Cowboy1015 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Ok. Some of you might have already read my first thread about my ex breaking-up with me 2 days ago. When she broke up with me, I think I handled it pretty well. We talked for 15 mins when she broke the news. She said, she thinks I'm not sincere and that this is not what she wants. Never mentioned the word break up or it's over. But, I know "this is not what I want" means it over. She said, it's should be the best since she knows I'm not happy too. Then she said, "You can still call me. We can be friends, although I think it wouldn't work". I just said, "Ok, if you're not happy I'm not gonna be happy too". Hoping that she wouldn't break up with me that day, I have with me a stuff toy that she likes. When I walked her to her car, I pulled it out and she's like... "awwwww".. lol. I gave it to her. At first, she said "No... I can't take this... please return it to the store". But then she took it. And then we parted ways. Then, yesterday, a day after the break up, I called her. I wasn't expecting she would pick up my call. Because the previous week, she never picked up my call. She seems calm, I was calm, asked her how she is. Then I asked her to see me again for one hour and talk about what went wrong. She sound a bit irritated. She said, what else do we need to talk about? I made my decision, I'm not gonna change my mind. I said, we never really got a chance to talk yesterday. I just want to be sure that this is the path that we want. She agreed to see me. Ok. So I was really sad the day she broke up with me. I was sad yesterday too. I've cried. For some reason today... I am fine... it's like I don't care if she's gone. Coz I've been through this before. So I'm pretty sure I'm ready to talk to her in few days. I do want her back. So here's my strategy. I'm not gonna ask her anymore what went wrong. I know what went wrong. I'm thinking, maybe just ask her do something with me. She's been wanting to do bunjee jump with me. Basically just have fun with her. I am planning this carefully. I would be happy if we end up again together in few days or weeks or months. I just don't want to have another sad talk with her when I see her. Unless she wanted discuss it. And I'll just listen. I guess I'm just trying to get a strategy so we get back together. I think I pretty much have control of my emotions now. Do you guys think she's not really over me because of the way she broke up with me? Saying I can call her and we can be friends... accepting my small stuff toy gift... picked up my call the following day... agreeing to see me in few days. Any suggestions on how I should handle this better to succeed in making her reconcile with me? Edited September 17, 2011 by Cowboy1015
geegirl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 For some reason today... I am fine... it's like I don't care if she's gone. Coz I've been through this before. So I'm pretty sure I'm ready to talk to her in few days. You are kidding yourself. You feel fine because you know you are meeting her. Your hope is masking your realities for the moment. That is what is making you feel fine, for now. You don't care if she's gone? If you didn't care, you wouldn't be strategizing on how to get back together again.
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 You are kidding yourself. You feel fine because you know you are meeting her. Your hope is masking your realities for the moment. That is what is making you feel fine, for now. You don't care if she's gone? If you didn't care, you wouldn't be strategizing on how to get back together again. C'mon now. Don't make me feel sad. Ok... maybe you are right. Maybe I'm fine now because she's agreed to see me. Maybe I'm fine because I see some hope that maybe she's just rushing on her decisions. But the truth is, I am fine because I am just fine. And that I've been trough this before... and I was fine after few days. But what would be really helpful for me now is to get better understanding of what she's really going through. I'm just feeling that she's not really over me yet. So I want to make a plan for a chance for us to get back together. If I don't think it's possible... I would know... and I will be fine. What I'm asking is for some good advise on how to deal with her for a good chance of reconciling. Coz I really think there's a chance.
mike588 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Drop your strategy! Sorry to say but she really doesn't want you. Dragging this out by meeting is only delaying the end and your healing. I know it's so difficult losing someone but the hand writing is on the wall. I'd do strict N.C. and move on.
geegirl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 It's funny how we cling on to the little glimpses of hope like -- she took my toy, she picked up the phone, she said she is okay to meet but we don't listen to "it's not what I want", "I'm not changing my mind", "what else is there to talk about"...why not listen to that. We tuck so far back in our minds because we are in denial and mask it all with things that are not significant or of substance. When you hear what you don't want to hear, LISTEN. Good chance at reconciling? Disappear. Give her something to think about while her feelings are still fresh. She already seemed irritated with you and now you're pushing and when you push when she feeling this way, you will push her further because you will seem desperate and needy. Unattractive to a woman. NC. Let her wonder. The last thing you want to do is "hang out" with her in hopes of her getting her feelings back. Trust me, holding out that way is going to hurt you in the end. When she told you it was not what she wanted, take it as that and move on. If she changes her mind in time, you can decide. But don't hang around and keep you life on hold hoping she will change her mind. You should never sit around hoping for someone to want you or love you.
mike588 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I could'nt of said it any better. Good job!!! Listen to her, it's true!!!
