BlockedThenADDED Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Hey guy's, I know it's long, and thanks for reading- Some back story: Me and my now ex girlfriend are both 24 years old, we went out for 3 months and we both talked one night about how much we loved each other and how we felt one night while we were laying in bed(I know a very short time, but I know this feeling as I have had it once before). We took things a little fast, as I moved here(Florida) from Hawaii(I didn't move here for her, but as Hawaii is expensive, and I was already looking to move and was already looking and interested in the area I moved to before me and her ever met. It only happened out of sheer luck that I ended up 20 minutes away, also we got together before we even truly met, which is probably one of the many problems), and I stayed with her for a month as I asked if I could stay with her while trying to find a place. I eventually found a place that I bought and moved out, I had asked her if I could move in with her but as she was jobless at the time and she said she had to find a job and couldn't focus on what she needed to do as she said I was a good distraction but she needed to pay her bills, and would eventually let me move in. What happened Well everything was going fine until she didn't contact me for around 4 day's(Tuesday night-Saturday Afternoon), I text her a bunch to see if she was ok to no avail, She eventually text me(on Saturday) saying she just needed some space, I text her alright well I will give you your space(after one night of ignoring her, she texts the next day that she loves me, and I foolishly gave in and text her back I love you too). We then both ignored each other for another day and half, I then messaged her friend on Facebook asking if she knew if she was truly ok or what, which I knew I shouldn't have asked, well my now ex texted me saying what the f why are you messaging my friends(like I said I shouldn't have done that). This Monday: Well later that day I go on Facebook and see that she deleted the comments of her loving me, She also deleted 2 of the 4 pictures when we went to Busch Gardens of us kissing, and then last but not least changed her status from “in a relationship to single”(after that I deleted her, since then I did re-add her), I try not to take Facebook seriously, but I felt as that was a message and after seeing this I got upset(I feel like I over-reacted), and I had text her asking for my stuff back(clothes and stuff) and asked why she did it threw Facebook? She first asked what brought this on, I had asked her if I could come over to talk this out as I like to do it face to face, well she said yes and I left for her house. Half way there she text and said OMG way to over-react, and that it was due to her little cousin asking too many questions that i'm immature and she said I jumped the gun and the real reason she wasn't talking to me was cause she claims I lied(which I have never lied to her) and that she hate's liars. She text me saying you know what you can come get your stuff. I went over got it out of her car where she said it would be and tried knocking on her door to see if I could get her to talk to me(I know wrong decision, but I was hurting and still am). Well after a few time's knocking on her door, she didn't answer it I ended up leaving for my house. I know I broke one of the major break-up rules as I text hear pleading that she stay with me, that I didn't lie(I really didn't) for a second chance(I know I shouldn't have done it but what I did is done and I can't change it), she said if we couldn't be friends it would have never worked and that she is to stressed to be in a relationship as she is far in debt(47 grand to be exact), has no one to rely on, got kicked out of her house(now lives in a trailer, I offered her to stay with me, she wouldn't do it), got kicked out of school(her mom signed for the loans, but is a drug addict and took a huge loan out) She said she is willing to loose everything, and everyone in her life in order to hold on to her house, car, and dogs as she has nothing else, or anyone to fall back to. I am sure there is no other man in her life so don't say it's cause of another man, as I just don't have that feeling. She said she wants to stay friends and if where meant to be together we will be, that nothing will change and that she still cares for me and we should go to the mall and eat Chinese food(her favorite place) her treat. I text back saying ok, and asking maybe later if we could go to her house and watch a movie as friends, she said no my house is off limits until I feel comfortable with our friendship. This Tuesday: Well we went to the mall and hung out, ate Chinese food, we went shopping/browsing around the mall for a few hours, I asked if she would like to the beach and she said ya, she said how about Sunday as Soapy Tuna is playing downtown that night. I said ya sound's like fun. She called me babe once and then said oh sorry and she touched me a few time's on the arm and chest, and we seemed to have a great time. I took her back to her car where I picked her up from work, she went home and so did I. Well I tried texting her the rest of night and really didn't any text's back(her house gets crap reception but I know she get's texts in the house) until I asked if she minded me getting to know her all over again(she said ya that's what this is all about). Well I text her asking her a few questions and never got anything back. So I decided to text her goodnight, and went to bed. On Wednesday: Well when I woke up I text her good morning like I normally do everyday and I didn't get any texts until later that day I text her asking how her day was going she said good but my feet are killing me. I said i'm sorry too bad we couldn't find you shoes at the mall, She text back saying I know. Then she text saying if you want, you can come up to here and eat, just try to be here before 1:30 as she was off at 2(she works at waffle house). I was going to text her back right away but thought no ill just go surprise her. So I went up there and