kujaeast Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I am in desperate need of some advice. I've been kinda seeing this girl for a few months now. We met on a dating website and instantly connected. We would talk all the time and almost bonded immediately. I'll skim through the story as to not bore everyone. We have met up, on various occasions. The first night we met, we went out for some food, had an amazing night! We spent it laughing, talking, sharing stories with eachother. It really was amazing! That night, I drove her back home, and she invited me in for a drink. I accepted, and we sat and talked some more. We watched a movie, and just relaxed! The next night, a similar occurance happened. She invited me around to watch another film. That night we got a little closer together as we watched the television. I would meet her from work from time to time, we would spend the odd evening together every so often. She invited me to stay one night. All our time spent felt perfect to me. We just got on really well...we would always have something to talk about. One evening, we went out for drinks with some people we work with. The whole night was fantastic. We danced, and laughed, and that night more than any I felt this connection between us stronger than ever. One of our colleagues came towards us, as we danced and drunkenly slurred to me "She's got a boyfriend!" I felt my heart sink. I never felt so dejected in my life. I have come out of a really long term relationship, and this was just as painful to hear. So, she disappeared to the side of the room, and I walked to the bar. I looked over at her, and saw a look of embarrasment/confusion in her face. I felt the need to console her. I went over, and asked her if it was true what was said. She told me that it wasn't and that she is only dating this guy. They have known eachother for 6 years, and from what I gather, I believe they have dated in the past. By this point, I just wanted to go home. We was gonna share a cab home so I coudl make sure she got home ok. Once I got her home, she invited me in to talk further. I agreed, as I was still in awe over the whole situation. So we sat there, and spoke about how she felt. It was a very awkward moment, as she confessed to me that she really liked me. I reciprocated, and made her aware of my feelings for her too. She leant towards me, and began kissing me. I was totally dumbstruck. This was our first intimate encounter. I was still totally confused by it all, and didn't know how to react. We continued kissing. The next day, we went for some food, and spent the day together feeling a little hungover, but still had a great day. In the evening, her phone rang, she answered and left the room. I knew it was the other guy. I just felt this feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was gone for around 30 minutes, by which point, I had gathered my things ready to leave. I didn't want to go until her housemate was home from work, as I didn't want to leave her alone in the house. The next day, I quite bluntly said to her "I have no chance do I". She told me that she honestly don't know. She said she really does like me and loves my company. I told her the same, but told her that I couldn't go on with her in our scenario. I explained, that I was beginning to get quite attached to her, and I promised myself, I wouldn't let myself get hurt like I did when my last relationship ended. Ultimately, this meant not seeing her anymore, and cutting all contact. She was unhappy about this, and pleaded for me not to leave her. I told her it was the only way I can deal with it. The one thing I do know, is that a constant reminder of what 'could of been' is always a huge punch in the face. She also told me, that she honestly wasn't sure of how she felt about this other guy. She said "I don't even know what it is that I feel for him to be honest, Weather its the fact that I have to see it through, 'cause its been so long or because its been so long I feel obliged to." She asked me to keep our plans for Saturday night (tonight) and asked me not to ignore her. She wanted to talk about it further. I didn't contact her for a few days. She tried texting or contact through facebook, but I just ignored her. It killed me, as I am really into this girl, despite the obvious. Eventually, I confirmed our plans for Saturday, we spoke briefly through the week, in her usual manner, and slightly more flirtatious than usual. Is it wise for this to go ahead? I mean, I know I will go there with the intention of telling her that I can't see her while she's involved with this other guy. I'm just scared that she will choose him as they have a slight history, eventhough we have got on so well. One side of me almost want's to fight for her, and to come off the winner, the other side wants to run and hide before I get hurt again! What should I do?? Please help!
Voldar Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I have been in a similar situation with a girl who like both my friend and I at the same time. In the middle of all this before she did finally choose him, it was constantly "I don't know", "I like you both", etc etc. She really wasn't sure who she liked. In the end she ultimately did sneaking around with him behind my back instead of coming straight out and tell me she chose him. It was pretty hurtful because we were very good friends and liked each other, she just ended up liking him more. However, with that said, you are right to be worried that she may choose him over you. This in my opinion feels very much like the situation I was in, except more escalated into relationship area. So it really is up to you, you can try to get the girl, but that does open you up to being knocked down if she chooses him over you. I think this is a choice you have to make yourself. It's a hard one, but best you can do is tell her how you feel. Because if she waits around, who's to say you'll be around forever (now I wouldn't personally tell her that, but in some sort of way get that message across that she can't have you both, it doesn't work that way). That's my opinion on the matter. I hope it all works out for you though, but it seems really shaky where it is at right now.
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