update: happier than ever before but wanting to rub it in his face..?

[bikinibeach]

what is my problem??

 

i am dating a real life prince charming. i am madly in love with hiim. he is everything i could ever have wanted and more. we just got back from an amazing 10 day trip..he has dived headfirst into helping me heal my semi-serious physical ailments..we are emotionally, spiritually and physically connected in a very strong way..we have similar interests and goals in life..etc etc etc

 

the problem is...

 

i first met him at a party i attended with my world's greatest assclown LOSER of an ex.

 

the two of them were childhood rivals but 'frenemies' really, ie: had similar friends, friends on facebook, cordial in public... but my ex despised my current bf. it didn't help much that he was very well off and somewhat popular while my ex was the kid everyone picked on and a recent immigrant.

 

anyhow, my current bf and i went facebook official about a month ago. my ex would have seen it, as he is fb friends with my bf.

 

i have been nc with that assclown for 3 months, btw.

 

anyway, to add fb insult to fb injury, all of their mutual friends would have noticed this as well. my ex was HUGE on putting on airs with people around him, for sure this has devastated him.

 

on top of that, my guy and i are going to be posting our cutesy, exotic trip pics together any minute now.

 

my guy said he was going to delete assclown from his friends before doing this. i asked him not to, saying that i didn't want him to know that the two of us even gave him a second thought.

 

this is partially true.

 

i also just want to rub it in his face. i hope he is miserable and well, i still hate him.

 

if i had never been at that party with him though, i never would have met the amazing man i am with now.

 

i don't know what i'm expecting to hear or what questions i have for anyone. this is just a strange place to be in.

 

it's been a while since i posted, for obvious reasons

 

i hope all my coping buddies are making progress????

 

xo

[ScienceGal]

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

 

You still have feelings tied up in your ex whether you're fully aware of it or not. You're spending time thinking about him and writing about him on here. If you were really over him, you wouldn't hate him, you just wouldn't care.

 

Keep moving forward with Prince Charming and don't try to find joy in rubbing anything into anyone's face. Be above that. Just be happy.

[bikinibeach]

i know what you are saying to be true.

 

i don't have feelings feelings for that guy i used to date, i have strong feelings related to that situation i was in.

 

i still think about his ex-gf and wish her ill too. i suppose i have a vengeful side i never realized until now? i think about her and i i sure never had 'feelings' for her..

 

it kind of bugs me.. but its also kind of fun now that i'm not the one being rejected.

 

i don't want to be a person with thoughts and feelings this gross

[ScienceGal]

I used to feel the same way you do, and I've felt ill will for more than one person.. but, when you think about it, it won't do any good. It would erase the hurt you went through and it certainly won't fix anything. There really is no "getting even". There is just letting go and moving on.

 

And what you wrote isn't you, it's 100% your ego. Once you're aware of what your ego is and how it's affecting you, things might get easier. Look into some information on the subject. A New Earth by Eckart Tolle is a good read.

 

Good luck.

[Thieves]

As someone who had to suffer through someone rubbing his girlfriend(s) in my face, please, try to rise above this. The truth is, dumper or the dumpee, it still hurts the same and is a bit immature.

 

When you're totally and completely over your ex, you'll be so much happier if you look back and say you rose above things like jealousy games. Even if he's the one that hurt you first. Also, you might not think of it like this, but your ex might be less likely to believe how happy you are if you still want to rub it in his face at all. Kinda like "Well, why does she care so much that I know about how happy she is and how great her new boyfriend is? She must still be kinda bitter about what happened between us, which means I guess she hasn't really moved on as much as it looks like..." You know? I know that's what I thought when the guy I knew started rubbing it in my face. And guess what? I was right, too.

 

Success speaks for itself, and your ex knows that. The fact that you have moved on, that you have found your lovely current boyfriend, AND you're still NC is all the 'rubbing in' that he needs.

[Sugarkane]

I think some people really deserve it actually. My ex didn't remotely care about me when he dumped and insulted by text, me out of the blue after a year. Never heard from him again. No apology, no nothing.

[WTRanger]

I think some people really deserve it actually. My ex didn't remotely care about me when he dumped and insulted by text, me out of the blue after a year. Never heard from him again. No apology, no nothing.

 

Nobody deserves it. It's immature.

 

Let it go. Live your life to the fullest without stooping to childish antics. Remember this too to those of you who like to tag along the line of "Karma is a bitch." Imagine now that you feel the need to rub dirt in someone's eyes? Do you think that your supposed karma only affects the dumper? What about your snake in the grass actions?

 

As other posters have said, if you were really over your ex you wouldn't care high or low what they felt about this. Whether you still have feelings or you haven't fully come to peace with what happened, there's still something there that's causing this childish need for revenge.

 

What's your next plan? Go to the place where all of the cool kids who smoke hang out and start spreading vicious rumors? And, why are you still Facebook friends with him? Are you afraid of losing that one person to your friend count? Are you afraid you'll be a loser if you only have one less friend? Delete the ex, and tell your new man to be a man and delete the guy as well. I swear, on Facebook you act worse than children in first grade.

[Thieves]

Nobody deserves it. It's immature.

 

Let it go. Live your life to the fullest without stooping to childish antics. Remember this too to those of you who like to tag along the line of "Karma is a bitch." Imagine now that you feel the need to rub dirt in someone's eyes? Do you think that your supposed karma only affects the dumper? What about your snake in the grass actions?

 

As other posters have said, if you were really over your ex you wouldn't care high or low what they felt about this. Whether you still have feelings or you haven't fully come to peace with what happened, there's still something there that's causing this childish need for revenge.

 

What's your next plan? Go to the place where all of the cool kids who smoke hang out and start spreading vicious rumors? And, why are you still Facebook friends with him? Are you afraid of losing that one person to your friend count? Are you afraid you'll be a loser if you only have one less friend? Delete the ex, and tell your new man to be a man and delete the guy as well. I swear, on Facebook you act worse than children in first grade.

 

Yes.

 

Look at the boards. Facebook can be great sometimes - but I kid you not, it causes at least 60% of the after-problems in break ups. With people looking at each other's walls, blogs, etc. even if they're broken up and analyzing everything they do. Or wondering why he keeps 'liking' that sexy girl's pictures now? Or why did he post those comments on that one girl's wall? (aka, was he cheating?). It just causes a lot of unnecessary setbacks in healing.

 

I understand it can be a useful network to have when it comes to catching up/finding old friends or keeping up with long distance friends. But I can't count how many times I've been glad I'm not crazy about Facebook when it comes to break ups.

[stillafool]

The thing is once someone dumps you, most of the time it's because they don't want you. It's very doubtful that they will even care that you are now with someone else. I had previous boyfriends do things like that to me and most of the time I could see right through what they were trying to do and it didn't make any difference one way or the other because I didn't care.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Its perfectly natural to want revenge on somone after they have hurt you and hope that it comes back to them. If they left because they were unhappy,thats enough hurt but there is alot of other immature actions that come with it that can make it worse and is unnecessisary.

 

Lying finding out they were cheating, harrassment. All of these set backs. Thats why its best to cut yourself off completley from them. People can say (yea, if I found out now he was cheating who cares, right?) Well it takes a while to reach indiffrence so easier said then done.

 

Wether or not it is immature for wanting your revenge its normal!

They say the best revenge is to live your life happy and well. You don't need to rub it in his face. Just know by doing it is good enough!

 

When you finally do reach the state of indiffrence you won't care anymore. Do your best to keep your emotions in check and not act out on it. It will just make you look like the fool in the end.

Edited September 18, 2011 by Jdw_Icequeen