Ex contacted me. i need guidance

[allite]

Please help me

Sorry for wall of text

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3610941#post3610941

 

So that is the background to my story.

In the past two weeks I have begged and pleaded for a week then started LC with her while she always responded slowly and i respond instantly but i understand that because she is busy with homework plus school sport she always reply slowly but **** sucks when she does cause back then she use to reply really fast.

 

So basically 4 days ago i stopped contacting her until 2 nights ago where i went on her facebook and saw three videos that guy she studies with posted on her wall and she responded with three videos and i got frustrated and called her. We talked for a bit then i defriended her and went out. When i got home i called her around 11 cause i was just furious for no reason. Told her my feelings but she was about to sleep so she said we will talk tommorrow.

 

At 6 am, i called her again cuase i know she has freetime at this time preparing for school and we talked for 50 minutes about how much pain ive been through but also how much improvement i have done for myself. So basically 50 minutes of me blabbering about how i still care and love you and what you have done these couple days is really unfair but im more mad at myself for caring and opening my heart to you. She then says she still loves me and if we were in the same school or same age level we would still go out. But i say we will never be friends, i will block you and i wont contact you but if you ever are hurt or really sad and need someone you can give me a call.

 

Now the thing i need help with is, last night my mom came back from vacation from 3 months and my ex really liked my mom. So at 11, which is her bedtime, she sends me a text," hey i just wanna ask is your mom back yet." Now i was already asleep so i didnt see the text till this morning in which i just deleted the message. Now im at work and she sends another text around noon saying, "nevermind... have a good day."

 

Now i dont know if i want to continue ignoring her or should i respond. How should i approach this. i still love her and i dont want things to be sour between us.

i know you guys would say breakcrumb and stuff but if i dont respond ill just feel really bad and perhaps she will never text again or she would be mad.

maybe i should reply lightly?

 

HELP PLEASE

[Fobar]

Generic Response: Stop talking to her.

 

Despite how simple that is, I, like many, have been in the situation where you have to realize that it is indeed over. Holding onto the contact and hoping to stay as friends when you do nothing but argue is not a good sign. The healthiest thing for you both would be if you deleted her number from your contact list and kept yourself from making anymore calls. You're torturing yourself, and you're torturing her with your attitude. If in a month or so of no contact you both decide then to be friends that'll work, but you sound far too early into your breakup to stay in contact.

[allite]

Ugh this is so irritating. I just want to respond with yea she is came back fine. but then that shows everything is okay when nothing is okay.

She keeps telling everyone i respected the decision but i dont. She still dont understand how much pain ive been through but whatever. I wont text back until she calls and when she does ill tell her not to contact me again unless you want a chance between us.

[allite]

So in the end, i didnt respond to her message and she never asked again.

Today was day three of NC and the first weekend where i know she is out studying with that other guy all day then spending the next day at church with him. Sigh. I mean it bothers me but at the same time it doesnt. I still feel hurt. i feel cheated. i feel unloved but what can i do. I tried my best and i told her my feelings so whatever happens now is not my control. What is in control is what i let myself feel from the whole situation. I mean i would love for her to call and say Oh i miss you so much. Can we please work it out? But i know that wont happen. SIgh

 

I spent my day keeping pretty busy but i have the night off to myself. I woke up really sad once again. Cold and shivering and in heart pain thinking about her and holding her and her cute scent. Then passed back out after an hour of pain. Winding up just going out the rest of the day till 6PM and came back and ran and went to gym. Now i have almost 5 hours of free time and i dont feel like partying but also dont feel like staying home alone.

 

Ugh, times like these are when i text my ex, hey bubbz, how are you. I miss you and im thinking bout youu!!!.

 

lol, pathetic right. why do i care so much while she doesnt.

 

Thanks for listening Loveshack, ill stay strong

[allite]

Sigh, the weekends are horrid. Every weekendfor the past year and half was reserved for hers and i alwaysmade plans to take her out or shower her with love. We spend the night together and she would leave in the afternoon. I miss her so much but i still hate her so much. i mean. last time we spoke was thursday morning so its been 3 days NC. I blocked her facebook but i know her formspring and her study buddy formspring and they are always flirting with each other on that **** and **** i cant stop going back on it and google chrome isnt blocking it for me. ugh

 

i mean. i still run, i still work out. i go out and buy stuff for myself but every morning its the same thing. I wake up and instantly think about her and i cant fall back asleep. Its really a shame. Ive done nothing wrong and you did this to me and i still feel bad.

