My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday... i need

[Cowboy1015]

Hi,

 

I'll appreciate any advice. She is 23, single mom. I am 33. We've been dating for 4 months now. And yesterday, she just broke up with me. She talked to me in person for 15 min just to break the bad news. Today, I called her. Ask how she is... then I asked her if she can spend 1 hour with me to discuss what went wrong. She agreed... but she dragged it until Monday. It's just Thursday! I want her to stay. I'm just wondering how to deal with this once we talk on Monday.

 

So here's the whole story for those who likes long story:

 

I've know her for about 6 months. When she became my girlfriend, she never told me she have a 5yr old kid in the beginning. I love her kid now... so i'm ok.

 

We've done a lot of things together and with her kid too. We've been in a beach vacation for a week together. I've met her family.

 

The only weird thing is I don't know where she lives! She said, she had a stalker before and just being cautious now. But for god sakes! I am her boyfriend. It just means she didn't trust me! But here I am... I tried to understand.

 

The past few weeks, I felt that she's not the same like she used to. I guess I started to question it and that made things worst. We had a couple of arguments over the phone. The fight is all about me feeling that she's just making excuse not to see me. It's not that I'm forcing her to see me. Just be honest and don't beat around the bush. Because I am fine if she can't see me. I know she's always busy because of the kid.

 

So after those arguments, she still decided to invite me to her family BBQ. So there, I've met her dad for the first time. And everybody else. But she only introduced me as a friend to the rest of the people.

 

The following day came, we had another argument about seeing me. She was talking to me on the phone about a friend. I was listening and talking to her about it. Then I interrupted to ask, if she's still gonna be able to see me. She got mad! She said all I think about is myself! But me, all I wanted was for her to see me so we could talk in person. I mean we had several arguments prior to the BBQ, so I thought we should talk about it in person.

 

So after that incident she became cold.. unhappy. I asked her what's wrong. She said it's me. I panicked and I tried to fix things right away by sending love text messages, emails, and the craziest... a written apology letter inserted at her car at work.

 

She got upset about the letter. I gave her time and stopped bugging her for 3 days. We we're supposed to talk last Mon/Tues, didn't happen. But she did talk to me in person on Wed when she finally broke up with me. It's been one week since phone argument.

 

Here's her reason:

She felt that I'm not sincere to her and to her kid. That all I think about is myself. She said this is not what she want. And that's it. No details. Nada!

 

I would be fine if she just said... I don't love you anymore. But no.

 

So today, I called her to ask if we can meet and talk for at least one hour. She scheduled it on Monday. It's 4 days from now. I'm gonna get crazy!!!

 

Now what should I do from today until Monday? Is it a good idea to still contact her? Or just contact her on Monday and leave her alone for now? She seems cool though when I talked to her today. What should I do when we talk. I will not beg her. But, I want to make things right and make her decide to stay.

 

Thanks in advance.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Cowboy1015

[mike588]

Hi,

 

I'll appreciate any advice. She is 23, single mom. I am 33. We've been dating for 4 months now. And yesterday, she just broke up with me. She talked to me in person for 15 min just to break the bad news. Today, I called her. Ask how she is... then I asked her if she can spend 1 hour with me to discuss what went wrong. She agreed... but she dragged it until Monday. It's just Thursday! I want her to stay. I'm just wondering how to deal with this once we talk on Monday.

 

So here's the whole story for those who likes long story:

 

I've know her for about 6 months. When she became my girlfriend, she never told me she have a 5yr old kid in the beginning. I love her kid now... so i'm ok.

 

We've done a lot of things together and with her kid too. We've been in a beach vacation for a week together. I've met her family.

 

The only weird thing is I don't know where she lives! She said, she had a stalker before and just being cautious now. But for god sakes! I am her boyfriend. It just means she didn't trust me! But here I am... I tried to understand.

 

The past few weeks, I felt that she's not the same like she used to. I guess I started to question it and that made things worst. We had a couple of arguments over the phone. The fight is all about me feeling that she's just making excuse not to see me. It's not that I'm forcing her to see me. Just be honest and don't beat around the bush. Because I am fine if she can't see me. I know she's always busy because of the kid.

 

So after those arguments, she still decided to invite me to her family BBQ. So there, I've met her dad for the first time. And everybody else. But she only introduced me as a friend to the rest of the people.

 

The following day came, we had another argument about seeing me. She was talking to me on the phone about a friend. I was listening and talking to her about it. Then I interrupted to ask, if she's still gonna be able to see me. She got mad! She said all I think about is myself! But me, all I wanted was for her to see me so we could talk in person. I mean we had several arguments prior to the BBQ, so I thought we should talk about it in person.

 

So after that incident she became cold.. unhappy. I asked her what's wrong. She said it's me. I panicked and I tried to fix things right away by sending love text messages, emails, and the craziest... a written apology letter inserted at her car at work.

