mehtaad Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Hey guys, my on/off relationship of 2 and a half years just ended 4 days ago, and we agreed to take the no contact route. However, 2 days ago I gave in and contacted her via email and text, explaining the reason for the break up ( I intiated it) and trying to find a closure. She agreed that we needed to break up, and left. It made me happy to see how well she was handling the break up, but also a little sad. Back in on/off days, she would be contacting me non-stop and we wouldve gotten back together in a matter of 2-3 days. This time, its different. Its real. Usually throughout the day, I'm fine with nc, however theres periods where I break down, and want nothing more then to talk to her. So far, I've been holding myself back because I dont want to initiate contact, and make this harder for her. She wants a clean break, and I'm going to respect that. However, I'm not sure how long this is going to be effective. I'm afraid one of these days, I'll get too overwhelmed and do it anyway. So my question to you guys is, how do you stop yourself from contacting your ex? What are your strategies?
Jonnyy Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 One of the things i do is if i ever feel like contacting my ex i just instead contact a friend and have some nice small talk with them. It usuallly takes my mind off of her and its nice to have social contact with someone who makes you feel good. Another thing that i have done is to just think through why i want to contact her. Would it do any good? Would it make her running back to me instantly? Will she even care? And i always come up with the answers no, no, and no. Just think of each day that you dont contact her, a day of being that much stronger and another day of her realizing that you can live without her which will most certainly hurt her. Stay in there bud, Early NC is the hardest, You can do it, dont worry, i promise.
Author mehtaad Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Thank you Jonnyy, that was really helpful. Everything about this is so new to me. First relationship, first love, and first break up. I have no idea what kind of feelings and thoughts I should be expecting. I think I will start my own journal of coping, it seems very helpful.
appletini Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 When I'm having a really dramatic moment and I want to send a desperate text like "How could you give up on us?" it's easy to think that my (newly-minted) ex will read it as he's sitting alone in his room sulking and crying over our lost love. That makes me want to send it all the more, because I feel like it will have the right impact. He'll keel over with emotion, think of everything he did wrong, and some dark orchestral music will start playing in the background. The thing is, part of being broken up is not knowing where your ex is or what he's doing, so the text could come while he's in the middle of watching Old School, in a strip club, watching a guy on the street running around in clown shoes, or sitting on the toilet. A phone call could come at an equally awkward time - maybe he's bolting after a cab driver yelling because he left his umbrella on the seat, and at that moment I try to make some weepy call about "Y-you l-l-eft me!!" C'mon.
Author mehtaad Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Or even worse, the ex could be out with their friends having fun, when they get your desperate, pathetic text. They know you're sitting in your room crying over the relationship while they're out enjoying life. I am trying to put on a strong, has-everything-together facade and that one text would ruin it all!
todd Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Whenever I would feel like messaging my ex or talking to her, I would just look at my list of what I want in a relationship and it would help me realize that the person she is right now is not someone I want to be with or have in my life.
Author mehtaad Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 That's a good strategy todd, I will try that. NC is so hard to do
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