I thought i was doing good but man i gotta stop searching her up. **** my lifee

 

Anyone got any comments? =(

[PositiveNegative]

Hey Allite,

 

I know how it is buddy. I miss my ex a lot too. She has not sent me one breadcrumb since the final closure meeting. Weekends would usually just be us doing dumb stuff like watching tv or playing computer games. I forced myself to go out, since I usually don't, this weekend and actually ended up meeting some cool people that I probably would not have met before. Here's my advice, I'm no expert, in fact you and I are going through the same crap so I'm not sure how much it will mean to you. Deactivate Facebook. Immediately! This does not need to be permanent, just do it for now. It's not doing you any good knowing that you have that much access to what she is doing these days. You cannot know, it's for the best that you don't know. Keep up NC. I have seen my ex once since our closure meeting but that was unavoidable other than that I've kept up NC. Give yourself a month or so, then reevaluate how you feel about everything. The dust has settled so if you want to switch to LC you will be much smarter about it than you would so close to the break up. I know it hurts, I know that knowing that you did nothing wrong makes it much harder. I guess for us we have to believe that things happen for a reason. I am starting to see that light, that no matter what happens we will become stronger because of this and if you continue to be a good person and stay kind then you will end up happy in the long run. Best of luck friend. Life's throwing a curve ball, let's hit a home run.

[allite]

Hey positive, yea i already realized me and you are quite similar and would like to join you on this healing process.

 

Today was monday, day 5 of nc. I woke up around 5 am to write an essay because for the past couple days, i just couldnt get her out of my head to write the essay. Anyways i finished it and went to class and felt i did pretty good, as well as a chapter test in history. So by 3 i was done with my classes and had the rest of the day to myself.

 

I called up a friend and met up with him and chilled awhile till 6 and i went home then ran. Feels so nice to run. It makes me think about forrest gump and how he ran for a long time. I feel like i understand why now, back then i never understood but haha, a bit of a ephiphany (completely misspelled but dont feel like correcting) moment. THen preceeded to hit up the gym.

Now i got 4 hours and im just about to enjoy my free time and play some games. It feels like the weekdays i can surviveokay but the weekends and my mornings are still ****ty.

 

Stay strong Love Shack.

i still lurk all day =D

[allite]

september 24, 2011

 

Sigh, its been 9 days but whose counting. Lol, as always, the weekends are horrible.

My heart still hurts and i still have the empty feeling and it sucks. It doesnt end, it never ends. I go to sleep and wake up in pain. Why do i let her do this to me.

All week i was doing well. but weekends come and i know her and the other ****er who i will punch if i ever see him are hanging out all weekend like we use to.

OMG, i just want to cry sigh. but i wont. Be strong!!!

 

like sometimes i forget about her, forget she was once mine but i dont want to forget but remembering only hurts. So my friend invited me to a party but i hate drinking but i think i might just go out just because i am really depressed.

I saw a video of her today by accident and ugh, seeing her beautiful face and the way she talks, oh i miss you so much. I love you so much.

If i ever have a chance, not now, not in this year but in the future, i will never let you go again.sigh

 

I really dont know, its weird. theres just so much emotion going thorugh me and i dont know what to do. Ive always been pretty laid back but ive never been stressed or sad for more than a day or 2

this **** really still hurts but i will never contact, i wontdestroy what little pride and dignity i have left. I will be strong. Sorry for this ****tty post but this is my diary i guess

and im just randomly typing my feelings out without proof reading.

 

Saturday night, here comes sunday

[allite]

So, i did have fun last night in philly. Went partying with old friends and had a blast. Woke up feeling good but over the past 30 minutes, its been going downhill.

I dont want to become someone who in a year am still trying to get over this pain. Because she is doing fine, why cant i.

 

I hate not having some one there, i hate not having a special someone, i hate not having my perfect other and hwat i hate more is that person is someone elses and i cant do **** about it. **** why do i care, why should i care, i dont know

i know i shouldnt but i do. Today is sunday, home alone. most friends left to college and im stuck in hometown going to community college. =(

 

last night was so much fun tho, a lot of people commented on my smell or my style haha

made me feel really good. obviously theres the drinking haha, which i dont like but i had this nice buzz and high so i was extremely satisfied. and dancingg =D

 

you know what really helps, this forum. I was never the type of person to state my feelings or anything. i always kept to myself but letting go really feels nice.