 

She got upset about the letter. I gave her time and stopped bugging her for 3 days. We we're supposed to talk last Mon/Tues, didn't happen. But she did talk to me in person on Wed when she finally broke up with me. It's been one week since phone argument.

 

Here's her reason:

She felt that I'm not sincere to her and to her kid. That all I think about is myself. She said this is not what she want. And that's it. No details. Nada!

 

I would be fine if she just said... I don't love you anymore. But no.

 

So today, I called her to ask if we can meet and talk for at least one hour. She scheduled it on Monday. It's 4 days from now. I'm gonna get crazy!!!

 

Now what should I do from today until Monday? Is it a good idea to still contact her? Or just contact her on Monday and leave her alone for now? She seems cool though when I talked to her today. What should I do when we talk. I will not beg her. But, I want to make things right and make her decide to stay.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

There are some serious issues with this relationship. Did'nt tell you about the child, don't know where she lives etc.This friend that she told you about well maybe it's her former boyfriend and she's stringing you along?

 

These are all danger signs for you and you should forget her. The love messages, texts you sent etc. make you look weak and if you continue doing that she will keep stringing you along.

 

You two have only been dating 4 months and are already having that many fights. Is this what you want in a g/f ???

 

She feels like your not being sincere to her kid,, WHAT, Shes the one not being sincere with you!!!!

 

I would'nt meet her again, I'd go strictly NO CONTACT,, let her call you but and don't answer the phone right away. Return her call the NEXT DAY if at all. Tell her you've been busy, don't be at her beckon (spelled right?) call.

 

You don't need this crap!!

[Art_Critic]

Are you sure she is single and not married ?

 

Are you SURE ? I'll bet she is separated or in a relationship that is committed, maybe her old BF and her were really on a break and are getting back together..

 

Just saying.. something smells.. I've dated plenty of women that had reasons to be careful about their location of residence and none of them kept it a secret past maybe a few dates...

 

Honestly I think you should cancel the meetup on Monday and just go find someone more compatible to you..

[geegirl]

Everything Art Critic said.

[appletini]

I agree with what everyone said above.

 

I wish someone had pointed out the red flags in my relationship to me when I was only 4 months in. Would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak.

 

There is something going on that has little to do with your behavior. You were probably not doing anything wrong during the actual relationship (except wanting too much too soon, maybe)... but she's definitely covering something up, and this is about her issues. I would stop contacting her as others have said. When and if she seeks you out, you'll be in a better position to demand some answers.

[Cowboy1015]

I know you all understand what I'm feeling right now. I am really hurting. I just want it to go away. I loved her so much and her kid too. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I just wish she could be more honest to me instead of dragging this for days.

 

I can't stay at home, it's killing me. All I've done is go to a bookstore and go to the relationship section trying to get some knowledge of what might have went wrong.

 

I know I will be ok after this. But why does she have to drag it until Monday. It will be 2 weeks by then. I just couldn't understand how could she suddenly stop caring.

 

I know you all said the best is forget her... I hope it's that easy. I tried but at some point she keeps creeping in my mind.

 

Thanks for the replies. This helps me pour out all my emotions until it's gone.

[Art_Critic]

Don't meet up with her on Monday.. you will just turn into a blubbering person who will lose their self respect begging her back...

 

I know it is hard but honestly she isn't going to provide you closure.. that one you need to provide yourself.

 

She wasn't very honest or nice to you in the long run..

[Cowboy1015]

Don't meet up with her on Monday.. you will just turn into a blubbering person who will lose their self respect begging her back...

 

I know it is hard but honestly she isn't going to provide you closure.. that one you need to provide yourself.

 

She wasn't very honest or nice to you in the long run..

 

I will try. But if ever I meet her on Monday, I'm pretty sure I can control my emotions. When she broke up with me yesterday, I just accepted it. I just told her... if you're not happy... then I'm not gonna be happy too. I just said I'm sorry it didn't work out.

 

Maybe I won't see her on Monday. Maybe I'll have more wisdom before that day.

[mike588]

I know you all understand what I'm feeling right now. I am really hurting. I just want it to go away. I loved her so much and her kid too. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I just wish she could be more honest to me instead of dragging this for days.

 

I can't stay at home, it's killing me. All I've done is go to a bookstore and go to the relationship section trying to get some knowledge of what might have went wrong.

 

I know I will be ok after this. But why does she have to drag it until Monday. It will be 2 weeks by then. I just couldn't understand how could she suddenly stop caring.

 

I know you all said the best is forget her... I hope it's that easy. I tried but at some point she keeps creeping in my mind.

 

Thanks for the replies. This helps me pour out all my emotions until it's gone.

 

Exactly, You did nothing wrong!! I know your hurting and it's awful! but the good news is that it will go away.

