smclal1 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I never knew you could feel pain like this. My ex and i had been together for almost three years, he was head over heels from the beginning and transfered schools to be with me...but we moved in together a few weeks ago and he freaked out and said he wasnt in love with me anymore and wanted to be single...i was shocked, we always joked that if something ever happened like this I would be the one to end it...he immediately started flirting and i just cant move on...he said i will always be his first true love but that he needs time to grow up and that I shouldnt wait for him...i asked him why he didnt love me anymore and he said it was because he always felt inferior to me like he could never measure up which is why he is talking to insecure gross girls...i dont know what to do i know he will regret this I just dont know if I can move on...there was so much history and our relationship was amazing for such a long time and we had only been having problems during the summer...how and should I get him back...I am so confused and everyone is telling me I can do better but all I want is him he was my best friend.
wannabdone Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I never knew you could feel pain like this. My ex and i had been together for almost three years, he was head over heels from the beginning and transfered schools to be with me...but we moved in together a few weeks ago and he freaked out and said he wasnt in love with me anymore and wanted to be single...i was shocked, we always joked that if something ever happened like this I would be the one to end it...he immediately started flirting and i just cant move on...he said i will always be his first true love but that he needs time to grow up and that I shouldnt wait for him...i asked him why he didnt love me anymore and he said it was because he always felt inferior to me like he could never measure up which is why he is talking to insecure gross girls...i dont know what to do i know he will regret this I just dont know if I can move on...there was so much history and our relationship was amazing for such a long time and we had only been having problems during the summer...how and should I get him back...I am so confused and everyone is telling me I can do better but all I want is him he was my best friend. Well, I agree with everyone else. You can do better. But the hear wants what the heart wants, and very seldom listens to the head. First off, if you really love him....let him go. Let him go see what the world has to offer with out you, his safety net. Don't intitate contact. I promise you, if you don't....he will come back with in 20-30 days. PROMISE!!! If you see him, act as if you are on top of the world...no cares, no worries. If you are friends on fb, don't take him off. DON'T CONTACT HIM, BUT DON'T TAKE HIM OFF. Make posts to see that you are having a great time .....WITH OUT HIM. I have even read books to make a fake fb person that is of opposite sex, that makes posts on your page. Flirt, but don't go to far. Don't do damange that you can't take back. But let him see that other men would be happy to have you. If and when he does contact you, keep it brief, always be the one to have to get off the phone. Be nice, BUT NO TALKING OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. You will have a time and place other than that one to talk about those. Remember you are trying to get him back, no scare him off. You need him to remember you as the happy go lucky girl. JUST ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND...THE PERSON WHO CARES THE LEAST, HOLDS THE MOST POWER IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Keep repeating this over and over to yourself. And he will come back...promise. Now onto what I see....he is blaming you for being too good, and thats they reason why he is leaving you. BULL ****.... thats not a real man, sweetie, sorry. You deserve someone who lifts you up for your accomplishments. Being an older, successful woman...this is something that is OFTEN said by cowards. I hope you see you deserve better. But, if you don't do the above stated, and he will be back. good luck!
Kamila Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 My ex-boyfriend also lashed out that he felt 'inferior' to me. He said he couldn't measure up to all that I have accomplished so far in my life (going to uni, getting a good job, company car,...). I thought to myself: hey, this isn't a competition between us. We are lovers, not competitors, get over yourself! But deep-down, he felt inferior, and that was the reality between us. To some degree he felt proud of what I had accomplished, but he just couldn't stop measuring himself up to me. One time he even said: i don't know why you're still with me, you should be with someone else. Did he mean someone that deserved me? He didn't deserve me? Did he mean that? See, it's something you can't do anything about. If your ex-boyfriend is feeling inferior, and by that he's feeling unhappy, it's time to leave the boat. If someone can't be happy for you, then it's not love. Love is unconditional and not something you measure. If he's jealous or envy, then it's not love. But like the person said above, don't contact him, just let him be. He has to sort himself out. He has to deal with his insecurities and find a way that he can better himself in life. It's possible that he comes back, but take this break-up time to reflect on yourself. Take care.
name goeshere Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Deep down men need to feel admired. If they don't feel admired they don't feel needed and aren't happy. Women tend to prefer appreciation. You can just leave and find someone who already is secure or you could build up his security without him knowing. Decide for yourself if it is worth it or not.
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