Woggle Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Can you spend a drama free day with her. If you have a woman who you can just have fun with and enjoy life without any drama, arguing, games or any of that then that is a positive sign. If all this can be done without alcohol being involved that is even better. Sadly with some women even spending a full day without some drama is too much to ask so when you find one like this it shows she can be a keeper.
Cypress25 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 You need to get out more. Most of the women I know are not involved in dramatic relationships; they easily get along with their SO. If you can't get along with any woman for more than one day, maybe you are the problem.
Kamille Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I completely agree, but with a gender-neutral sense. A good way to tell your partner is a keeper is if you can spend most of your time in drama-free mode. It mostly means the two partners get along, communicate well and are compatible.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Wow...are there really that many women out there who can't go a day without drama? I could never imagine living my life that way.
carhill Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 IME, it's more the nights which are problematical Wogs, I've been around a few of these. In her defense, my exW wasn't a drama queen. Anything but. Too far in the other direction IMO. I had to check her pulse to see if she was alive (not really but you get my drift). When the drama queens move on, my phone stops ringing in the middle of the night. That's a keeper I can live with.
HappyPanda Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I I had to check her pulse to see if she was alive This raises an interesting point... Which is the lesser of two evils? Of course, to be thrilled over a drama free DAY, in my opinion, is ridiculous! But, to date someone that you never have ANY disagreements with, is to me as well... No one wants to be with someone who they're constantly fighting with/breaking up with, obviously. But, on the contrary, to the OP, would you really rather someone who NEVER second guessed you? Most people want someone who is intelligent, has their own opinions, and sticks to them... that type of personality has the potential to become challenging, but Id rather it that way, than date a lap dog.
carhill Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 My best example is one I use here occasionally.... when my exW and I would be watching a funny TV show or movie and I would spontaneously laugh at some of the scenes and, noting a bit of levity in exW's body language or facial expressions, I'd ask her if she thought it was funny. She'd often say 'I'm laughing inside'. I like someone who *can* express passion, laughter, sadness, grief, etc. spontaneously. They don't have to be looking for skydive adrenaline every minute of the day but move off center once in awhile, please. My understanding was, for her, this 'style' was borne of a coping mechanism she developed as a child to disconnect the abuse and fear she dealt with day in and day out. Rather than 'feel', she'd go to her 'place' in her head where everything was quiet. OTOH, I've been with women who are drawn to drama like moth to a flame, even though they say they 'hate' it. They might 'hate' it, but they're attracted to it and thrive on it, whereas my exW would do nearly anything to avoid it. Myself, I like a more balanced middle ground. A woman who is a keeper for me would have a similar natural style.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I've never met a woman who is unable to live without drama. If there is one out there, she must be a medical miracle!
Author Woggle Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Wow...are there really that many women out there who can't go a day without drama? I could never imagine living my life that way. My friend who is in a great relationship right now inspired this thread. He dumped his ex two years ago because she treated him like crap. He said that if two days went by without her starting some major fight then he considered himself lucky. They had yet to take a vacation without some huge blow up. He was telling what a breath of fresh air his current relationship is.
East7 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Making up some drama doesn't mean the woman isn't a keeper. It is all about which degree/frequency of drama is acceptable. A woman who never complains or never nags can be nice at first but boring in the long run. Some sweet fighting once in a while is good for a relationship For me a keeper is not related much to the absence of drama rather to other traits : - She supports you - She has admiration for you (admiration is Men's greater turn on) - She wants to do things together. - She puts you first
Author Woggle Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Everybody complains sometimes but there is a difference between airing out issues and acting like a screaming banshee on vacation in front of everybody and embarrassing you.
Anela Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 My friend who is in a great relationship right now inspired this thread. He dumped his ex two years ago because she treated him like crap. He said that if two days went by without her starting some major fight then he considered himself lucky. They had yet to take a vacation without some huge blow up. He was telling what a breath of fresh air his current relationship is. Really? I've had the experience of men bringing drama - I'd think everything was fine, only to get the rug pulled out from under me, and spend the night or the weekend crying and trying to focus. he's the one who escorted my self-esteem into the toilet, and had me spiralling, angry and confused, and then had the audacity to call *me* negative when I was pretty healthy before all of that. And then he went on to make it worse. I should have stayed "no contact" when I told him where to go.
Allie32 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Can you spend a drama free day with her. If you have a woman who you can just have fun with and enjoy life without any drama, arguing, games or any of that then that is a positive sign. If all this can be done without alcohol being involved that is even better. Sadly with some women even spending a full day without some drama is too much to ask so when you find one like this it shows she can be a keeper. I know a guy is a keeper when he doesn't spend his whole life on the internet and post every single thought he ever had about women.
Els Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Err, very true, but if a man (or woman) finds such a thing to actually be a rarity, I believe he should reconsider his people-picker or the crowd he hangs out with.
