M2155 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) Ok, so I'm around 2 months post-breakup and several weeks NC. I'm just starting to feel like the worst is over and be optimistic about my future. I have been following these quotes on Twitter about how "when one door closes...", "when God says 'no'...", "God sends red flags before he sends stop signs," "when you are so focused and happy about your own life...", "if you stop chasing...," "let go of something good to get something great," etc... I'm starting to believe it! I've had a busy week and haven't felt sad or thought tons about him:bunny: (lonely weekend is always a threat though). I recently learned a guy I had a mutual crush on a few months ago left his wife. The attraction was sparked over a few exchanges but he respectfully never acted on it of course (I don't know anything about his situation). Now he wants to "become friends." I'm not opposed to being friends because I was actually open to the idea when he was married although it wasn't likely we would have gotten to know each other as friends beyond facebook and small talk (and we didn't). But I do not for a minute want to give him the impression I am interested. I know what wanting to "become friends" means. He was married and something has happened over time for them to split so he probably hasn't been happy for some time. So it will probably be exciting for him to chase me (not to sound arrogant that he will, I could be wrong) when we know he is in no shape to "move on" or prepare for his post-marriage. I really like this guy but I would prefer he focus on fixing his family even though he says it's over. Old me would be excited about this, especially since I do not have any prospects on the horizon. I'd like to be friends but getting too "friendly" with someone barely out of a relationship may be a bad idea as a rebound relationship (again!) is out of the question. What would you tell him? Edited September 16, 2011 by M2155
wilsonx Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 You girls over think everything... Why not play it by ear... Why not become friends... I reconnected with a cool female friend after my breakup... she thought the same stuff you did if I asked her if she wanted to hang out. She went cold on me, so I left it alone. NCed for 3 1/2 weeks now her and I are just friends, I have personal boundaries laid out, she KNOWS she is not the type of person I want to date/hookup/be in a relationship with and we just go out and have fun
Author M2155 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Why not play it by ear... Why not become friends... Thanks, and I would like to do as you suggest. I guess just in the past, whenever I go into something with platonic intentions, the guy has always been more interested and this dude (who I know likes me) is not divorced yet. I have always been over-guarded/distant when I am suspect of the other person's intentions (maybe like your friend) and when I have to be that way, I do not have as good of a time. You girls over think everything... No argument there!!
wilsonx Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) Ok so you have a personal boundary. Honestly communicate with him. You are still married, we can not be anything more then friends. If he pushes this, remind him of your personal boundary with the communication above. If he pushes again, enforce the consequence of this personal boundary, which is you terminating the friendship and stick to it. You do not have to tell him the consequences of violating your personal boundary. You should actually keep that to yourself so he cant manipulate it. But it is your job to enforce it. This is how you protect yourself Edited September 16, 2011 by wilsonx
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