SugarLily Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 So after two and a half years - my boyfriend left me. Here's my story: We officially met through a wonderful friend of mine - who gave my ex my number. We dated for literally a few weeks - then decided to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' Let me just say at this point that prior to this I had been entirely single for 18 years - and I loved it. I loved being single - the last thing I wanted was a relationship. But me and this guy got along so well - I knew I would regret not pursuing it. The first 6 months of our relationship were amazing. We were inseparable. He was so committed - he wanted to spend every free minute he had with me. He pretty much lived at my house. He was so sweet - really everything I could ever had wanted. At around the 6 month mark we started to have 'difficulites' - We started to argue more - and things were rocky. I still loved him with all my heart - and I loved him even more because he never gave up on us. He was always so determined for us to be together. Just after our year anniversary we broke up (initiated by me). For a number of reasons - mainly because it didn't feel the way it used to. He changed - he became dismissive, snappy, reserved. He never made me feel loved, or wanted. During our break up we both dated other people. About 8 weeks later I contacted him in the hope of us being friends (stupid, I know). I was so happy to see him again, and to have him in my life - even on a friend basis. However, it soon became apparent that he was wanting more. He became very upset and said that he loved me and wanted me back - he said there was no way he could be 'just friends' with me. So we gave it another go. Initially we were very happy - but the same issues kept arising - and we would argue and fight regularly. About 9 months later I decided it was best we call it a day. He didn't fight my decision. I dated someone else - and he met other girls. About a month later he contacted me about some mail he had for me - we met - and instantly I was right back to square one. I love this guy with everything I have. But I know he doesn't deserve it. We've been together since then. It hasn't been easy. He's not the guy I fell in love with. I don't even recognise him anymore. He's selfish, arrogant, rude, insensitive, and very inconsiderate. And yet, I love him so, so much. But I don't like him anymore. I don't like who he has become. I hoped that if I really put my everything into us - we might work. We haven't fought for a while - but today he told me that he wants to be 'single and selfish', that he wants to 'do his own thing'. I am devastated. He's never really initiated a break up before - and he sure as hell has never said anything like this before. I really have no idea where this has come from. I love him so much - I am completely heartbroken. So that's it - i'm so sorry it's so long. From now on i'll be posting my 'break up progress' on here daily. My heart goes out to everyone who is hurting. x
esteem-jam Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Looks like you hurt him and he decided he needs revenge on you- to hurt you, by being arrogant and selfish. Also 9 months apart from one another and then coming back together? Does not sound like a good plan, not enought time to have plenty of life slices/experience. You should have stayed separated. Also you mentioned "the same issues kept arising", so it was unwise from your/his part to get together if you knew that those problems were not dealt with/resolved.
mike588 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 So after two and a half years - my boyfriend left me. Here's my story: We officially met through a wonderful friend of mine - who gave my ex my number. We dated for literally a few weeks - then decided to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' Let me just say at this point that prior to this I had been entirely single for 18 years - and I loved it. I loved being single - the last thing I wanted was a relationship. But me and this guy got along so well - I knew I would regret not pursuing it. The first 6 months of our relationship were amazing. We were inseparable. He was so committed - he wanted to spend every free minute he had with me. He pretty much lived at my house. He was so sweet - really everything I could ever had wanted. At around the 6 month mark we started to have 'difficulites' - We started to argue more - and things were rocky. I still loved him with all my heart - and I loved him even more because he never gave up on us. He was always so determined for us to be together. Just after our year anniversary we broke up (initiated by me). For a number of reasons - mainly because it didn't feel the way it used to. He changed - he became dismissive, snappy, reserved. He never made me feel loved, or wanted. During our break up we both dated other people. About 8 weeks later I contacted him in the hope of us being friends (stupid, I know). I was so happy to see him again, and to have him in my life - even on a friend basis. However, it soon became apparent that he was wanting more. He became very upset and said that he loved me and wanted me back - he said there was no way he could be 'just friends' with me. So we gave it another go. Initially we were very happy - but the same issues kept arising - and we would argue and fight regularly. About 9 months later I decided it was best we call it a day. He didn't fight my decision. I dated someone else - and he met other girls. About a month later he contacted me about some mail he had for me - we met - and instantly I was right back to square one. I love this guy with everything I have. But I know he doesn't deserve it. We've been together since then. It hasn't been easy. He's not the guy I fell in love with. I don't even recognise him anymore. He's selfish, arrogant, rude, insensitive, and very inconsiderate. And yet, I love him so, so much. But I don't like him anymore. I don't like who he has become. I hoped that if I really put my everything into us - we might work. We haven't fought for a while - but today he told me that he wants to be 'single and selfish', that he wants to 'do his own thing'. I am devastated. He's never really initiated a break up before - and he sure as hell has never said anything like this before. I really have no idea where this has come from. I love him so much - I am completely heartbroken. So that's it - i'm so sorry it's so long. From now on i'll be posting my 'break up progress' on here daily. My heart goes out to everyone who is hurting. x This sounds like my now ex g/f .She kept breaking up with ex then go back, breakup and go back and now she back with him after dumping me. Your are obviously obsessed about him. If your not happy you need to move on. This is not a happy or healthy relationship. Go No Contact and move on.