when I got there she was smoking outside I went over to her and She complemented me on my smile and jeans(as they where more fitted than I normally wear) after word I went inside and ate, she served me the food, we made small talk every few minutes and after words she said if I wanted to hang for little bit we could while she did her paperwork. I decided alright I will, we talked while she did her paper work, and then I asked her to go to Walmart with me as I needed a longer cable cord for my sisters room, she said ya sure I need to get dog food too. So we went and I pushed her around in the cart ha ha. well on the way back to her car she was saying I should become friend's with her brother, I said ya that sounds good and then I dropped her back off at her car we hugged and I told her I would text her later she said ok and we both went home. I text her after I got home to no avail, saying hey what's up. I decided to text her like nothing was happening. saying Ugh stupid stud finder wont work, I am trying to put up my sisters TV, and asked her if she would like to talk on the phone sometime like we use to and maybe we can go to the movies, putt putt golf, paint ball, or something as friend's. she still didn't text me back, so I text saying did you destroy your phone(kidding as she joked earlier at her job that she hates her phone and was gonna destroy it and if I didn't hear from her then I know why). She still didn't text back so I said well guess you passed out text me when you get a chance. I got really drunk and didn't mean to text her after this but I did before I passed out saying goodnight ill text you in the morning. I had asked her while at her job eating my plate if she minded that I text her good morning and good night, she said no, I just don't get it until I am already at work, I do believe this as she doesn't get the best reception inside her house. She also doesn't seem to mind my text messages as she hasn't told me to stop. My Question: I feel as she might not know what she want's? She says she still cares for me, but feel as she is sending mixed signals. What do I do, do I keep trying to text/contact her, do I go NC, or just move on? I want to keep fighting for her, but don't want to over-stress her already stressful life. I feel as I am over thinking all of this, I need some fresh insight on this. Sorry for it being such a long post. Thanks any help or thought's are greatly appreciated.
othersideofthepillow Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 after reading your post, and yes it is indeed a long one lol, i think you already know what you need to do. in my past, i have gotten to know some women that i started to like (yes i know that you love her) and i also fell in love with a girl after about 4-5 months of getting to know each other so i do know it can happen. with everything that you have posted that has happened with not responding to text or what not (you also seem to have a answer as to why she doesn't respond so i don't know if you realize it could be for another reason) but you DEF need to NOT CONTACT this woman again. she doesn't want you as anything more than the occasionally talking-hangout buddy - so don't waste your time and emotions. when a woman wants to talk to you they initiate contact and also RETURN contact when made if...and thats a big if....SHE contacts you, dont answer. if she says things like i miss you or why arent you talking to me, you STILL DO NOT respond. she seems to be at a point in her life where she has way to much on her mind to think of you the way you think of her. im not saying that she doesnt care for you at all....but think about it - talking to you while doing her paperwork.....not texting you back really AT ALL....its not worth your time. trust me i know you have strong feelings for this woman but chalk it up as bad timing and that you only spent a few months on it....THAT WILL MAKE IT FADE AND YOU WILL HEAL FASTER!!!! florida is FULL of beautiful women with great personalities to match!!!!! if later on down the road you cross paths again than GREAT....but right now - she is not ready/right for you. let her go NOW and move on i know thats probably not what you wanted to hear but i hope that helps you out and good luck!!!!!
Author BlockedThenADDED Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Thank you for your response othersideofthepillow, your post gave me some insight and thank you for the advice. I have been doing a lot of thinking ever even before we broke up(I had all the sign's that she was starting to pull away, but thought I could try and keep us together, but only coming to realize its a two way street that I can't fix things that I didn't really break). I even had my doubts weeks ago before she started pulling away, and almost broke up with her nearly myself(I never told her that, which is why i'm as hurt as I could be). I really still love her and want to be with her but maybe its just not meant to be. I feel as I will go ahead with the NC(starting right now) and if one day we end up together/in the future than great, if not then I learned and hopefully won't make the same mistakes. I have also been thinking if she really loves me and cares for me the way she said she did/does, that after some NC, that she might (i'm not saying shes going to) but that she will realize what she lost(I know I need to be careful). I Mean I never cheated on her, never lied to her(even though she believes I did), never hit her(I never would), never really fought with her, and tried doing sweet things for her(making her a cookie cake, buying her favorite candy when she thought I wasn't paying attention when she told me about it, doing her dishes, cleaning her bathroom and house when she was away or outside, she told me none of her other x boyfriends ever did this). Half of my heart/mind tell me that all we will ever be is friend's and she wants nothing more to do with me, the other half of me tells me that she really still wants to be with me but there is too much on her mind. I feel as confused if not more confused the more I think about it.
