shanemike88 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 After a 4 month break up with my ex we ended up talking again two weeks ago. We talked about a lot of stuff and it seemed that maybe we could reconcile our differences. So in seeing that I decided to ask her out on a nice dinner in the city we even had a toast to a "fresh start." It was perfect and it finally seemed that maybe we could get on the same page. I've been on and off with this girl for 3 years and something seemed off with her a few days ago. I didn't say anything but then I heard from her friend she was having anxiety because of us. I ended up texting her about it and even asked her if she wanted to take it slow we could (I just didn't want her to be worried about us especially after having a nice dinner.) Well her response to that was that I was being crazy and I just want space to go hook up with other people which isn't true. I actually dated a girl briefly after our breakup but have had zero interest in anybody since. I tried to talk to her yesterday and she wasn't having it she wouldn't even pick up her phone she would just text. Today I texted her asking if we could talk but have received no reply. I'm really getting tired of telling my friends and family "Oh this time it's going to be different" when the first issue we have she runs away. Aren't people supposed to workout problems instead of just throwing them under the rug pretending as if nothing happened? Can somebody please give me advice.
name goeshere Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 It sounds like she is going though the love/hate swings after a breakup. It does not sound like she is over you but trying to build a justification in her head in case things dont work out. You could tell the truth and deny dating or hooking up with anyone else but she may imagine it being different and act out because of it. She could also accept the truth. You could play along with her imagination and piss her off she she does not talk to you again. You could just ignore those remarks and try to push past that stage if you do want to be with her. I think she is in the irrational stage right now and thus logic or truth means nothing.
KathyM Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 After a 4 month break up with my ex we ended up talking again two weeks ago. We talked about a lot of stuff and it seemed that maybe we could reconcile our differences. So in seeing that I decided to ask her out on a nice dinner in the city we even had a toast to a "fresh start." It was perfect and it finally seemed that maybe we could get on the same page. I've been on and off with this girl for 3 years and something seemed off with her a few days ago. I didn't say anything but then I heard from her friend she was having anxiety because of us. I ended up texting her about it and even asked her if she wanted to take it slow we could (I just didn't want her to be worried about us especially after having a nice dinner.) Well her response to that was that I was being crazy and I just want space to go hook up with other people which isn't true. I actually dated a girl briefly after our breakup but have had zero interest in anybody since. I tried to talk to her yesterday and she wasn't having it she wouldn't even pick up her phone she would just text. Today I texted her asking if we could talk but have received no reply. I'm really getting tired of telling my friends and family "Oh this time it's going to be different" when the first issue we have she runs away. Aren't people supposed to workout problems instead of just throwing them under the rug pretending as if nothing happened? Can somebody please give me advice. Three years is too much time to invest in a relationship that is "on again, off again". You are not compatible, for whatever reason. Time to move on.
norajane Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I'm really getting tired of telling my friends and family "Oh this time it's going to be different" when the first issue we have she runs away. Aren't people supposed to workout problems instead of just throwing them under the rug pretending as if nothing happened? Can somebody please give me advice. I agree with this in part: I think she is in the irrational stage right now and thus logic or truth means nothing. She definitely reacted strongly, which means she's got some unresolved feelings...you hit a sensitive spot by offering to take it slow. Her heightened emotional response to that comes from somewhere. Something set her off. Why did she take your offer to take it slow to mean that you wanted to hook up with other people? Why was that the first thing she thought of and reacted to? I suspect that however much you've talked about your unresolved differences so far, it hasn't been enough to calm her fears about opening up to you again. She's pushing you away right now...she's not as ready as you are to reconcile because she has lingering concerns. She's feeling insecure about your intentions, there's a reason for it, so you need to do more talking until you talk it through and she's more trusting of your intentions. Off and on for 3 years...I'm guessing you have a pretty good idea of what your relationship minefields are. Do some thinking. What's underneath her fear? What is she afraid of as it relates to your relationship, trust, and reconciling? In what way did you contribute to those insecurities and concerns? Then write her an email and tell her that you've been thinking about how much it upset her when you suggested taking it slow. Explain you had intended to make her feel comfortable by letting her set the pace, not that you wanted to step away. Tell her you believe it would be helpful to talk. Let her know you're ready to talk when she is. It's great that you had a fresh start dinner and want to reconcile. And I'm sure neither of you expected it to be easy or simple, right? Well, this is one of the hard and complicated parts. It takes work. And time. Be patient and help her through this rough spot.
flitzanu Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 having one dinner date and a conversation doesn't even mean you're back together, maybe she's not talking to you because you're acting crazy and obsessive and blowing up her phone with texts and calls?
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