 

While she's dragging it out it's dragging you down or your letting it drag you down. There are just to many red flags in this relationship.Something is going on with her,, you don't understand how she could just "stop caring",,, sorry but maybe she never really cared.

 

If she really, really loves, cares about you, wants to be with you,,, she would'nt be putting you thru this.

 

If it's killing you to stay home that's ok. Get out, be with friends, family.

[Besmy]

Hello Cowboy,

 

I agree with our other friends here. Something is not right with her, something smells of dead rat!

It is unbelievable that you don't even know where she lives. But think, why wouldn't she want you to know where she lives? Because you could visit her and she doesn't want you to see who she lives with and how she lives.

 

ArtCritic is right, she could be in a relationship or married which would clearly explain why she wouldn't see you as often as you wish (because she is with the other person) and why you cannot visit her at home (because the other person is at her place).

 

Think for a moment, you don't get angry if the person who you love wants to see you or sends you loving sms, right? Unless you don't love him / her, and / or you have something to hide.

 

Don't meet her, it will be a waste of time, she won't tell you the truth and you are better off without her.

You are a nice, loving person and you deserve a nice, loving girl.

 

Follow our advices, cancel the meeting, go NC (No Contact), which means no sms, no e-mails, no calls, no meetings, NOTHING!

It's painful dear, we know, otherwise we wouldn't be on this forum supporting each other, but you have to do it for your own sake.

 

A big hug

[Cowboy1015]

Hello Cowboy,

 

I agree with our other friends here. Something is not right with her, something smells of dead rat!

It is unbelievable that you don't even know where she lives. But think, why wouldn't she want you to know where she lives? Because you could visit her and she doesn't want you to see who she lives with and how she lives.

 

ArtCritic is right, she could be in a relationship or married which would clearly explain why she wouldn't see you as often as you wish (because she is with the other person) and why you cannot visit her at home (because the other person is at her place).

 

Think for a moment, you don't get angry if the person who you love wants to see you or sends you loving sms, right? Unless you don't love him / her, and / or you have something to hide.

 

Don't meet her, it will be a waste of time, she won't tell you the truth and you are better off without her.

You are a nice, loving person and you deserve a nice, loving girl.

 

Follow our advices, cancel the meeting, go NC (No Contact), which means no sms, no e-mails, no calls, no meetings, NOTHING!

It's painful dear, we know, otherwise we wouldn't be on this forum supporting each other, but you have to do it for your own sake.

 

A big hug

 

It's really a puzzle to me that she wouldn't want me to know where she lives. I guess I was ok with it because she often see me. She comes to my place at least 2x a week. Then I often visit her at work on her break.

 

She said I would know it after I meet her parents which happened just last labor day. So I thought everything is going into place. Until that argument over the phone last Tuesday.

 

I'm pretty sure she is not involve with another man, otherwise, my guts would tell me.

 

I'm thinking maybe she got bored in the past few weeks. Because in the beginning she told me she wanted to workout with me. We did workout at her gym one time, and I know she felt uncomfortable. So it never happened again.

 

She wanted to study with me at my place. It happened once, then it never happened again. She said she couldn't concentrate. And this is where our first argument happened. She called me and told me she's coming over to study with me again. I waited, then she texted me that she decided not to come. There's a long story, but the bottom line, she realized she doesn't want to come and made an excuse that she feels sad so maybe not a good time to see me. So I was like irritated... coz if you are sad, would you rather see the person you love so you can vent??? So I felt she was lying... w/c I proved in later arguments that she did. She said she was sad and actually wanted to see me... which was the contrary of her first story.

 

She used to stop by at my place after work... recently she does not.

 

I gave her a bracelet, and she said... "I have to get you something too"... she never did.

 

She's often said something she's gonna do... but often she never did. I felt that she started to take me for granted.

 

So I guess her love diminished... until it was gone. And she couldn't tell me.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Cowboy1015

[Cowboy1015]

Maybe this has something to do with the guy she was telling me over the phone.

 

Apparently, this guy friend called her to tell her he was in a car accident. She was telling me stories that this guy liked her, that this guy wanted to marry her. I entertain her on this subject. But then I just asked whether she would still see me... she got so mad. Telling me that all I care about is myself...

 

Sorry... I'm just trying to find reasons to get mad at her. Maybe this guy is special. Maybe this guy is the dad. Hmmmmm...

[Art_Critic]

Maybe this guy is special. Maybe this guy is the dad. Hmmmmm...

 

Yeah.. and maybe they are really together and or separated and still trying..

You have not gotten the whole story from her..

 

You are right to want to get mad.. you need to realize that what you just went thru with her was NOT normal and something was up other than she had a stalker and wanted to be safe..

[Art_Critic]

You should try and stay active.. work out, keep busy, pour yourself into your work..

Something to keep your mind off this..

Time fixes everything and the hurt will start to feel better...

 

Try and remember that it isn't you.. you did nothing wrong, it is her that has some issues...