country_gurl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I want to know what I can say and do to help a BS in the early stages after finding out about an A. I am not doing a good job right now despite all my reading on this site. IMO, there's NOTHING that you can do or say to help your sister (or any BS) because of your personal history of cheating, manipulation, selfishness and your obvious lack of remorse or sincere regret for having hurt someone who loved and trusted you. IMO, as well, it just seems pointless and rather hypocritical of someone like you to try and "help" someone who's on the receiving end of a cheating spouse. I'm curious why you would even think you could help her, or what you're really trying to gain by allegedly trying to?
rafallus Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 It's hard to help others, when you most likely need help yourself. Time to practice what you would like to preach. Or, live up to your past (?) behaviour and tell sister "It's no big deal, get over it, dammit!"
2long Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 This is about the point in the thread where someone (let's say me, for instance) posts that the OP was a troll after all who, after stirring up controversy, has long since left the building... ...followed shortly after by another post from the OP saying that, no, she is not a troll and truly wants honest answers 2 her self-serving questions... -ol' 2long
nyrias2 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 So in other words..we shouldn't try to have her change so she can continue having victims? So it is fine to treat her victims but not the cause of the villainy? In that case lets free all the offenders out of jail..let them commit their terror..then just treat the victims as long as they stay in confines of the law. You are still not helping HER when u change her. You are still helping her victims. When we locked up criminals, we are NOT helping them. Far from it. We are PUNISHING THEM and helping US. So don't be mistaken. You are not interested in helping her. You want to change her to help society, which of course, i have no problem with.
betterdeal Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Depends on what you do with them whilst you imprison them.
Space Ritual Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 wow what a thread....only read parts of it but I'd like to ask the Original poster if she has at any time in her life suffered ANY consequence for her actions in the past and if perhaps having little or none made it easier to feel the sense of entitlement I read between the lines of her posts.
nyrias2 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 wow what a thread....only read parts of it but I'd like to ask the Original poster if she has at any time in her life suffered ANY consequence for her actions in the past and if perhaps having little or none made it easier to feel the sense of entitlement I read between the lines of her posts. Perhaps not. There was some research posted earlier (forget which thread) that shows that roughly 70% of the cheaters got away with it. Thus, i do not think consequences are a big deterrent. And even if the chances of discovery are higher, I also doubt many cheaters will be deterred. They probably don't care abt the consequences enough. Of course in this case, a lack of bad consequences probably provides positive reinforcements for the cheating behavior.
oldguy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I am sorry for not reading ALL of the replying posts but in scanning them you didn't reveal why you are unfaithful. I know of a multitude of reason why people cheat. I'm assuming your sister does not share your propensity for cheating so I have to conclude it is something more personal. Do you mind sharing? Again, I apologies if I missed it when I skimmed over the posts leading up to this one.
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