novus69 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) I've posted my thread "the forest of red flags......" back in June. I wanted to give an update and share how I have managed with my NC and the break up overall. It has been helpful for me to read here how others cope and see that I'm not the only one going through certain phases. I have not seen my ex in 4 months, last contact was via e-mail 2 months ago (only in concern to bills). After reading my list of red flags, I realized that at the time I was still very angry and in shock. I wanted answers, re-plaid scenarios in my head over and over, tried to derive meaning out of the things he said and did while together....spending precious time on "him". Just reading that list again reminded me how ridiculous it all really was. It has gotten better, I am keeping busy with new things, and have accepted the fact that I could have done things differently, but I didn't, and I can't go back. What's done is done. We simply were not compatible, end of story. I admit, I still think too much about him, but at this point I believe it is my ego that is holding up my progress, I certainly do NOT want him back. My ego is still trying to get answers, still wants to hear from him that he needs me, that the relationship wasn't just one big lie, still want to know what he's up to, if he's with someone else already..... I have realized that my ego is still trying to control all this, and that I need to let go of wanting to have control. If I don't, I am basically still hostage to the relationship, allowing him to be in my life. Not good. Its not that I would want him back, since I know it would never ever work, that is the obvious. What I am still frustrated with is that I still spend too much time thinking about the relationship and that I am constantly reminded through places, items, habits, etc. But I have accepted the fact that this is not something that I can just rush through quickly and I refuse to suppress my feelings, even if it means they are painful. If I want to cry, I'll cry, I feel better afterwards. It's part of my healing. It has gotten better though, I feel stronger, and slowly begin to regain a sense of purpose but I am still a bit on a roller coaster. When I do feel down, I re-read the list. It quickly brings me back to reality! I am still baffled why I need to remind myself that this guy was not good for me. It takes time to get over it, change habits of acting and thinking. I know I will get there. It has also helped me to create a process of re-inventing myself. I am not going back to the same person I was. I am learning new things (went back to school to get my degree), I am moving to a new place in a couple months, I am ridding myself of useless things, trying out new things. I am "cleaning house" so to speak and it has been very helpful. Anyone going through a breakup or is in NC now, I can only say that it does get better. Accept the reality that it takes time and like many have said here, accept the fact that you may never get the answers you're seeking and let it go. Edited September 16, 2011 by novus69
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