name goeshere Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I met this woman the end of last year. It was long distance. At the time she was just at the end of high school about to go into college. I was a little older than her but we talked about it and it seemed to not bother her to much but she had reservations about how her family would react. We txted daily and got very close over the next 9-10 months. We talked about future plans and pretty much everything we wanted in life was mutual. I think the only real disagreement we has was when her phone broke and she had to get a new one I sent her a stupid email about her not contacting me for 5 days while I did not know her phone was broken. We sorta figured it out after a few minutes and we both apologized for both of us reacting in wrong ways and things went back to normal. We talked alot about seeing each other and I kept trying to get her to come see me and she kept trying to get me to go see her. (this plays in later during the breakup convo) Neither of us would give in. Me due to being worried what people would think about me going to see this girl years younger than me just turned 18 a few months before. She always said she did not have time or money and did not want me to pay her way. She worked 50hr a week during the summer to get money from college and had no help to pay for it. When college started she was taking 21 credits and joined a sorority. Things were going really good and about a week and a half ago she got really close like and said she never felt this way before, how much she needed me, ect. She told me how her dorm mate was going to be gone the weekend and wished I was there. Well I told her I wished I could but there was no way I could with a few days notice with my work and everything. She plans to go to medical school so it could be a long time before she graduates. Well we are all txting Saturday and being all "lovable". She asks me to send her another picture of "your wonderful face!" so I do. Later that afternoon I stop texting her for a bit since I was out with friends. I txt her a few times and she does not respond and I think nothing of it. Well for a few days she does not respond and I start to get worried. Finally on Wednesday I sent her a message saying we need to talk and she finally responds. Mind you This is a quite intense long distance relationship that we have not seen each other in person over a 9-10 month period. We call each other and she goes on to tell me how she can't keep doing this anymore. She is all crying and upset Then confesses something. Something about myself. I am not exactly asexual but close to that in a different way. I feel just as much sexual attraction and desire as any other man out there but I seem to have the part missing that says screw anything on two legs and female. lol To me the emotional connection is the most important part. Sex would be good and wanted and I would happily hop into spending a half a day at it but it is in no way required. I can go months or even years without and as long as there was an emotional connection I would be satisfied. For me spending 9-10 months without seeing her was not detrimental just annoying. She confessed that Saturday she went to study with and hang out with a guy from class and ended up having sex with him a few times. Then she found out he had a girlfriend and went and have sex with another guy she knew. She just went crazy all the sudden with her freedom in college and snapped. She was crying and saying how she couldn't do this anymore with me not there. How she could not do this to me. How she needed me there with her. How she hurt me and how I deserved someone better than her who wouldn't do something like that to me. She first tells me to loose her number and forget I ever met her. I tell her how could I possibly ever just forget her. She mentioned the name of the second guy and I can see on facebook that he set his status to in a relationship the day before and no response from her. In fact he made several comments about relationship stuff on his page that and the proceeding day and she did not even acknowledge them. The second guy seems to be the pester and annoy type and then gets aggressive and upset if it is not returned type so I think he will crash and burn it on his own. Somewhere through this convo she deletes me off facebook but doesnt block me. She tells me she needs a few days to figure out everything and asks that I don't contact her for a few days. So I have not contacted her since Wednesday two days ago. I think she did not mean to and she was in a very lonely mood the weekend without me and things got to far with the first guy without her meaning to. When she found out about his girlfriend she went and got with the second guy out of spite. She does have sorta low self esteem issues and always puts herself down though I have slowly been able to build that up so she is not nearly as bad. All of this is a wake up call to me about what I need is different than what she needs and I can't just assume she can deal with it like I can. I should have not forced her to wait so long. I think this all came up from her finally getting upset and lashing out over not seeing me after so long. Two reasons why she did not come to see me came up. The first reason is money since she has to pay for her own college and barely has a dime to spare. She told me she has a thing against taking "handouts" since she saw her parents do it and doesn't want to be the same way. Te second issue she finally came out and told me was she was afraid what her parents and family would think about going off to another state to see her "boyfriend" as she put it who was older than her. I did not tell her but I was also worried about what people would think of me going to see a younger woman. I just realized that does not matter but to late to do anything about it. lol I have not talked to any other women in any way serious the whole time since I met her. In the meantime since this all happened I have already started to arrange going out on a casual date with another woman here in the same town as me. I realized to need to not dwell over so much on her or I would drive myself insane and probably do something stupid to block any chance of reconciliation if it ever came up. I would want to be together with her but I realize the status quo could not continue. I know I would have to be willing to go see her and not dig in my feet on the issue like I did before. Maybe this is just a learning experience for future relationships on taking the time occasionally to see the others perspective. I am just not sure how I should proceed.
Author name goeshere Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Well 4 days of NC now and I feel really bad at times but I am trying to keep busy.
Renard99 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I'd be careful with that casual date you have going if I were you. You talk clearly about not wanting to destroy any chance of reconciliation with your ex so it's clear she is still at the forefront of your mind. This could hurt the 'date' that you now have if she were to find out.
Author name goeshere Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 I am trying to keep it to a line of not going to far so I would not hurt either no matter how it goes with either.
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