said I could keep it. So, after he said that to me I went full NC for about 2 - 3 weeks. During that time he texted me, called me, called my MOTHER, left a vm message, drove by my apartment a few times etc. He said he did this because he thought I was "dead". I even ignored his birthday which was towards the end of August. I also started casually dating another guy. The day after his birthday I ended up breaking NC. We talked about our relationship and about why I had been ignoring him. I told him that I needed him to be there for me and I could hear the hurt in his voice when said "Haven't I always been there for you?" Then I said I felt like his mother when we were dating and I needed him to be a stronger man and equal partner and he said "you don't have to worry about that anymore." His family told me that when he found out I was dating someone else he looked "depressed and heartbroken." The rebound girl was there with him during our entire conversation, heard everything he said to me and saw his reaction when he found out I was dating someone. Even after all of that, SHE'S STILL WITH HIM! Also, I'm pretty sure she knows about his crazy reaction to me ignoring him!!! He came over to my apartment yesterday, driving HER CAR even though he has his own, to exchange some items with me. I'm also supposed to see him again tomorrow. What should I do?
M2155 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Well why are you seeing him? Take it from a reboundee, you clearly have the advantage over the rebound girl. He doesn't care about her or he would not have had that conversation around her. She is just a distraction and once he realizes he true feelings he will come back to you or move on with someone else. Any guy who's been with someone for a long time is probably not going to react well to hearing his ex is with another man and obviously you're doing everything right since he is wondering about you. If I were in your shoes (and I'd love to be in your shoes right now;)), I'd listen to him. But I would keep doing like you're doing and keep your distance and seeing other guys until he makes it official that he wants you back. And if not, you didn't waste your time wondering if he was serious.
Author Maroon718 Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) I'm seeing him because I have a gift I wanted to give him. I think I'm going to give up hope though. I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and he told me that my ex and the rebound seem really happy together. He also said that my ex told me that he really likes her. It hurts really bad because I would figure after 5 years he'd still have feelings for me. She's not even a stable person. Just this year alone she went from being engaged, to chasing after a man that didn't want to date her but would fool around with her on the side, to getting with my ex. The guy she was chasing after is a good friend of my ex and the guy had a gf at the time. The rebound ended up breaking up their relationship but he still rejected her. As far as her relationship with my ex, she gave a list of reasons as to why she'd never ever date someone like him. A few weeks later, they end up in a relationship. I don't know... Edited September 18, 2011 by Maroon718
M2155 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Give it time. Neither of them sound emotionally ready to maintain a serious relationship with each other. They may very well be happy right now, but right now is not the "real" relationship. And of course your guy is going to say he's happy and likes her, especially if he knows you will find out about it. They are having fun and their relationship distracts them from dealing with their deeper feelings, but it won't be the same a few months from now. If I were a betting woman, I'd put money on that. I wouldn't give him any gifts though! I sorta did that too and I feel so stupid like why am I giving, giving, giving when he is running in the opposite direction. Leave him alone, he'll find you when they start getting on each other's nerves.
Author Maroon718 Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Do you think it would be best to just go no contact again? BTW, they've only been dating for about 3 months.
M2155 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Best for you, yes. I would not ignore him totally but you shouldn't initiate anything because he's already made a choice. Get gone so he can act on feeling "depressed and heartbroken". Why should he have the satisfaction of knowing you are there whenever he calls? Why should he feel you will be there waiting whenever he gets tired/bored of her? But also because of the reality that he may not come back and you need to heal and move on. My ex was with me for almost 2 years before going back, but I was way more stable than this woman sounds. Being left is lonely but waiting would be much worse. Either way, don't let him have her with the comfort of knowing he can have you when he gets around to it. The "safety net" as they call it.
