browndog319 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Seriously - you have a cell phone - you can call or text at any time. You're friends on FB. WTF? Why do you go radio silent when all signals you've given imply you want a relationship. You've had the "i'm not seeing other people and I hope you're not" conversation. You've asked her to go to your buddies wedding. But then you do the old disappearing act for a week. What IS THAT???? Are you expecting us to call you to bring things back on track or do you just need some space and then you'll resume normal BF duties. Has nothing to do with us, it is just you doing your dude stuff. How do we ladies deal with this? Seriously because it is really hard and we are NOT wired this way, BTW. Please help, boys! c
AHardDaysNight Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 It's part of the "game" process. You're not supposed to call for three days after the date. But I'd say that anybody who plays games is not mature enough for a relationship. Move on!
Author browndog319 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Okay, but what if it's longer than that? Is that beyond player?
Ginger Beer Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Sometimes I think there are too many 'rules' that go with dating. It's like you need a manual to do it properly. Why can't people just go with the flow? And I agree with AHDN, people who play games usually aren't mature.
Cracker Jack Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Sounds like he's playing games, or he's not really worried about maintaining consistent contact with you because it's not important enough to him. Hard to tell. Did you ever consider texting or calling him?
laotzu Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Seriously - you have a cell phone - you can call or text at any time. You're friends on FB. WTF? Why do you go radio silent when all signals you've given imply you want a relationship. You've had the "i'm not seeing other people and I hope you're not" conversation. You've asked her to go to your buddies wedding. But then you do the old disappearing act for a week. What IS THAT???? Are you expecting us to call you to bring things back on track or do you just need some space and then you'll resume normal BF duties. Has nothing to do with us, it is just you doing your dude stuff. How do we ladies deal with this? Seriously because it is really hard and we are NOT wired this way, BTW. Please help, boys! c It could be a couple of different things - it's not necessarily one thing or the other. It's not "good" in any sense, but definitely still salvageable. 1. After having all those discussions and getting his answer, he got bored (this is part of the male psychology that says, "once I know I can have it, I'm not interested any more"). It's why girls play games. 2. Perhaps he had done all the initiating of communication and meeting previously, and wanted to see you express interest. I've done this with girls before. If I'm always the one to call, to setup dates, to text just to flirt, at some point I'm going to want the girl to initiate. Why? Well, it's nice to know someone is interested in you, right? If they don't call or text after a couple of days, either I will because I'm really interested, or I'll let the whole thing die out because the girl couldn't one time text or call first. The answer is: you should text or call him. I'd text him soon, and see what he says. Just something like, "what are you up to?" or "want to meet up soon?" It's fun being pursued, and we like it too. So if you're interested in him, show it.
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 But then you do the old disappearing act for a week. What IS THAT???? Have you called him, or does he have to be the one to initiate contact?
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I hear women complaining about this constantly, but I've never had it happen in my experience. I don't understand why anyone would put up with a partner who goes MIA for days (up to a week??) at a time... OP, a day or two I guess is normal, but a whole week? If I didn't hear for my boyfriend for a week (unfathomable, since we speak daily), I would worry something had happened to him. If you've ruled this out, I'd take it as he's no longer interested and move on. Have you tried to contact him?
blueskyday Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 In my experience, a guy who does this isn't too interested in keeping connected to you. If he wants space, then back WAY up, so far....as in see ya later! If he wants you to contact him more, then he really should have dropped a few hints before going silent on you. Most guys at least say, "I'd love for you to call me tonight." If it were me, then I would call or text the guy to see if he responded fairly promptly (like the same day.) Are you sleeping with him? Then one week no contact is a big no-no in my book. He should be calling every day if you are giving him your body, unless it's a sex only thing you two have agreed to. Most guys I date even casually call me every day. They get afraid I might get interested in someone else, or at least the out of sight of mind thing might happen. Bottom line: a guy who is interested will keep up contact, but after a while you need to be calling him as well to keep things balanced.
OriginalPenguin Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Be assured it's not just a "dude" thing. It's a personality thing; for me, if I am into somebody I could not care less about any silly three day rule or purposely ignoring somebody to build up fake mystique and tension. If I want to call you I will call, simple as that. If that comes off as needy or desperate or whatever then too bad, we are not right for each other. If it bothers you and the guys you are after are acting this way then maybe it's better to just move on? Either way it is far from a gender thing, and good luck.
betterdeal Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Sorry! I was out of credit then the dog ate my phone. I'll call tomorrow. Promise!
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Bottom line: a guy who is interested will keep up contact, but after a while you need to be calling him as well to keep things balanced. So will a girl, at least in my experience.
