TurningTables Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hi everybody. Here is my original story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284110/ Here is details of Dday: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289520/ Well..I finally talked to xMM.I broke down and said we need to put this behind us, so we both can move on. He moved out of his house about a month ago. Turns out he told his W the truth about his feelings for me and also told her that he wanted out a long, long time ago.The M was on its way to demise way before I entered the picture as his best friend. We decided not to talk and keep to NC. He has tons of stuff he needs to work out and so do I. I am grateful he didnt throw me under the bus and blame everything on me like I thought. Some part of me thought he wouldnt do that, but with everything that was going on, I couldnt see straight. I am now dealing with other problems, such as my STBX wanting to try again with our M and my busy-body sister threatening to kick xMM's butt because of what happen and getting in the middle of everything. She even called the resturant that my niece and I went to the other night to see if xMM was there with us. (yeah..she has some serious problems! lol ) Anywho, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Ive gotten such clarity in NC. I dont need him anymore, but still mourn the loss of my best friend. I loved him as a friend, but I wasent in love with him. I loved the feelings that he made me feel and got easily addicted and out of control. I wanted to throw this thread/post out there to all that are hurting. You will get stronger and start to move on. Things are not always what they seem. PS> Im not going anywhere. Im still gonna post. I just hope I can help someone else, like everyone here helped me. So Thank you!
wannabdone Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hi everybody. Here is my original story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284110/ Here is details of Dday: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289520/ Well..I finally talked to xMM.I broke down and said we need to put this behind us, so we both can move on. He moved out of his house about a month ago. Turns out he told his W the truth about his feelings for me and also told her that he wanted out a long, long time ago.The M was on its way to demise way before I entered the picture as his best friend. We decided not to talk and keep to NC. He has tons of stuff he needs to work out and so do I. I am grateful he didnt throw me under the bus and blame everything on me like I thought. Some part of me thought he wouldnt do that, but with everything that was going on, I couldnt see straight. I am now dealing with other problems, such as my STBX wanting to try again with our M and my busy-body sister threatening to kick xMM's butt because of what happen and getting in the middle of everything. She even called the resturant that my niece and I went to the other night to see if xMM was there with us. (yeah..she has some serious problems! lol ) Anywho, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Ive gotten such clarity in NC. I dont need him anymore, but still mourn the loss of my best friend. I loved him as a friend, but I wasent in love with him. I loved the feelings that he made me feel and got easily addicted and out of control. I wanted to throw this thread/post out there to all that are hurting. You will get stronger and start to move on. Things are not always what they seem. PS> Im not going anywhere. Im still gonna post. I just hope I can help someone else, like everyone here helped me. So Thank you! TT!!!! Thats great!! So you feel like you got clairty, and closure and peace from the talk. almost like you can close that chapter and start the new one. AWESOME!!! So, what did you tell your H?? How do you feel about that. Not trying to be nosey parker sister, just concerned. And yes, keep posting. It has helped me feeling like I can help others. I feel like if I can stop one other woman from becoming the OW...then maybe there was a purpose to this maddness. ((((hugs, sister!!!)))))) SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!!! :bunny:These bunnys are dancing an Irish Jig for you!!!!
NoIDidn't Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Good for you, TT! NC is always for clarity, never for punishment.
MissBee Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hi everybody. Here is my original story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284110/ Here is details of Dday: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289520/ Well..I finally talked to xMM.I broke down and said we need to put this behind us, so we both can move on. He moved out of his house about a month ago. Turns out he told his W the truth about his feelings for me and also told her that he wanted out a long, long time ago.The M was on its way to demise way before I entered the picture as his best friend. We decided not to talk and keep to NC. He has tons of stuff he needs to work out and so do I. I am grateful he didnt throw me under the bus and blame everything on me like I thought. Some part of me thought he wouldnt do that, but with everything that was going on, I couldnt see straight. I am now dealing with other problems, such as my STBX wanting to try again with our M and my busy-body sister threatening to kick xMM's butt because of what happen and getting in the middle of everything. She even called the resturant that my niece and I went to the other night to see if xMM was there with us. (yeah..she has some serious problems! lol ) Anywho, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Ive gotten such clarity in NC. I dont need him anymore, but still mourn the loss of my best friend. I loved him as a friend, but I wasent in love with him. I loved the feelings that he made me feel and got easily addicted and out of control. I wanted to throw this thread/post out there to all that are hurting. You will get stronger and start to move on. Things are not always what they seem. PS> Im not going anywhere. Im still gonna post. I just hope I can help someone else, like everyone here helped me. So Thank you! I'm really happy for you!
Author TurningTables Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 TT!!!! Thats great!! So you feel like you got clairty, and closure and peace from the talk. almost like you can close that chapter and start the new one. AWESOME!!! So, what did you tell your H?? How do you feel about that. Not trying to be nosey parker sister, just concerned. And yes, keep posting. It has helped me feeling like I can help others. I feel like if I can stop one other woman from becoming the OW...then maybe there was a purpose to this maddness. ((((hugs, sister!!!)))))) SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!!! :bunny:These bunnys are dancing an Irish Jig for you!!!! Hiya WBD. I told my H the truth. I am not sure why he suddenly wants to try again. Maybe the "finality" of it all has hit home. I am not sure where my life is going at this moment. Im at a cross roads. However, I will figure it out. Time gives everything clarity. Everything starts to make sense when you step outside yourself. OH and Thanks to everyone who posted. It means alot.
fooled once Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Okay, help me here. You got in contact with him to say you needed to clear the air and you both decided to not break NC (which was already broken) and ..... you guys decided to not talk and yet you know all this stuff he allegedly told his wife? Help me TT.... I am so confused!