Even tho no one replies to my thread hahaha. its okay. ill talk to myself

 

so today is day 10 of nc, ive been running almost everyday for 30 minutes then working out. I do see my 6 pack forming and adding some muscle and i love it. cant stop looking haha. Wish i was taller tho, 5'6 is way too short but i am asian, so i cant help it =(

no offense haha

 

im really glad my life and my ex life doesnt cross path. i dont know what i would do if i met her beautiful face again. id run probably cause if i dont, ill just crumble and fall.who would want that. well ill report back some other time. Thanks for listening guys. Stay strong LS and enjoy your week

[allite]

today was weird, today is september 26, monday and mondays are okay.

I have classes today, met friends and just the usual. I saw this really cute girl aha, tried to talk to her but my friend pulled me away last second. haha.

so right now as i was preparing to go to gym/run, i broke down.

 

i heard this song that me and her use to listen to and we were always all about this song and it tore me apart. in two seconds i can say my face was dripping.

i cried once so far during this break up cause i usually dont cry but jesus christ, that was the most overwhelming sadness ive ever felt. i just needed to like instantly come on here and let it all out. I just really missed have somene there. its not even about my ex now, its just the alone part. The not having someone understand me so well.

not even my parents know me. all my life, they dont know **** about me and my personal life and my school life and no one does. Only my ex did, cause i let her in. i let her into my heart cause i didnt think she would break it. but she did. THe one person who i loved and trusted broke my heart and said, "sorry, im done"

sigh. she doesnt even know that im hurting this hard but you know what its okay. i dont want her to know.

i am definitely seeing myself not opening up as much as before.

sigh, hopefully no more tears =D

stay strong LS, ill post to myself later =P

[allite]

This morning, i felt bitter again. The second i woke up, she popped upand i ached for like 30 minutes then felt way better. i know she is going to a dance with another guy but i dont give a **** cause she doesnt give a **** so why should i. so all in all, feeling better today.

Very tired so i dont feel like posting much but definitely healing.

I mean the pain in my heart, like it almost feel physical and it might be (love is too real) but i know it still hurts 24/7 but one day, i will heal.

[antz2411]

[allite]

haha, that song is made me chuckle. so yestarday i was doing really well and didnt feel the need to post but today, the weather. Its windy, cloudy, raining. It really takes a toll on my emotions. No classes today and no work. I need something to do. About to go out and buy a game lol cause im just that bored. I am missing you still, i just cant believe its over. it feels so weird. just too sudden. Im realizing tho that i need to put my identity back and i think ive been making progress. Im proud of myself but i wish i would put myself outthere more.

[allite]

So as you all know, today is the start of another weekend. I dread weekends now. I know i shouldnt but i do. I realized today that my problems arent as serious as other problems in the world or as serious as other break ups but for me it still feels as bad. Couldnt get her off my mind today, its friday. Today we would make plans usually for tommorrow lol. Phone all night but now? alone all night. I miss you so much. Sometimes i worry about finding someone like her but i guess i shouldnt worry about a relationship now. Its really hard adjusting to the single identity. A lot harder then i thought.

 

Basically, ive been healing. ive improved. i love myself a lot more. i realize it wasnt my fault but the pain? the pain is still always there. This empty feeling. i want to dig it out. Its the worst feeling and ever since september 1st, (day of break up), this pain has been here. sometimes worse then others but its here. its been a month since the break up and 15 days nc. im proud of myself for forcing myself to become better but the pain catches up. lol

 

Ex-gf i just want to say, i miss you. -wrote that with a single tear

Haha. no more tears tho aside from that first day and that one relapse which is good.ill report back tommorrow. Stay strong LS

[allite]

October 02, 2011. Wow

its already been a month, september. Where did you go? 15+ days NC, 1 month since break up. I miss her dearly still. But its been a long road. I realized what was wrong with our relationship and i know in the end we wouldve broke up some how. both me and her have to fix on our own problems before anything else happens. Well i do, i dont care bout her haha.

I do tho.She hasnt attempted to contact me but its cool, i rather her not. At leastnot until christmas time. Ive been in the best shape of my life, still the same old friends tho. Going to the same community college as your hometown, is so boring. I see the same damn people all day everyday and the same gloomy fallish weather that the east coast is experiencing all weekend. It really rains on my parade.