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Drop your strategy! Sorry to say but she really doesn't want you. Dragging this out by meeting is only delaying the end and your healing. I know it's so difficult losing someone but the hand writing is on the wall. I'd do strict N.C. and move on. Could it be possible that she hurried into the decision of breaking up? Is there anyone here who had a break up experience then reconciled? I'm just thinking that why would she agree to see me? See, when I broke up with my other ex long time ago. I stopped talking to her. I basically disappeared for days. I never picked up her call. Because I really wanted to break up. This one feels different. Why would she pick up my call the following day? And agreed to see me? I think people sometimes doesn't think right when they're angry. Maybe she was so angry. So now, I am giving her a chance. But I again... I tell you all... I am gonna be fine. I have full control of my emotions now. I just want to see what she's really going through.
mike588 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 What part of I've made me decision and it's not gonna change don't you get. I don't mean to be rude but it's the truth. Iv'e had women tell me that in the past and they meant it, there was no hope of getting back together,, we never did,,they have/had moved on. She's probably picking up the phone and agreeing to meet you because she may be feeling some guilt or to let you down easy. You want her back, thats obvious, so if you want ANY CHANCE just leave her alone and do N.C. !!!!!!!!!!
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 You should never sit around hoping for someone to want you or love you. Ok hold on people. I'm sensing that you guys think I'm getting desperate here. I am not sitting around and hoping for someone to want me or love me. I actually started to talk to new girls I've just met recently. I've been going out now. I just want to hangout with her and see if there's still a spark. If there's none... that's fine. I'm doing this while I'm hanging out with new people. Maybe that will be our last day of seeing each other.
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 What part of I've made me decision and it's not gonna change don't you get. I don't mean to be rude but it's the truth. Iv'e had women tell me that in the past and they meant it, there was no hope of getting back together,, we never did,,they have/had moved on. She's probably picking up the phone and agreeing to meet you because she may be feeling some guilt or to let you down easy. You want her back, thats obvious, so if you want ANY CHANCE just leave her alone and do N.C. !!!!!!!!!! Ok. As I am typing my reply to you... there's a cute girl across the other table who's seems to be looking at me. Let me wait a couple of minutes more and see if she'll take another glimpse... lol. Or maybe she's looking at the other guy. Anyway, you are right. She's probably feeling guilt. I will all let you know if I decide to see her or not. I have 3 days to think about it.
geegirl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 She tells you it's not what she wants and she made up her mind and you want to hang out to see if there's still a spark? You don't have to literally sit around waiting, but strategizing to see if someone still has something for you is something you shouldn't do. When someone wants you, they will come to you and they will show you. You won't need to strategize moves and plans in hopes of knowing. You should NC, keep seeing other people and let her come to you if she wants. Forcing it will push her away. She is already irritated. That is not a good sign nor a sign that there is a spark. Good luck to you. You need to do what you need to do. I hope things work out for you.
mike588 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Ok hold on people. I'm sensing that you guys think I'm getting desperate here. I am not sitting around and hoping for someone to want me or love me. I actually started to talk to new girls I've just met recently. I've been going out now. I just want to hangout with her and see if there's still a spark. If there's none... that's fine. I'm doing this while I'm hanging out with new people. Maybe that will be our last day of seeing each other. I can say from experience because I'm going thru my own hell at this time that I too dated several women but my mind was elsewhere,, with my ex. You are determined to see her again/get back together. I wish you the best but I think you will be dissapointed after your meeting. Maybe thats what you need is to see that it's over. She has already let you know how she feels,, meeting her, talking to her is not going to change how she feels because she has already made her decision. Good luck, keep us posted.
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 She tells you it's not what she wants and she made up her mind and you want to hang out to see if there's still a spark? You don't have to literally sit around waiting, but strategizing to see if someone still has something for you is something you shouldn't do. When someone wants you, they will come to you and they will show you. You won't need to strategize moves and plans in hopes of knowing. You should NC, keep seeing other people and let her come to you if she wants. Forcing it will push her away. She is already irritated. That is not a good sign nor a sign that there is a spark. Good luck to you. You need to do what you need to do. I hope things work out for you. I agree 100%. Thanks for the good luck.
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