2penguins Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hello All, I have recently just said good bye to my boyfriend (been together almost 3 years). In a nutshell, We both go to different universities about 1300 miles apart. We did our freshman year of college in a long distance relationship and are planning on doing it again. We won't be seeing each other for 2 months. Although I have been through the distance before, some reason the sadness hit me harder this time. I can't get him out of my mind, I keep reminiscing on our memories, I can't focus in class, when I am alone I feel very depressed, I have trouble sleeping, and cry easily. I understand that its hard the first few days after not being able to see him for a while but I just can't stand being this depressed after 5 days in a row now. I know I can be happy but I can't seem to get that way. I will start going to counceling and recently spoke with my doctor who perscribed me anti depression/anxiety medicine (low dose of 10 mg). I am on the fence about taking them and that is why I am asking those of you out there, what you think? Is depression meds necessary in this case? What are some ways I can deal with the sadness and enjoy my independence until I see him again. Any advice is great. I would not like to live my life taking drugs to make me happy, but i need help. What do you like to do? The first few weeks after you say goodbye? Any comments, discussions, anything would be very greatful to me and my happiness. Thanks for tuning in!
downriver Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Hello =] I am in the same exact situation with my girlfriend. We both go to separate schools, but we're only 8 hours away. However, you must know that your boyfriend cares about you. You two already went through the distance once before, so you should know what to expect. I know it's hard, because I'm dealing with the sadness myself. In fact, my girlfriend left a couple hours ago and I couldn't help but feel very lonely and sad. What worked for me was going on this site to look for support. I've also seeked support from friends and family. Go treat yourself with something fun to do. Enjoy yourself. You and your boyfriend both agreed to stay together, so I'm sure you two care about each other enough to pull through like the previous year. Be supportive of each other's goals, and do your best to keep in touch with each other. Keep your head up girl =]
Author 2penguins Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 You are so right! Thanks for your advice.
linkinghabit Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Go on with your life, you can hang out with friends and have some casual talks with your family, do not isolate yourself coz' you'll end up thinking too much...don't count the days because for me it is more painful...just live as if he's just near you...if you think you can't bear it and taking meds is necessary, i think nothing's wrong as long as prescribed by your doctor....cheer up, and live life!
wildgeese Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I try to give myself a certain amount of days to really feel sad. Usually about a week, but most of the time I am lucky and start to feel better at around five days. After a certain point, you have to start lifting yourself out of it. You have to remind yourself that you are still with the person you love - you're still together and you still love each other. That hasn't changed, just the circumstances and distance have. It would be so much worse if you didn't have that person. It's hard to keep stopping and starting, it's a huge drain, but we all keep doing it because we know it will pay off in the end. Every single person is different and if you are the point where you are feeling so low that you think you may need medication, then your LDR is probably not the only thing bringing you down and you may need to explore those options. That's fine and it's commendable that you're taking action to feel better! I was just able to drag myself out of my recent funk from missing my boyfriend, and honestly what helped me was hanging out with friends (even if I felt like my mind was somewhere else the first few times) because just being with people was comforting, keeping myself really busy with work and school and hobbies, and talking to my boyfriend. I was having a complete meltdown the other night and was crying to him on the phone in the beginning, but then our call turned into us laughing and bonding. That helped a lot, because it made me see that I could still laugh and be happy with him, even if I'm not actually with him. It makes day-to-day life so much easier and enjoyable! So my advice: allow yourself some time to wallow then be active on bringing yourself out of it, involve your SO in how you feel, keep yourself busy, keep people you enjoy around you even if you're not feeling particularly social, and remain positive. I'll be right back to the depression cycle in about a month (after our next goodbye), and then I'll probably come back to this very post, haha. You got this!
lesoiseaux Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I don't really have any advice other than what wildgeese said (all of which is GREAT advice -- I'm gonna have to follow it myself), but let me just tell you, I understand! I'm new to this long distance thing, but I'm already getting an idea of the cyclical nature of emotions that go along with it. I'm sad when we have to part, and then feel surprisingly okay, until about a week later when I feel exceptionally sad. At least that's what the past couple months have shown me. After a little bit of a breakdown last week I took action to see a counselor and go out and make new friends, and that definitely really helps, but I've noticed it's worse when I am by myself (studying, staying in for a night, etc.). It also gets worse when my boyfriend goes out with his friends...I'm not sure why, I guess I just feel like I'm missing out. Plus time differences don't help (me and my SO are 2000 miles apart) because it makes me even more aware of the distance. Sorry, I'm just rambling, but I guess my point is do try to go out and have fun, but whenever you do feel a little down, take solace in the fact that you are not the only one. And BE GLAD you are with your boyfriend, no matter the distance! That's what I'm telling myself at least
Author 2penguins Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Thanks so much all your advice has been true and helpful. Its been about a week and I am feeling much better. Time sure heals and also having friends, homework, and a loving SO who helps you through it! Thanks for the advice i will return to it whenever I am down.
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