wilsonx Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 the other half of me tells me that she really still wants to be with me but there is too much on her mind. I feel as confused if not more confused the more I think about it. This half of you is lying just like she is. People that say **** like I hate cheaters (they are cheaters) People that say I hate liars (they are liars). She's lying to you about something. There are no rules to breakups. You are free to do whatever you want to do. IF you want to beg and plea, then do it. If you want to call your ex a lying bitch (like I did) and tell her to grow up, then do it. If you do not want to say anything, then do it. There are no rules or laws that tell you you can or cant say anything. Do you not see any redflags in your posting. I see trailer, huge debt, drugs... hmmmm redflags to me. It's a 3 month relationship, eat the pain for a week and move on to something better. Just NC her permanently
Author BlockedThenADDED Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Thought I would update my story, I am doing a lot better. I have been doing a lot of reading on this forum and have been working on myself, working out, keeping myself busy, and realizing that she should not be the pedestal, that I am on the pedestal, and its all about me. I read one of Homebrews threads, I just want to say thank you, you helped me understand and realize what I need to do and hope you don't mind me posting a reference in here, it's a really great read(http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256596/). As to my ex, after Wednesday of us hanging out and her never texting me back, I decided to go NC until Friday I wrote her a heart felt note and left it at her house. later that night she put on Facebook that "I don't want to carry anyone elses weight, i don't want to deal with your problems, or listen to you whine, we all have "stuff" grow up.", after that I went NC until Tuesday and the only reason I responded was she thought I was trying to log into her email(which she knows I would never and have no reason to), and asked for me to stop, and that she hopes I had fun with her brother(me and him are still friends as we get along great, we went to the bar last Sunday and got wasted lol). Well I text her back saying "I would never do that, as I its none of my business, and don't have a need or want to, and ya we had fun and hope your having a good day". She text back saying thank you and hope I was having a good day, I then text back saying thanks so whats new. She never ended up texting back all night, which never bothered me as I have learned to never expect a response. I decided to go back to NC this Tuesday. Well one of my old time friends that I use to date contacted me on Facebook(my ex and her know nothing of each other). She asked about what happened, well I told her my long story of what happened and afterwords she told me that it sounded exactly like what happened with her and her now husband. Well I was intrigued so I asked her how he won her back. She had told me that he was there when she needed him, and after a month or so they started dating again, and she eventually married him. So I asked what she thought I needed to do, she said well if you really want her back, you should be there for her when she needs you, that if she doesn't text back for a while to not text her, and only text her every other day or so, and that don't me so emotionally attached. Well after she told me all of this I decided what the heck do I have to loose? I mean I love her but she was not the reason why I was happy in the relationship and should have never thought that way. So when I woke up in the morning I decided to text her "good morning, how are you?" figuring she would never text back and I went on with my day as I normally would. She text back this afternoon saying "good morning, how is it going with your grandma?"(my grandma is here visiting me, and she knows as I told her weeks ago when we where still together). I text my friend that gave me that advice and asked if she thought I should text back she said yes, she is saying hi. I thought ok Ill text her back, so I said"its going good we went to the beach, not as nice as the one we went to, so how are you?", She never ended up texting back. Well I decided oh well I tried, well later on in the day I go onto Facebook and see she had posted a new thing saying "I don't get it :€....."(no I don't stalk her profile, I just see all the updates on the main page). I feel she expected me to just go NC and never speak to her again, and this has caught her off guard, that she is sad, hurting and probably second guessing her decision(as there was no real reason to break up with me in the first place). I have hope but am expecting the worst, I do want her back but not for the reasons I wanted when we first broke up(I want her back to share are happiness together if and when she is ready and willing, and really just want her to be happy no matter what, whether it be with me or not and have accepted whatever happens happens). Well I have decided I am gonna keep trying but if she doesn't text give her periods of time and try again. I will try to update later and let you know how it goes.
