jolbell Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hypothetically, let's say you are juggling 2-3 people. Once per week? Once per 2 weeks? Once per month?
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hypothetically, let's say you are juggling 2-3 people. Once per week? Once per 2 weeks? Once per month? Once or twice a week, if she's available. Basically, if I'm interested (or at least 'potentially interested') then I'll want to see her again soon regardless of whether I'm multi-dating or not.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Another question might be... how long would a multi-dater juggle multiple people?? If the guy is doing this past more than a few weeks or more than, oh, 3-4 dates, he is FZ'd or I stop returning his calls/emails. I can always tell. Personally, I think multi-dating is rude. I don't do it, but when I was doing OLD, I noticed the men did it alot. Yes, I know... alot of women do it too. I never did though. To me, it is the equivalent of stepping up to the checkout aisle at the grocery store and talking on the cell phone. The person who has made their time available to you is not getting your full attention. Seems so much simpler to just go on a few dates, decide if you like them. If not, you put them aside and then focus on the next person. The constant BBD and juggling is yet another reason I don't do OLD anymore.
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Another question might be... how long would a multi-dater juggle multiple people?? If the guy is doing this past more than a few weeks or more than, oh, 3-4 dates, he is FZ'd or I stop returning his calls/emails. I can always tell. Yes, good question. My "rule" is that it shouldn't go beyond 5 dates, although I don't think it's ever gone beyond 3 before there would only be 1 person.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Yes, good question. My "rule" is that it shouldn't go beyond 5 dates, although I don't think it's ever gone beyond 3 before there would only be 1 person. If you don't mind me asking... what was the deciding factor in choosing the one person. Or you being chosen?
9Lives Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Im multi dating at this time. I really doing it because Im not sure if they are serious about me. If we are serious then I would not date other guys but until we get to that point, I keep moving on. Its not that fun to me but Im trying to meet someone.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 ok, but if everyone is multi-dating, then doesn't some kind of paralysis set in at some point? For me, multi-dating ruins the whole experience of trying to get to know someone. I know other people do it... or feel they have to. It very much affects my opinion of a man in a negative direction if they are multi-dating. They come across as insecure (needing lots of attention) and indecisive. Why can't they just refuse to agree to meet the person until you've down selected the others? What is so tough about that? Sure, that could ultimately leave one with no 'options' at all... but I'd rather have that than the negative feelings and bogus stories that people have to inevitably come up with to conceal their multi-dating. At the end of the day, I'd like to come out of this 'dating' process as a whole and happy person... not wounded by lots of multi-dating BS.
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 If you don't mind me asking... what was the deciding factor in choosing the one person. Or you being chosen? The one I like the most who also likes me enough to want another date!
Author jolbell Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 I'm sure some people have strong feelings regarding multi-dating. I appreciate your honesty and opinions. However, that wasn't the question. I'm the one that is multi-dating. Perhaps my dates are, too. As long as I am honest, I don't see a problem. After all, I just met them so there is no need to be all serious atm. I'm wondering how frequent dates are expected.
laotzu Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Another question might be... how long would a multi-dater juggle multiple people?? If the guy is doing this past more than a few weeks or more than, oh, 3-4 dates, he is FZ'd or I stop returning his calls/emails. I can always tell. Personally, I think multi-dating is rude. I don't do it, but when I was doing OLD, I noticed the men did it alot. Yes, I know... alot of women do it too. I never did though. To me, it is the equivalent of stepping up to the checkout aisle at the grocery store and talking on the cell phone. The person who has made their time available to you is not getting your full attention. Seems so much simpler to just go on a few dates, decide if you like them. If not, you put them aside and then focus on the next person. The constant BBD and juggling is yet another reason I don't do OLD anymore. I pretty much agree with this, and it's the same reason I also don't do OLD. Another thing that always bugged me, too: don't people who are juggling multiple dates have anything better to do with their time? I got caught in a couple of circumstances where I had dates with two people in one week, and I really hated it, because it cut into my other interests. I will say that a girl gained a lot of respect from me when she just told me that she was seeing multiple people at once, and also indicated that she really disliked it. To respond to the OP: I'd argue that if you're only seeing someone once a week or twice a month, you're probably not too interested in them - or they in you. If I had to juggle and I liked someone, I'd try to see them at least twice a week if possible, or at least talk to them throughout the course of the week.
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I'm the one that is multi-dating. Perhaps my dates are, too. As long as I am honest, I don't see a problem. After all, I just met them so there is no need to be all serious atm. I'm wondering how frequent dates are expected. I think everyone is different, so I'm not sure that there's a single answer. If I was interested in a girl and she was only 'available' for our next date 2 weeks from now then I would question how interested she really was (unless she also said that she was going on holiday, for example), but people do have social lives other than dating so I don't expect someone to be available every single day.
FrustratedStandards Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I just wait for the guy to ask me out again. So whenever they wanna take me out, that's when I go. If i'm too busy with the other ones, I re-arrange. I dont really count, it just depends how often they make plans. I leave it to the guy.
Casablanca Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 The one I like the most who also likes me enough to want another date! This is me, though I've only multidated once....though the one who liked me enough for past a third date was the one I liked....it was funny there were two women....A and B....starting out I liked A a lot more than B, but on our second date, B ended up breaking out of her shyness and I really liked her a lot more....I wanted to give A one more date, but she never responded any way
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I'm sure some people have strong feelings regarding multi-dating. I appreciate your honesty and opinions. However, that wasn't the question. I'm the one that is multi-dating. Perhaps my dates are, too. As long as I am honest, I don't see a problem. After all, I just met them so there is no need to be all serious atm. I'm wondering how frequent dates are expected. Pardon me for reading between the lines... but it sounds like what you are asking is how to keep as many balls up in the air as possible. By asking how frequent dates are expected, you seem to be asking how you can keep them all 'happy' until you decide. This is why I posted my opinions about multi-dating. When men do that to me... string me along and feed me bread crumbs... throwing just enough dates out there to keep some semblance of a connection long enough so that they can delay making a choice... well, that would be rude behavior in my book. Why do you care how frequent dates are expected? Can't you get that information from the guys you are seeing? I have to believe they have given you some indication of how often they'd like to see you.
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