AngelinaS Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Hi, I am totally in a confused state. I met this guy who is much younger to me...He was flirting with me and I did reciprocate after some time as I felt he is a very nice person. Later on he told me (after a couple of weeks), he is in a relationship with a married woman but she is ok with him getting married to another girl. However, he gave mixed signals about my age etc (as I am elder ). It all happened in 3 weeks. He suddenly calls me today and tells me that the girl (who is married to another guy, has a kid) who he is in a relationship with does not want him to talk to me. She wanted him to call me and tell me that he has done a mistake getting involved with me. He was made to put on speaker then. He was married to some girl 10 years back and the girl has committed suicide. (If this information is of any help). He went NC after he said this in the morning. I feel so devastated and insulted. Why have I been dragged into this? Is there a way to cope up with this? Doesn't he owe an apology atleast? All he said was 'Hey, I am sorry...we got into a big fight. She does not want me to talk to you. She wants em to say this in front of her. I am putting the speaker on. I think I made a mistake getting involved with you'. That's all I got... I think It was my mistake knowing that he is in a relationship with a married woman and hoping he would leave her for me... .
geegirl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Why did you not think it was insulting for you to continue with him while being involved with a married woman? By doing that you essentially taught him that you are accepting of being disrespected and that you are willing to be with someone who believes that infidelity is perfectly tolerated. You've almost taught him that you are willing to lay like a doormat and let him do whatever he may with you. Do you think that after he told he is with a married woman and you still accepted him, do you believe he would think you to be someone he could respect? It was only a couple of weeks before he told you he was married which was enough time to check yourself and not put yourself in a situation with someone like him. You're expecting integrity and respectful behavior from someone who has shown you that he does not have it to give by his treatment of getting involved with you while with a married woman. What about that situation screams honorable and decent man? He can't be decent to you. You're hoping for something he can't give you. See him for who he is. Don't place high expectations on others, especially someone like him. You should be setting those expectations for yourself. Hi, I am totally in a confused state. I met this guy who is much younger to me...He was flirting with me and I did reciprocate after some time as I felt he is a very nice person. Later on he told me (after a couple of weeks), he is in a relationship with a married woman but she is ok with him getting married to another girl. However, he gave mixed signals about my age etc (as I am elder ). It all happened in 3 weeks. He suddenly calls me today and tells me that the girl (who is married to another guy, has a kid) who he is in a relationship with does not want him to talk to me. She wanted him to call me and tell me that he has done a mistake getting involved with me. He was made to put on speaker then. He was married to some girl 10 years back and the girl has committed suicide. (If this information is of any help). He went NC after he said this in the morning. I feel so devastated and insulted. Why have I been dragged into this? Is there a way to cope up with this? Doesn't he owe an apology atleast? All he said was 'Hey, I am sorry...we got into a big fight. She does not want me to talk to you. She wants em to say this in front of her. I am putting the speaker on. I think I made a mistake getting involved with you'. That's all I got... I think It was my mistake knowing that he is in a relationship with a married woman and hoping he would leave her for me... . Edited September 17, 2011 by geegirl
Author AngelinaS Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I think you are right Geegirl... I should have thought about it all before getting emotionally involved in the relationship.
geegirl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 You have to have boundaries Angelina. What you will tolerate and what you won't. If you don't have boundaries, people will do with you as they may. You didn't even give yourself enough time to get to know him and who he is. You dove in based on surface level attraction and nothing more. Two weeks after knowing each other, he told you he is dating a married woman. Did you think that he actually took your "getting together" seriously by telling you that? No. He was just telling you because he wanted to get your "ok" that these are the terms of the R and if you are accepting then the two of you can move forward. It was his way of telling you not to expect anything more. And you gave him exactly that. There was no intent of having anything real with you. I am sorry. There is a reason why he's with a married woman. There is no level of any type of commitment and he probably is the kind that seeks those types of arrangements. A married woman is the perfect situation for someone like him who wants to just dabble. If you are seeking a true, healthy and meaningful relationship, you need to set clear and healthy boundaries for yourself, get to know someone first, and if you see red flags and one that is as big as this, run. It's easy to get caught up with a fantasy but it's through mistakes like this that we learn. If you are still expecting an apology from him. Don't. The fact that he was playing two women at the same time is a sign that he has no conscience or a moral compass to have empathy and care for another human being. He is in it for himself. It's not about you. It's about him and who he is. You didn't do anything wrong but fall prey to your emotions. Good luck to you.