goldengirl11 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I hope I'm not disturbing your thread, but I'm going through a situation at the moment, say for about 2 weeks since my ex hasn't initiated contact with me - or replied to my e-mails since yet. Of course I am worried that I may have said the wrong thing which has made him back off to possibly think, but perhaps he is away at the moment. As far as I know he is still living with his parents who he moved back in with about a year ago to go on a university course in London. He was an old colleague who got back in touch about 3-4 years after we had worked together, a couple of months after he'd ended a long relationship with his last girlfriend. Now, what happened earlier this year when he started dating someone else whilst we were still dating (although sadly hadn't seen each other for a month which I blame myself for after he had asked me for a drink a couple of times which I couldn't make - but then he didn't follow up around that time when I asked him!!). Shortly after this though near valentine's day it came out that he was seeing someone else which I was very very upset about, as although we hadn't yet talked about it becoming exclusive, I hoped that it was leading that way. However, unfortunately when we'd attempted to have sex the last time at Xmas, it was near impossible as I was probably just a bit tense. But we did do other intimate things. He didn't see me on NYE which I'd suggested after he was v tired coming back to see grandparents with family (which I believe), but I didn't fear as he said we would make it another night when we can try different things, which of course goes back to me saying previously that me like a fool couldn't make. After I was aware he was dating this girl fromearly/mid Feb ish and he'd asked if we should be friends, I told him that I was disappointed but didn't really give him an answer, as hoped it would fizzle out between them. However, their dating obviously pretty much took over guessing they maybe met through college or something, when I was 40 mins away say from his home who he had to make an effort to see. Basically for the next 2 months he kept me on a string via text - him initiating - but not maing time to see me and then noticed he went quiet for a fortnight when I'd texted him on the Royal Wedding weekend to catch up when he said he was with someone now. I felt a wreck. He has very occasionally initiated contact but more me admittedly, sometimes getting a reply, sometimes not. However about 6 weeks ago he started sending me random e-mails asking how I was etc, if a bit flirty. For example about 3 wks ago I said that I was starting a beauty therapy course soon, to which he offered for me to practice on him! Also to resend some photos which I had sent before a few months b4 which he said he sadly couldn't open. O fcourse this was an opportunity to ask him if he was still with her, but bottled out. I then initiated contact about a week later saying that I was popping over his way and if he fancied meeting up, but he obviously dodged the question. I have since sent him a few e-mails, including one which had pretty much said that I'd like us to start seeing each other if slowly as think it would be better this time round.. and since a couple of other how's it going type messages to perhaps shade over that one a bit as felt a bit embarassed, but not yet heard anything. I know he went away for a few days to a week a few weeks ago, which he said afterwards, but not entirely sure what's happening now, whether he's gone away again and plans to reply when he gets back or whether he doesn't need me anymore if that girl is back in the picture. I have drafted an e-mail asking this so I know, even this is v scary to do incase it's not what I want to hear. Am just feeling very... vulnerable if that makes sense right now as am scared have lost him. I fear though that he will only get back in touch when it *has* ended with this girl and he will want sex. Of course I want it to be exclusive, but would hope that as he would no longer be a student that there might be less temptation then. My Mum seemed to give the impression that because he was a student it was almost acceptable, but I was obviously a bit nieve and din't speak up for myself before it was too late.It's fair to say that I'm in turmoil thinking he has dropped me again.
goldengirl11 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Ps I realise that that was a very long post, but I suppose was just letting it all out. Most of it anyway. My last e-mail to him on Sun wrote that I hope it wasn't something I'd said and mentioned about the new bar job I'd started on Sat.
goldengirl11 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Was meant to say that my e-mails I was referring to at top of main post have been sent in the last 10 days
goldengirl11 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Finally (!) had tried to edit again my post but wasn't able to! Thanks for any advice in advance and sorry to Maroon178 for writing on your thread!!
goldengirl11 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) Oops - was meant to say Maroon718!! Edited September 20, 2011 by goldengirl11 .
goldengirl11 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I feel that I can relate to M2155's last post!
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