 

So yestarday, thank god i was out most of the day or else i think i woulve collapse into myself if i stayed home. Today i mostly played videogames. It may seem childish but i am only 18. what do you want me to do -.-

I cant wait to see what life brings me, what new love i meet or dont meet. Its okay. I just want to be happy. i want to wake up and smile again. I want my old happy self back. Its coming back but th pain still hurts. I remember the week before our break up i had some problems that were just figured out and i felt so stress free until like she dropped the bomb on me. I definitely feel as tho NC is the best and that righting out your goals for the day as well as keeping a simple diary is very helpful. I dont want to rely on this website for too long. I hope one day, i dont have the need to come back to this site and express my sadness like a weirdo.

 

BUt all in all, thanks for you all that has supported a total stranger. Stay strong LS

see you monday -D

[brokenheartedinaz]

I'm glad to hear its getting a little easier for you with less tears. My ex broke up with me aug 20th and I started blogging my feelings down too.Today is day 13 no contact and like you he hasn't tried to contact me either. Even though that feels horrible I honestly don't even know if I would be strong enough to not respond.i tell myself I would but deep down I doubt my own strength . Keep up the good work though.weekends are the worst for me too since I can't keep busy with work.

[allite]

Oh man, i guess im starting Low contact. Its been around 20 days of NC and today i broke down and called her. I talked to her for around 40 minutes, it was small talk. I can tell we arent getting back together but i just wanted to talk to her. It was nice catching up, i still miss her and i still love her. i know i shouldnt have contacted her but it was spur of the moment thing and nothing in a hundred worlds couldve stopped me from clicking call. I hate that i called her but i did and my heart hurts. but its not like it hurts more, its the same pain from before. Can i just say i love you one more time.

[PositiveNegative]

Well, you're human. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. I know how hearing her voice can be like a drug and I know you are coming down from your high now.

 

I still say stick to no contact. When you feel the need to talk to her call someone up! Anybody! A random dude who you haven't talked to in years! Anyone but her, this is actually a great time to start catching up with people from your life before her.

[allite]

back to day 1 of NC, ugh wtf is wrong with me. Like what did i expect

i miss her so much and i thought i was healing but i was wrong.

Ugh

i just hate it so much.

[PositiveNegative]

Yeah dude, know what you mean. I miss my ex so much too. She is alive and well and I have to pretend that she is dead.

 

What did you expect? Nothing, it is honestly just hard to pretend someone you love just doesn't exist. You want to be close to her again of course, we are both going through withdrawal.

 

Well allite. What did you two talk about?

[allite]

Yea i wish i can just forget. We talked about school, her SAT's and how she is very swamped with school work and how she and that other guy has nothing going on but its she knows he likes her but she is just enjoying the attention that he gives when im doign NC. she keeps saying we are in two different levels in life. Mind you im going to the same community college as my hometown and we live 15 minutes apart but if we do date, i doubt we could meet everr but i still miss her so much.

Thats the thing, i know i should forget abut her as that is the best thing, our relationship wouldnt work cause her parents found out about me towards the end and despise me. sigh

life is sometimes just so complicated.

I wish she didnt pull me in this much during our relationship and tell me how much she would never want to leave cause now its biting me in the ass and i wake up at 5 am to be heartbroken and again at 8 am. I just wake up in pain, i mean it gets better but ugh.

I know what i need righ tnow is just another girl to take my mind off her and also work on myself

 

Gym, i might go register for piano lessons

i always wanted to learn a instrument and piano interests me

school , i need a job again. My job project ended so no money for me now =(

and i need new friends. My close friends all left. I can honestly say i realized how lonely i became now. I have no one to hit up. Im not socially awkward but its staying at this community college that is really stunting me back. The people i meet here doesnt care about academics or such. Or most people here are in their 40's or 30's. I just want to start brand new somewhere but im still young

still 18 and still hurt. Its a shame being this hurt over soemthing sosmall. I cant even tell my friends im still in pain cause it seems like such a pathetic thing for a guy to be soo broken apart in front of a girl. i just tell them im doing better. And i am doing better, its just i wish i had someone here to cheer me up. I wish all my close friends were back or i need to make some new friends.

[allite]

so today starts the weekend.

Ugh i hate weekends. I can honestly say i do feel better. I cant wait for piano class. I really want to learn how to play a instrument. Tommorrow im going to be busy but i can tell on sunday i will have a relapse. Hopefully i keep myself busy so i dont go crazy.