AlexDP Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 In my experience, a guy who does this isn't too interested in keeping connected to you. If he wants space, then back WAY up, so far....as in see ya later! If he wants you to contact him more, then he really should have dropped a few hints before going silent on you. Most guys at least say, "I'd love for you to call me tonight." If it were me, then I would call or text the guy to see if he responded fairly promptly (like the same day.) Are you sleeping with him? Then one week no contact is a big no-no in my book. He should be calling every day if you are giving him your body, unless it's a sex only thing you two have agreed to. Most guys I date even casually call me every day. They get afraid I might get interested in someone else, or at least the out of sight of mind thing might happen. Bottom line: a guy who is interested will keep up contact, but after a while you need to be calling him as well to keep things balanced. I agree that one week of no contact is a bit much. But in my current relationship I'm with a girl I truly admire and I love every minute we are together. However last week we were with each other for three days and nights non stop. This was great, don't get me wrong, but I needed some alone time after that. I also don't like the feeling of being addicted to a person. It's why sometimes I don't return texts for a while or let her know that I'm busy, even when I'm not all that busy. Things I will never do however: - Ignore her - Not come over when she says she needs me to talk about something - Be impolite to her I think that if a guy does one of those three things, he's just not a good guy. Works the other way too by the way. Also, when someone literally says he or she needs space, that is not a good thing. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I can love my girlfriend and still not want to talk to her for just a short amount of time, simply because I like to be myself and work on myself.
blueskyday Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Ha! Good excuses! The BEST guys I have ever dated are the ones who call me right away after the date and say "Screw the rules. I don't care about that stuff. Do you? I want to talk with you, and I hope you don't mind me calling everytime I want to hear your voice. Please call me anytime, too...I'm crazy about you." Fun times ahead.
betterdeal Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Are you expecting us to call you to bring things back on track or do you just need some space and then you'll resume normal BF duties. Has nothing to do with us, it is just you doing your dude stuff. What number am I thinking of? You might as well try and figure that out as try and figure out why someone hasn't called you.
counterman Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Recently, I called a girl the night after our first date... she didn't get back to me until almost after a week. But I figured if a girl was really interested, she wouldn't care when I called. I would suggest just initiating contact yourself and ask him what's going on. We can guess all day until the cows come home but if you really want to know, just call him.
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Guys like to know interest is mutual. Call him first for a change.
HeartOnSleeve Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Call him and if it's weird then maybe he's not the right guy for you. But if you have had the commitment chats etc. there is no reason you shouldn't just be able to call or text and see how he's doing. Maybe he's having a really horrible week and might be looking forward to hearing from you. Good luck!
Author browndog319 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Thanks for the honest answers. These are all good ones. Lots of good points to think about. Yeah, we've been together for about 2 months, great sex, etc. He did forewarn me that he goes silent and it doesn't mean anything. It's just how he's wired. But this seems excessive. I have previously called him but this time I'm pretty much done. I shouldn't always have to do all the heavy lifting. Ugh. What a douchebag for not even having the conversation.
phineas Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Thanks for the honest answers. These are all good ones. Lots of good points to think about. Yeah, we've been together for about 2 months, great sex, etc. He did forewarn me that he goes silent and it doesn't mean anything. It's just how he's wired. But this seems excessive. I have previously called him but this time I'm pretty much done. I shouldn't always have to do all the heavy lifting. Ugh. What a douchebag for not even having the conversation. Well, if you refuse to call him & insist on him calling you how exactly are you doing the heavy lifting? It seems to me you are insistent on making him do all the work. Now if you don't want to do all the work what makes you think he does?
dispatch3d Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Girls talk way more often than guys do. It's that simple .
Casablanca Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Sometimes I think there are too many 'rules' that go with dating. It's like you need a manual to do it properly. Why can't people just go with the flow? And I agree with AHDN, people who play games usually aren't mature. I dont play games and I dont deal with those who play games...I'm starting to see this girl who is just like me and pretty much anti-game playing like me. After our first date, she texts me when I get home and tells me she is available the next Thursday...I was gonna call her the next day about setting up the next date.
Author browndog319 Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 @Phineas, I hear what you're saying, but I initiated the last contact. And I believe I initiated all the contact the previous week. So I feel like I've been doing the heavy lifting. Sometimes a girl wants to feel like she's wanted. We've been dating for 2 months - he should be a little more giving than he's been. He also had to cancel our last date at the last minute last Saturday because he had issues with contractors. I could hear them in the background and he asked me to hold on a few times to talk to them and I could hear the conversation, so I know he wasn't lying. And I was really understanding and asked him if there was anything he needed because he was completely stressed out (he has a deadline for the work being done). So you would think he would follow up to reconnect after that since he canceled and I was nice about it (and genuinely nice, not the fake like you're being nice at the time but it will be an issue). He suggested lunch the next day and I haven't heard from him since. So, weird... I feel blown off. And he does this. So I worry he's avoiding a confrontation. But I feel like he should call first. He is the one who canceled, offered another date and then blew me off...
snowflakes88 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 This looks like the 2nd thread in a week you've posted about him disappearing / blowing you off. If you intend to continue with this guy, I think you should have a conversation about your expectations as far as communication / follow-through. Otherwise, it seems like this will be a recurring issue.
phineas Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 @Phineas, I hear what you're saying, but I initiated the last contact. And I believe I initiated all the contact the previous week. So I feel like I've been doing the heavy lifting. Sometimes a girl wants to feel like she's wanted. We've been dating for 2 months - he should be a little more giving than he's been. He also had to cancel our last date at the last minute last Saturday because he had issues with contractors. I could hear them in the background and he asked me to hold on a few times to talk to them and I could hear the conversation, so I know he wasn't lying. And I was really understanding and asked him if there was anything he needed because he was completely stressed out (he has a deadline for the work being done). So you would think he would follow up to reconnect after that since he canceled and I was nice about it (and genuinely nice, not the fake like you're being nice at the time but it will be an issue). He suggested lunch the next day and I haven't heard from him since. So, weird... I feel blown off. And he does this. So I worry he's avoiding a confrontation. But I feel like he should call first. He is the one who canceled, offered another date and then blew me off... Ok, are you sure you are dating?
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