destructive Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 hi, im bernadette, i have never done this before but i need help and i dont know where to start. i have been married twice, two children from each marraige, first one ended in divorce after two years, the second in suicide after eight years. my grandfather who raised me lived with us for seven years and six months after my husband died he died of cancer in my home. i met a man online nine months after my husband died and he is loving, caring, kind, and loves my children. i cant stop fighting with him, i know im pushing him away and i dont know why. i dont know if im scared he will leave, i just cant leave the future to the future. i dont know if i grieved for the two lost. sometimes i dont know if i have a heart. i love this man, he is good to us and it is a relationship worth saving, for both myself and my children. does anyone have any advice? thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
TBH Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) hi, im bernadette, i have never done this before but i need help and i dont know where to start. i have been married twice, two children from each marraige, first one ended in divorce after two years, the second in suicide after eight years. my grandfather who raised me lived with us for seven years and six months after my husband died he died of cancer in my home. i met a man online nine months after my husband died and he is loving, caring, kind, and loves my children. i cant stop fighting with him, i know im pushing him away and i dont know why. i dont know if im scared he will leave, i just cant leave the future to the future. i dont know if i grieved for the two lost. sometimes i dont know if i have a heart. i love this man, he is good to us and it is a relationship worth saving, for both myself and my children. does anyone have any advice? thank you. massive cliche but you need to work through your past issues in therapy. not all therapy is just endlessly talking, there is one called EMDR which is a recognised scientific therapy which is used to help people with PTSD among many other problems. I would really recommend you seek out some kind of help. dealing with the suicide of your partner must surely be a horrendous experience and its no wonder that you are now finding your relationship difficult to handle. some experiences are so difficult to deal with that we need help. theres no shame in going to therapy and it can make such a difference. its got to be worth a go. Pushing a loved one away after loosing someone is a completely understandable reaction. subconciously you are afraid of loosing him and going through all that hurt and pain again, so you put up walls to defend your feelings and create a situation where he may leave. its counter productive but one of the ways our minds deal with pain when its too intense to actualy work through on our own. If you havent already tell your partner about your past and that you feel awful treating him the way you do and how you are looking to change. I'm sure he will understand, just make it clear that you know there is a problem. the worst thing you can do is not talk. Edited September 16, 2011 by TBH Link to post Share on other sites
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