Author AngelinaS Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Thank you Geegirl. Somehow, it makes sense and I feel better now. You really seem to have a matured way of thinking. Wish I could be like you (Truly)
country_gurl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Instead of wasting your time and energy being insulted, why don't you spend some time trying to figure out WHY you would be wasting 2 seconds of your life thinking about a guy who has no morals or conscience such that he's screwing around with some guy's wife?.....PLUS (as if that's not enough), he was hitting on you as well. Come on woman, wake up! The guy is nothing but a man-wh0re. He doesn't respect love. He doesn't respect women. He doesn't respect monogamy. He doesn't respect another man's marriage/family. He doesn't respect you. Are you that hard up for a man?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Sorry you had to find out so hurtfully that you got involved with someone who turned out to be a real clown. You have nothing to hang your head about. Whatever you tell yourself, don't tell yourself you were "dumped". You were let off the hook of a major mismatch--you, a grown up woman, him a little boy who takes orders from his mommy substitute. Tell yourself how strong you are and believe it.
Author AngelinaS Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Thank you all! You guys are just great. You take time out to make others feel better... Feel much much better. I just need to think of how to handle this at work from tomorrow...(We work together)
geegirl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Thank you Geegirl. Somehow, it makes sense and I feel better now. You really seem to have a matured way of thinking. Wish I could be like you (Truly) Well, I myself had to go through a few assclowns to get my head straight. Hard lessons learned will get you there. Learn from this and move on. Don't waste one more second on this man, i know it is hard. But in time you will knock yourself on the head wondering what you were thinking. I promise!
Author AngelinaS Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 This guy in question was back...apologized and left the other girl (That's what he said to me). He says he loves me...but does not commit on anything. He still flirts with other girls and moody sometimes. What do I do? Should I stay in this relation or shall i just get out and make myself stronger and move on...? Please suggest what is good for me.
HappyFlower Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 This guy in question was back...apologized and left the other girl (That's what he said to me). He says he loves me...but does not commit on anything. He still flirts with other girls and moody sometimes. What do I do? Should I stay in this relation or shall i just get out and make myself stronger and move on...? Please suggest what is good for me. Please think seriously about moving on, I know its hard, but look at the position he put you in last time. He's thinks that is is acceptable to a) be in a relationship with a married woman b) get involved with another woman at the same time (yourself) c) allow the married woman to dictate who he sees Does that sound like someone you can trust, and can see yourself in a happy future with? He says he loves you, and he left the other girl. Do you believe him? If he loves you, he will prove it, with so much more than words. Go NC, and see if he doesn anything to show you he's worth someone like you. I personally would forget him - he has no respect for love, trust, women or others feelings.
SoulFinger Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Very simple..you should tell him to leave you alone and do what you should do.This man is not a man you want in your life.Take a good look at yourself and your morals then you will know the answer.Seriously Angelina deep down you know what you should do..there are plenty of good men out there..stay away from men like that.Good luck;)
Author AngelinaS Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 He now says he is confused about us... I wanted to go NC...but he wants to be in touch... How many times will he want to break my heart... . Probably because i allow him to do that... But it's difficult.
Mcnulty Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 This guy is poison and a complete and utter ****. Have you let him come back into your life? If so, you're totally nuts. Have some self respect for yourself....block, ignore and move on, hes a gameplayer.
geegirl Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 He now says he is confused about us... I wanted to go NC...but he wants to be in touch... How many times will he want to break my heart... . Probably because i allow him to do that... But it's difficult. As many times as you let him. And there's more where that came from. You teach people who to treat you. You'll never get anything from this man just a yo-yo relationship that suits his needs. You have no boundaries and will let this man run rampant in your life. If you have any self respect, you will let him go instead of waiting for magic to change this man into something you want. Sadly, you probably feel this is the best you can get that's why you keep waiting around.
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