Mack05 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Sugarlily your relationship for all intensive purposes was effectively over when you posted this -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t286860/ If a girlfriend or an ex girlfriend of mine posted that about me, there would never be a second chance, no matter how angry or upset she was. I know you will say "well he never saw it" but seriously, that is not the point I am making here. Your mindset was so wrong. That did not look like a girl who wanted (or believed in) a long term relationship with her man. You both have been so up and down, because the harsh reality is you are just not right for one another. After you have some time to reflect on this, you will realise this obvious fact. The truth is, your ego is hurting a lot more then your heart. For the first time he has left you and this does not sit well with you. It is very obvious from the outside and reading your posts that you do not belong with this guy. You have tried and failed a few times now. That should tell you all you need to know. You can't ignore dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you both think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours. U say you love him, but I have my doubts (no woman posts the above about a man she truly loves). Either way my opinion here is not important. You need so much more then 'love' to make a relationship work. You guys are like two pieces of a jigsaw that will never fit together, no matter how hard you try and no matter who many alterations you make. Staying together would lead to a life of misery for you both. Working hard everyday to try making something work, that will never work leaves you tired, bored and frustrated. This can and probably will lead to hatred and bitterness. I post this alot but please buy the book 'Getting past your breakup' and complete the relationship inventory. It is vital now you go NC and stay NC (no matter what). Because he rejected you, there will be temptations galore to break NC. You must not. It's a scary feeling facing the world on your own after a failed relationship. It's that 'fear' that drives people not right for each other, back into each others arms. That uncomfortable feeling of being alone makes so many people make wrong decisions. They kid themselves they will both change, anything better then being alone. The bottom line is, this man can never give you what you are looking for Sugar. A great honeymoon period does not lead to a great relationship. It's what happens after the honeymoon period that counts. Your relationship has been a serious of honeymoon periods and breakups. There is no foundation to this relationship and there never will be. It's time to look in the mirror and accept reality. Use this time to focus on yourself. To become a better person. To learn from mistakes. Be the best sugarlily you can be. Eventually you will attract a man who is right for you. After the honeymoon period you will still want him and everything will just be natural. Wish your ex well (in your head) but now is the time to start grieving and healing. I wish you well Edited September 17, 2011 by Mack05
nini Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Hi Sugarlily, Just read this thread and the other one which Mack has referenced to...I can see where you're coming from with the letter you wrote earlier...I've been there, when my fiance left me after I moved to his city to be with him and moved into his house and then he wanted me out, I was soooooo hurt, betrayed, angry, upset, wanted revenge, wanted to hurt him, to the point that I contemplated breaking his brand new TV that his parents bought him for the house...I guess its that loss of control that makes us go a bit mad...but I've been reading books to help myself..including the one Mack suggested, the following really really help me with my anger, fear and despair: - Thich Nhat Hanh - Reconciliation - Thich Nhat Hanh - Anger There are also free video podcasts on Itunes which I find very very helpful to listen to when on the bus or just before bed... Try the above and see if they help with feeling a bit more calmer and in control of the situation... Hugs!! I hope you feel better soon!! xxx
Author SugarLily Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Thank you all SO much for your responses - I really appreciate them! Mack05 - I think i'm going to print your reply and stick it on my wall. I know you are entirely right - we aren't right for each other. And we never will be. I think in my heart he's known this for a while - whilst i've been fighting to believe that we are destined to be happy together. I can only hope that I come through this stronger and in a better situation than I have found myself for the last two and a half years. I can understand how my previous post - 'the letter' would seem disrespectful - but I wasn't healed. I was still very much hurting - and those things were not written sincerely. I do love him. I am in love with him. But I think it's more about me being in love with the person he used to be. If I met him as he is now - I would never fall in love with him. I'll be posting my 'progress' everday - so hopefully i'll be able to look back in the future and see the process of development my break up allowed me to experience. I'm going to work on myself - but i'm not going to give up on the idea of falling in love and getting married in the future. But now i've come to realise that you can't be defined by a relationship. My best friend told me break-ups are like 'being on a rollercoaster' - i'm sure i'll have happier days and sadder days - but I hope this journey brings me to a better place in the future. Nini- Thank you so much for your reply - will definitely check those out! Sending you lots of love x x x x x x x
