hearttopieces Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Hi guys, I will try to make to make this as short as possible. Have been seeing this guy for 1.5 years, he is in his 30s, never married, no kids. I broke up with him this year in April, no contact, because I felt I loved him a lot more than he loved me, and because I felt he was not serious about me, was clearly unable to commit, and was some sort of a womanizer (going out with women from dating sites, and becoming particularly interested in one of them - although nothing physical happened between them, I consider it as emotional affair). And such things, I am sure you know what I am talking about. My heart was broken, and I was so blind I even tried to make an axcuse for him for doing all these things... Blaming myself. The break up was extremely painful, as just a few months before it was something I couldn't even imagine to happen to us. It was extremely hard to get myself together. I cried and cried, more than what I have cried in the past decade... I had nightmares, and kept thinking about him going out with someone, and giving her all what I wanted: attention, commitment, love. My heart was broken. After the break-up he texted me and called a few times, but I did not respond, as I was determined to heal. In the meantime, something 'strange' has happened. At the beginning of August I met someone whom I am very much interested in... that way. How did I know? Well, one day I simply started thinking about him while in the bed in the morning. :love:. Doing you know what. Instead of my ex!! Of course, I never believed this could happen to me again, but it has. Finally I am able to look at other men and feel the attraction. Although I barely know this new person and we don't see each other very often. Most importantly, I am capable of having all these feelings. It feels amazing. So, one day a few weeks ago, after more than 3 months NC, I have decided to contact my ex. It was his wish, and I promised him I would. I said to myself, I don't care anymore, really, I am ready to date again, I couldn't care less. He asked to meet up and I said yes, because he seemed very sad on the phone (but nice at the same time). His excuse: to give each other the stuff we still had at each-other's places. We have seen each other about 10 times since. On first meeting he almost started crying, saying he realized his life was nothing without me. On the second date he took me out to this very expensive restaurant (it was a surprise) where we spend a few hours talking. On the third date he finally acted like himself, relaxed and everything, saying he would like to try it again with me. A few days later we went out for drinks, he grabbed me and kissed me in front of his colleagues. He would never do anything like this before. Then he told me he called my sister and asked her if we could all spend Christmas together. The point is, he is doing all these things I always wanted him to do. Honestly, I am impressed. I know he is trying hard. But, it just doesn't really excite me that much. Oh, another thing. I have slept with him a few days ago. I know, I know. I spent a lot of time reading this forum, I know, shouldn't have done it, etc. But. Here is the thing. I didn't feel anything. Mostly, I lay there like a dead fish. Kissed him a little, but that was all I could do. Please forgive me for honesty, but after I was done, I couldn't care less about him. I know it is bad. He was trying hard there too. It felt strange, like, before, I was mad about him and he really drove me crazy. Now, it was like, um, nothing special. Has anyone experienced a similar second chance? what should i do? I am so confused. I keep telling myself, I know this guy. This guy went out with other women while in a relationship with me. Of course we had this talk, and he admitted everything. But I keep telling myself, I know him. I know he likes women too much, and honestly I don't think he can change. His online profile is still online. It bothers me too much. Anyone pleease? Edited September 17, 2011 by hearttopieces
Mary-Jane Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Well who knows how long he will be on good behavior. Until he actually says he wants commitment your options should be open, so why not get to know that other guy(s) better? After all you don't know 100% he's not seeing others if his profile is still online. It's good you lost attraction to him, though, it really is good to get to that point quickly, so now at least you can be nonchalant and mysterious with any man as you have the security of someone chasing you )
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