Author TurningTables Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Okay, help me here. You got in contact with him to say you needed to clear the air and you both decided to not break NC (which was already broken) and ..... you guys decided to not talk and yet you know all this stuff he allegedly told his wife? Help me TT.... I am so confused! Hiya FO! OK: So he broke NC. I broke down and said that I didnt want anything to do with him, nothing has changed, why would I want to talk to someone who threw me under the bus..etc. He sent me something back with what has been going on in his life, his M. I told him that our friendship was still over and I wanted NC. I dont *know* for sure if he is telling the truth. I only have the version he gave me and the verison that someone else gave me that I know now was lying about alot of things. It was really a complicated mess. I just want to close that door and move on. I want him to know that I am finished and Im not going back. I never want to be in that position/situation again.
wannabdone Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Okay, help me here. You got in contact with him to say you needed to clear the air and you both decided to not break NC (which was already broken) and ..... you guys decided to not talk and yet you know all this stuff he allegedly told his wife? Help me TT.... I am so confused! So, I have a question.... and I really mean this, no sarcasm, this is a honest to goodness question.... If you feel like that is it necessary for you to tell the x that it is over and that there are no feelings, and lay the law down....is that bad? The reason why I ask is that, my therapist hasn't told me to NOT do something or to DO something, with the exception of NOT getting back in this relationship. She just tells me that as long as it is a valid reason for MY healing and it is not for me to do what I've always done and responded or reached out to him to help him, that it is okay. That as long as it helps me with my healing process, to do what I need to do for ME. Do you agree? Or not? And if so, on either... tell me why. Because I really value your opinion. Seriously again, in that non creepy internet way.
Author TurningTables Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 So, I have a question.... and I really mean this, no sarcasm, this is a honest to goodness question.... If you feel like that is it necessary for you to tell the x that it is over and that there are no feelings, and lay the law down....is that bad? The reason why I ask is that, my therapist hasn't told me to NOT do something or to DO something, with the exception of NOT getting back in this relationship. She just tells me that as long as it is a valid reason for MY healing and it is not for me to do what I've always done and responded or reached out to him to help him, that it is okay. That as long as it helps me with my healing process, to do what I need to do for ME. Do you agree? Or not? And if so, on either... tell me why. Because I really value your opinion. Seriously again, in that non creepy internet way. Hi WBD. Do you mind if I put my 2cents worth in? I really think that for NC to work you really have to be done with the A. Everyone is different, and some need time to think, some need closure and others, well, they can just keep on trucking with life without looking back. lol That is why you see so many A's going to NC and then either partner coming back and resuming. Then its to NC again..and the cycle repeats itself. For the A to be totally done, something in you has to be completely done. This stops you from going back. Whatever that "thing" is that stops you, will keep you moving forward. If you arent at that point, most of the time NC dosent work. But like Miss Bee said, each time it happens, you get closer to that point where you learn something about yourself or you AP. It gets you closer to that "thing" you need to be done. And sometimes, well, it takes months or even years to get to that point. Am I making any sense? If you are the type of person that needs closure, do it. Tell him to stop. Something in you has to rise up and be done with this whole thing. Once you get to that point, he can email, call, text and ride by your house all he wants, it wont make a bit of difference. It will still hurt, but that "thing" will help that hurt lessen. My heart goes out to you every time I read one of your post. I cannot imagine letting someone keep me on a string for that many years. You are wonderful and you are special. There is a great guy just waiting for you out there. Wait..Can you hear him? He is just describing you to his friend...waiting for you to come into his life. After that, dont ever look back.
wannabdone Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Hi WBD. Do you mind if I put my 2cents worth in? I really think that for NC to work you really have to be done with the A. Everyone is different, and some need time to think, some need closure and others, well, they can just keep on trucking with life without looking back. lol That is why you see so many A's going to NC and then either partner coming back and resuming. Then its to NC again..and the cycle repeats itself. For the A to be totally done, something in you has to be completely done. This stops you from going back. Whatever that "thing" is that stops you, will keep you moving forward. If you arent at that point, most of the time NC dosent work. But like Miss Bee said, each time it happens, you get closer to that point where you learn something about yourself or you AP. It gets you closer to that "thing" you need to be done. And sometimes, well, it takes months or even years to get to that point. Am I making any sense? If you are the type of person that needs closure, do it. Tell him to stop. Something in you has to rise up and be done with this whole thing. Once you get to that point, he can email, call, text and ride by your house all he wants, it wont make a bit of difference. It will still hurt, but that "thing" will help that hurt lessen. My heart goes out to you every time I read one of your post. I cannot imagine letting someone keep me on a string for that many years. You are wonderful and you are special. There is a great guy just waiting for you out there. Wait..Can you hear him? He is just describing you to his friend...waiting for you to come into his life. After that, dont ever look back. TT.... you can ALWAYS give your 2c. I appreciate it. I totally understand what you are saying. I think a lot of time people get so b/w in what has to be done, that they miss what might be right for that individual and that situation. I asked because last week I finally responded to his message that he had sent a week earlier, that told him the truth. i loved him for being in my life so long, but I was no longer in love with him, and I was no longer willing to keep this up and I wished him all the best. And I do. No matter how much I have loved this man, and my God have I loved this man, I will not do this anymore. I don't want it, I can't and that is it. I have told him for years, my wick is very long....I take a lot of abuse, way more than I should...but when I am done, I am done. And when I set my mind to something, I don't get off that path. Call it the stubborn Irish, I don't know.....but thats the way I am. That doesn't mean I love him less, just means I love me more. When I told him no more two months ago...I meant it....no more. Thank you again, sweet girl for you lovely comments. I am so very proud of you, and I can't wait till I am at the point you are at.
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