OliveOyl Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I'll keep this short. While my BF and I have very similar life circumstances now, I've been learning that our backgrounds are quite different. Some of this I knew up front and is no problem. But sometimes the differences surprise me. For example, I just learned he'd never even heard of the game World of Warcraft. (I've never played WoW, and have no interest in playing, but it seems odd to me to not even have heard of the game. Or is it?) There have been other similar instances now and then that kind of surprise me. Have you ever dated/been with someone with different cultural influences (and I don't mean someone from a different country. My BF is American, like me, and very close to my age). Was it a problem?
Imageiko Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 For example, I just learned he'd never even heard of the game World of Warcraft. (I've never played WoW, and have no interest in playing, but it seems odd to me to not even have heard of the game. Or is it?) There have been other similar instances now and then that kind of surprise me. Was it a problem? Seriously? This is the example you choose? I don't get how you think him not having heard of a video game is a cultural difference and an odd one at that. I would recommend that you do some travelling and actually experience different cultures. In fact him not having heard of World of Warcraft seems like a positive trait to me lol
Trolly Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I would've thought this thread was a joke if not for your post count (because of the WoW example). Anyhow i've dated women with different cultural backgrounds. I grew up living a hispanic lower class lifestyle and my ex mostly grew up living in a white upper class lifestyle. These differences in upbringing never really effected our relationship. The only thing that did was that culturally where I live people are more confrontational. Certainly not afraid to shout if angry. That was not the case where she grew up and was shocking to her when we'd fight. On the flip side her lack of passion in our disputes gave me the impression that our issues weren't worth addressing.
Author OliveOyl Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Thanks for your replies. No this thread isn't a joke, but I don't get a chance to travel (or even get out a lot) so I'm well aware my viewpoint may be skewed. (And actually I think you're right that not having heard of WoW is a very good thing. That was just an example, and maybe not the best one.) Perhaps "cultural difference" isn't exactly what I mean. The following is hypothetical example (this hasn't happened but illustrates my question) Say when you were in your 20s you hung out with a group of friends who all watched and discussed the TV show "Friends." You made in-jokes about the characters such as Phoebe or Joey. And then a few years later you make some joke about the show with someone you're dating, saying, "That's just like in an episode of Friends." And your date responds, "An episode of what?" And you realize they have never watched or even heard of Friends. It's not really that important in the scheme of things, but it makes you pause, and is maybe a little disappointing that you can't share that reference. My BF has always been very outdoors-oriented, very activity-oriented, and into a lot of male-oriented hobbies (hunting, fishing, boxing, fixing up cars, etc.) whereas I have been much more creative (music, art, writing) intellectual in my interests. Maybe it's similar to the kind of difference that an age gap would bring.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hahaha! I just got married to a man whose background is so different from mine that you could write enclycopedic volumes about it. We're both white people ... we come from families of 3 sisters and 1 brother, with strong, authoritarian fathers. That's about all we have "in common." He was raised by strict Baptist parents (a PK - "preacher's kid") and wasn't allowed to dance or go to movies. Catholics weren't allowed inside his home! I was raised as a heathen by hard drinking libertines! And, I used to be a professional dancer! "Different backgrounds" doesn't even begin to cover it. He'd NEVER owned a dog. I have 13 dogs and train dogs for hours every day. He'd never owned any sheep, horses, chickens, doves ... he did have a cat, once. Now, he's a farmer, with me! And I am certain he has never heard of WoW. I don't think he knew what an iPod was until we got together! He wasn't on Facebook. He's never been to another country besides Canada; I have lived abroad and love to travel. He'd never seen a Fellini film, read Proust or William Burroughs, or seen an exhibit of Francis Bacon's paintings - but he is full of amazing information about all kinds of things I've never even considered before, like the intricacies of "Custer's Last Stand", and all the details of Buddy Holly's life, and he has a way of making his interests of interest to me. Olive, I think you and I are age peers, and I think that these things might have been an issue for me, at least, when I was younger. Now I don't care, and neither does he. In fact, we both revel in it. He thinks he totally hit pay dirt to end up with an adventurous, worldly and cultured woman. I don't feel that I'm missing out because he does not bring those things; he brings so much of other things into our relationship. I think each of us is excited to be experiencing different things at this stage. Whatever, it's working very well for us!
Cee Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I agree with Mme Chaucer. Differences are exciting and aren't a problem if love and respect are present. My boyfriend and I have many differences, but we are compatible. For example, he's sitting at his laptop reading the latest political news. He's addicted to politics. And I'm here on Love Shack because I love psychology and am addicted to talking about relationships. We have our legs intertwined and we a peacefully indulging our personal interests while being together.
coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 What's up with this one? Online Gaming and Dating?
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Personally, I always preferred relationships with people that are as similar to me as possible. My bf and me have similar tastes in movies, music, sports and books. We have a similar cultural background and upbringing. I felt completely at home at his parent's house. He commented that he has never met anyone, male or female that is more similar to him than I am. But that is what I have always seeked out, rejecting people that are too different...
coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Personally, I always preferred relationships with people that are as similar to me as possible. My bf and me have similar tastes in movies, music, sports and books. We have a similar cultural background and upbringing. I felt completely at home at his parent's house. He commented that he has never met anyone, male or female that is more similar to him than I am. But that is what I have always seeked out, rejecting people that are too different... Online score of 96% match means you and that person are really the same, but if they don't like the way you look your out of the picture. Your lucky things worked out for you and your bf!
Kamille Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I grew up speaking French and watching French Canadian television. From the time I was a teenager, I lived, however, in cities where English was the first language of the majority of the population. So I was often included in conversations where I had no idea what television shows my friends were talking about. The opposite is true, sometimes I would run into someone who watched Radio Canada too, and we would launch into the theme song of Les Cités d'Or much to the dismay / amusement of everyone around us. (Launching into the theme song of Les Cités d'Or is apparently something we French Canadians born in the 70s like to do). It's never really been an issue for me, likely because I was considered part of the minority, so there was this unwritten assumption that I was the one who was different, and therefore the one who had to adapt. As far as I know, it's never been a problem for my non-Radio-Canada watching boyfriends and exes. (I say non-Radio-Canada-watching, because a lot of French Canadians grow up watching English television anyway). Sometimes bf and I will run into an area where he'll be stunned I don't know a reference. I always politely remind him that he also doesn't share my background; ie, that the expectation of shared background could go both ways. I don't expect him to know about Passe-Partout, so why should he expect me to know about the Fonz? Next time, I might just launch into my best rendition of Les Cités d'Or.
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