Buttercup84 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 So after two and a half years - my boyfriend left me. Here's my story: We officially met through a wonderful friend of mine - who gave my ex my number. We dated for literally a few weeks - then decided to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' Let me just say at this point that prior to this I had been entirely single for 18 years - and I loved it. I loved being single - the last thing I wanted was a relationship. But me and this guy got along so well - I knew I would regret not pursuing it. The first 6 months of our relationship were amazing. We were inseparable. He was so committed - he wanted to spend every free minute he had with me. He pretty much lived at my house. He was so sweet - really everything I could ever had wanted. At around the 6 month mark we started to have 'difficulites' - We started to argue more - and things were rocky. I still loved him with all my heart - and I loved him even more because he never gave up on us. He was always so determined for us to be together. Just after our year anniversary we broke up (initiated by me). For a number of reasons - mainly because it didn't feel the way it used to. He changed - he became dismissive, snappy, reserved. He never made me feel loved, or wanted. During our break up we both dated other people. About 8 weeks later I contacted him in the hope of us being friends (stupid, I know). I was so happy to see him again, and to have him in my life - even on a friend basis. However, it soon became apparent that he was wanting more. He became very upset and said that he loved me and wanted me back - he said there was no way he could be 'just friends' with me. So we gave it another go. Initially we were very happy - but the same issues kept arising - and we would argue and fight regularly. About 9 months later I decided it was best we call it a day. He didn't fight my decision. I dated someone else - and he met other girls. About a month later he contacted me about some mail he had for me - we met - and instantly I was right back to square one. I love this guy with everything I have. But I know he doesn't deserve it. We've been together since then. It hasn't been easy. He's not the guy I fell in love with. I don't even recognise him anymore. He's selfish, arrogant, rude, insensitive, and very inconsiderate. And yet, I love him so, so much. But I don't like him anymore. I don't like who he has become. I hoped that if I really put my everything into us - we might work. We haven't fought for a while - but today he told me that he wants to be 'single and selfish', that he wants to 'do his own thing'. I am devastated. He's never really initiated a break up before - and he sure as hell has never said anything like this before. I really have no idea where this has come from. I love him so much - I am completely heartbroken. So that's it - i'm so sorry it's so long. From now on i'll be posting my 'break up progress' on here daily. My heart goes out to everyone who is hurting. x I am so sorry for your pain hun.Don't be sorry for writing a long post. I can relate to your story. My ex and I became an item after a few weeks and like you , at first it was so amazing but then we fought a lot . broke up once then got back together. But he wasn't the same man anymore , I loved him still so so much and was crazy about him.I fell deeply in love with him each day while he fell out of love. And the funny thing is , he was more into me at first.Like you I wanted to be single and loved it.I didn't want a boyfriend either. He became cold and mean , I didn't feel loved.Maybe for a few moments when he was nice.He ended it with me three months ago , and while I am still in love I am doing a bit better. If you ever want to talk , come here or pm me ! lots of love xx
Author SugarLily Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Buttercup84 - You are so sweet! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I can completely relate - I am crazy in love with my ex. I don't understand why - he really doesn't deserve it. For a long time he was consistently distant and disinterested. In restrospect - I think he 'checked out' of our relationship A LONG time ago. And although i'm writing this - I still can't quite believe it has happened. So happy to hear you are doing better! You deserve to feel unconditionally loved all the time. Don't ever settle for any less. I will definitely pm you soon! Thank you so much again, Lots of love to you x x x x x
Recommended Posts