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I spend most of my days with 'drama-free' women, whether they be customers, employees, vendors, wives of friends, etc. The commonality is that they are not single. In fact, at my age, the commonality is that most have been married many years and are grandparents. It's a simple commonality but pertinent. It's been that way for many years. I encountered more single women of this drama-free 'style' while traveling than locally, so I'll go back to that once financially able, since it's a lot of fun anyway. Another criteria for telling whether a woman is a 'keeper' for myself is her ability and desire to live and be alone and enjoy that life path. This is also another marked rarity, hence my past published theory that women are single for ten seconds or less. It sounds exaggerated but is quite true IME in my locale. I missed out on a potential 'keeper' simply due to bad timing, though she was apparently single for nearly a year, a rarity in these parts. I was in the middle of my divorce, so the reverse corollary was in operation, meaning I wasn't a potential healthy partner. Wogs, TBH, when dating, I've spent months of drama-free days with women over the decades. It's usually not an issue when they have their 'dating face' on. It generally becomes more of an issue when intimacy deepens and the 'bloom is off the rose'. Some women put on a more convincing mask than others, so discerning the mask and what's behind it has definitely been a part of the 'people-picking' process.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I know a guy is a keeper when he doesn't spend his whole life on the internet and post every single thought he ever had about women. What's wrong with being on the internet? Beats sitting in front of a tv, watching sports and getting drunk!
Kamille Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 What's wrong with being on the internet? Beats sitting in front of a tv, watching sports and getting drunk! Oops. I have been on the internet while sitting in front of the tv, watching reality tv and getting drunk. I must be a total loser. Someone alert my boyfriend!
Sanman Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Making up some drama doesn't mean the woman isn't a keeper. It is all about which degree/frequency of drama is acceptable. A woman who never complains or never nags can be nice at first but boring in the long run. Some sweet fighting once in a while is good for a relationship For me a keeper is not related much to the absence of drama rather to other traits : - She supports you - She has admiration for you (admiration is Men's greater turn on) - She wants to do things together. - She puts you first I think low to no drama is important (to me at least) for a healthy relationship, but I like your list otherwise.
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 My interpretation of 'drama' is, variously, someone who predominantly focuses on the negative interactions of their day and embellishes them to the extent that I'm afraid they'll start spitting soon; their cup is half full; their ex-spouse of years ago is still an <expletive>, the cat pissed in their Cheerios and didn't you hear about xxx who's fµcking xxx's spouse. This 'style' generally precludes any real healthy or active interest in my life, though I've sometimes seen it while they're inhaling for the next assault. I could go on
Eve Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 My former drama days were caused by a man who tried to make me into something I am not because he was an insecure person. Thankfully it all spiralled suddenly and I left him. Nope, I am not good at proper drama - can't keep a straight face. Dunno, sometimes stirring things up a bit can be quite funny though. Especially if football is on. Hubby winds me up and I wind him up .. for no reason .. but we both know it is all in fun. I have seen people arguing on the street and also seen dead relationships and just thought maybe they should just split up if things have come to that! Personally, I would rather be doing something else. I know Hubby is a keeper because he is authentic and not hard to please. Take care, Eve x
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Oh, yeah, I was thinking circumstantial drama while 'getting to know', rather than when involved emotionally. To me, 'you're an idiot' versus 'I disagree' or 'here's my opinion' defines one important line in that sand. I've seen some men who are so used to hearing the former that it doesn't even register with them anymore. For me, non-keeper.
Anela Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Oh, yeah, I was thinking circumstantial drama while 'getting to know', rather than when involved emotionally. To me, 'you're an idiot' versus 'I disagree' or 'here's my opinion' defines one important line in that sand. I've seen some men who are so used to hearing the former that it doesn't even register with them anymore. For me, non-keeper. It took me a long time to get to the "you're an idiot" stage; you're first comment above made me laugh, though, because half the time, I'm still that way. I just got whacked with several things, and this guy was making things worse. As I said, I should have gone no-contact, but it was my experience with him that left me feeling 'not good enough' when I was on the dating site, leading to me to turn men away - because I couldn't deal with any more potential rejection, and I didn't think they should have to be the ones to deal with any drama that I was/am going through. It was bad enough that people close to me were having to deal with it. I used to be more self-contained, optimistic, cheerful, understanding...
motive2002 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I dunno, I think men let women get away with FAR too much crap. I understand it's hormones. Maybe she's hot or great in the sack or whatever, but I simply will not put up with drama. I don't care how great she is otherwise.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Oh, yeah, I was thinking circumstantial drama while 'getting to know', rather than when involved emotionally. To me, 'you're an idiot' versus 'I disagree' or 'here's my opinion' defines one important line in that sand. I've seen some men who are so used to hearing the former that it doesn't even register with them anymore. For me, non-keeper. You mean, they call you names? One thing me and my ex-BF (now best friend) still have heated debates over is the 'man is the head of the household' thing. I haven't actually said 'you're an idiot'... but I have said something along the lines of... I can't believe you really feel that way. Really? Especially since he picked someone like me to date and... later...stay friends with. Maybe he really is an idiot
coolheadal Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I don't like high maintenance type, buy me this, buy me that! I am to go here and I want to go there and I don't want to go where you want to go!
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