Author BlockedThenADDED Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 Here an update my story again.... all I can say is I should have just moved on and realize that now. I should have listened to everyone's advice on here, family, and friends but instead I guess I am one of those people who just have to be beatin until I can't get up anymore. Not really surprised, I guess as I already saw all of this coming, but did nothing to stop it. Well the story goes that I was just enjoying my night at home on a Friday night, watching what ever movies I could find on the tube, when all the sudden my phone rings as I got a text. I figure it will be one of my friends or family. I open it up and see its my ex-girlfriend, she text me saying "I miss you", then another one saying "Alot", Then the next one "Being without you blows". Well needless to say I was ecstatic, but decided I might just ignore it, well after thinking for a little while she calls me. I think ok maybe I'll answer as she wants to hang out or talk about what is on her mind. She says hello, I say hello back..., she says "I miss you so much, I'm so sorry for what I did, I really want to meet you and for you to meet my friends at the bar they were at. Well me not wanting to take advantage of her made sure to talk to her longer to see if she was really drunk. I find out she just got there and has only had 1 drink. I figure ok well I'm not doing anything so I get ready and drive about an hour to where this bar is. She keeps calling me like we first did when we were dating, to see where I was and say she wanted to see me to hurry up. Well I get almost there and she calls and gives me her friends address and to meet them there to drink, so I go to the address and wait for a while. They show up, and she gets out of the car. First thing she does runs up to me and kisses me(tongue) and hugs me. I was so shocked that I didn't do anything but stand there and let her do it. Well she starts calling me babe and hugging kissing touching me, I was still in shock and I will admit I have missed the intimate touching. Well I meet her friends and we drink a few, we run out of beer and I go to buy more with her. We go to the store and she talks to me on the way over there while touching me. She tells me she wants to go to my place and crash and if I can take her to work in the morning, I ask her why we can't stay at her place and she says her ex-ex bf(he supposedly cheated on her and acts like she hates him) is probably over there cause she told him he could see the dogs(one of them is his), all I know about him is he is Spanish and lives in Miami, and is a truck driver. Well earlier in the night she had told me it was her cousin staying there which I thought was odd until I found out it was her ex(I figure he has a house key or she let him come in, or he was already there, as she said this was a last minute thing her friend came up with), but I figure alright(I'm Mr. Idiot trust me). So I take her to my place, and she is telling me, how much she misses me, thinks about me all the time and everything that goes around her makes her think about me, her dogs miss me, and how she feels miserable, and that the real reason she hasn't text or called is she is so busy with work(she works two jobs apparently). That I wasn't smothering her, that I didn't over text her(she said the note I had left her on her door step was creepy as she said she wanted to see me face to face). That the real reason she ended it was she is just not ready for such a serious relationship(this sparked curiosity in me as to if there was another man). Half way to my place she calls someone, she told me to be quiet(in a nicest way possible) and says hey I'm going to bed(I couldn't hear the other voice on the line as I was suspicious), she says well no I'm driving but going to go to bed, ok well drive home safe and I love you. After she gets off the phone I ask her who it is and she says its Gena, her friend that just left the bar drunk and she wanted to make sure she got home safe. Well after that she starts telling me that she misses everything we had and wants to have that all again and how she loves me, and loves when I tell her I love her, and how none of those posts on Facebook where about me they where about her friend. Well we get back to my place, and make out a little bit(yes I shouldn't have trust me I already know). Well she passes out and I am still awake, and her phone buzzes. Well I ended up looking at her phone, and unlocked it(she knows I know the code). Just let me say right now I should have never and wish I would have never done this, but I had to know if someone else was in the picture. I start to look threw and don't find anything until I come across some text's between her and a person named Barbara. This supposed person was suppose to be Gena as the time of the call was when we were driving home. I look into the messages and see they have been texting things back and forth like papi and mami. How she loves this person, and feels like a part of her is missing without this person. Why this person won't text her back, and why this person had there phone off, How she knows they can never be together but thanks this person for always being there for her. This person texting back saying I know its hard, I love you to mami, I'm coming across the coast tomorrow, can I see you? All these texts happened right around when we broke up. She texts this person when you go to burger king get me no mayo on my burger. Well I look up the number on the internet to find out it's based in Miami(which she has been texting since August 31, 2011), So I call it up (blocked of course) and a guy answers, and says hello(in his Spanish accent). I hang up realizing it is more than likely her ex-ex bf. I want to confront her on this just so I can totally make sure, but I'm sure its just better that I move on and totally forget about her, which I plan on doing. I just know in the back of my head its always gonna be there, and I will always be wondering why. So I wake her up for work take her to work and ask if we can hang out after work, she says Idk as I'm just gonna go home and go to bed, I say well we could just cuddle, she says no I'm ok she kisses me(I didn't kiss back, just didn't expect her to give me a kiss) and she went into work saying please text me. Well needless to say after I saw all that I am seriously hurt, I know I shouldn't have looked threw her phone but I did and am seriously regretting this whole night, and ever meeting her. I really feel played even though she is not my Girlfriend, I was hoping a second chance until all this happened. I guess I know what I need to do, weather or not I do it is up to me. :/
TheDovic Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Sounds like she's interested in this other guy and because he was messing her about she fell back into your arms for comfort! That must be really hard to take dude, but she sounds like a user, and as hard as it's going to be, you need to cut her out of your life!!!
Recommended Posts