somedude81 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I am fine dying alone and being alone. I like having my freedom and not being bothered by anyone; the only person I need to worry about is myself. Why would I want to be bothered having to deal with another individual? Why when I can just worry about myself and be alone? Why are you even on Loveshack? I just don't get the desire of wanting to be alone. Though it seems to be more common in women than in men. Still is it really so bad to be in a relationship?
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Heh, I can see that you are opinionated You don't seem to hold high regard for men. And that can start to explain having no desire to be in a relationship with one. Still there is companionship, somebody who talks and acts differently than your girlfriends, can open jars and move sofas and don't forget about sex. This thread just makes me think of the girl I'm infatuated with. She just doesn't want to be in a relationship with anybody, and I can't understand why. We're already good friends so why not take it to the next level? I just think she's scared of becoming vulnerable.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Why are you even on Loveshack? Maybe she just likes giving relationship advice? I dunno. I am pretty much the same way. I like giving advice, but I am also looking for help. So I'm on here for two different reasons.
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I can open my own jars just fine. Do you think only a man can open a jar? I use knife to pry it and when you hear a popping noise that means it's open. Or you can bang it against the kitchen counter along different portions on the side of the lid until it "pops". I can move lighter sofa's just fine; you can easily push it. If it's too heavy then I can hire someone. Wow, you're no fun at all. Vibrator gets me off every time. If not a fwb will do. A vibrator can make you orgasm 10 times a day and most men can't. Well enjoy.
coolheadal Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Online women are very selective makes one believe they don't want to have a man just a active partner. I see one who spends 1,000 a week in shoes that's nuts but only in her 30s and never been married nor have kids. Those in the 40s and up they looked worn out or had a rough life. No excuse to have bad skin and the cause of that is too much at tan salons. All the black rouge around the eye lid is that necessarily? Too late for them they're so picky and the young ones are no better some homely looking but even they're selective. Too bad things are like this but hey what are you going to do? I think I'll just got to island where we don't have to be so selective / physical attraction isn't a must! Find those single girls with the red rose/flower in their hair being available.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I'm not sure, but I think this might be true more so for women than men , so I apologize if I seem to be discriminating. lol I had known a couple people mention how they have mid-50's singles friends that 1. Rather attractive for their age 2. Never married 3. No children. 4. Over 50 Typically, by that age, these women have had a long list of criteria in a man that no man has ever met. I mean, at WHAT age will a woman will come to terms that they might EVER meet the man that meets that list? Man, I thought women had an age limit, where they realize, "Hey, I'm <years old> , better start changing my superficial criteria!" Anyone know single women, over 50, that are like this? I'm going to say... yes... I'm willing to go to my grave single rather than invest whatever time I have left on this planet with someone who doesn't love me or let me love them. All this stuff about physical attraction... yes, that is one component, but has never been a high priority with me.. If I love their personality, I become physically attracted to them.. This is why I don't rush things sexually... My ex-H looked like a shorter version of JFK Jr... but the man I almost married after him was overweight and had bad skin from acne when he was growing up. The men I listed in my earlier post... you'll note it was their CHARACTER and integrity that got them the boot. Nothing else. To the extent that the men here spend vast amounts of time focusing on things they can't change rather than on things they can change... means that is one more day they will be void of the love of a woman who could really care for them.
somedude81 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 To the extent that the men here spend vast amounts of time focusing on things they can't change rather than on things they can change... means that is one more day they will be void of the love of a woman who could really care for them. If only we knew what to change and how to do it.
coolheadal Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Too much early sex topics. Most I see don't want sex, those who really want it can't live without it. They must have it even on the first date. Some wait 6 weeks for sex while others want to have it after the wedding. As for sleeping on the first date most want that some don't even want to cuddle or even want you to touch them. These type of women I like to know what the heck happen to them while they were growing up? Now in they're mid 30s and don't want a guy to touch them in bed.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 If only we knew what to change and how to do it. I expect you know what qualities you want in a woman. Become the person you want to attract. Surround yourself with people as friends and mentors who have these qualities. Watch and learn. Take every opportunity you can to develop your social skills... and not just towards dating and 'pick up' tricks. Basic conversational skills, learning how to read people... things like that. I mentioned in a past post that I thought you were doing alot of the right things... Have you ever thought of keeping a journal? Sometimes when I feel like I'm making ZERO progress on something, I take a look back at how far I've come. It really helps. I'm telling myself this is much as I'm telling you... so don't feel bad. We all have to start someplace.
somedude81 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 What's really confusing is that I can't seem to figure out what qualities women actually want. Stuff like honesty, thoughtfulness, hardworking, humor are things that all women say they want but having those isn't enough to get somebody and then there are woman who are with guys who have none of the above... That's why I often get fixated on my physical stuff, being short and not that good looking. Because it appears that those things are what women really care about. But when I hear about average looking short guys who get girls, I just leaves me thinking, "huh, then why have I done so bad?"
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 What's really confusing is that I can't seem to figure out what qualities women actually want. Stuff like honesty, thoughtfulness, hardworking, humor are things that all women say they want but having those isn't enough to get somebody and then there are woman who are with guys who have none of the above... That's why I often get fixated on my physical stuff, being short and not that good looking. Because it appears that those things are what women really care about. But when I hear about average looking short guys who get girls, I just leaves me thinking, "huh, then why have I done so bad?" You don't want the women who are with men that aren't good people. These women might look pretty on the outside... but they are choosing men like that because, internally, there are things they haven't addressed either. It isn't up to you to convince them they can do better. If they get burned enough times, they'll quit it like the bad habit men like that are. I'm one of them... kicked the 'bad boy' habit many, many years ago. Sorry. It really is a phase women go through. Just like it is a phase that men mostly go for the 'hot' women. Eventually most figure out there is more to life than just looking hot... But I want to quote this again... "Stuff like honesty, thoughtfulness, hardworking, humor are things that all women say they want but having those isn't enough to get somebody" These are the qualities that make life worth living while you are looking!! And the ones that will increase your odds of finding someone who is capable of making and keeping a commitment once you DO find them. It is well worth the effort. Also, I fear that OLD really has warped the way people find lasting love. I'm not sure what to tell you on that one. I actually think it is doing people more harm than good in the long run. But that is just me. Since I got off of it, I'm alot happier. Not sure how much closer I am to finding someone, but at least I'm out and about... not sitting behind a computer screen.
Art_Critic Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 In my whole life, I've only personally met two women who are even over 40 and never married. Funny you mention that.. it made me think about the same over 50.. Zero.. I've known nobody over 50 that was over 50 and never married and none over 45.. now near 40.. yeah I've known a couple. I guess then at least in my world the OP's topic really bears no significance.
leftfordead2 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I'd happily go to my grave single. Being in a relationship and/or married isn't the be all end all of my life. There is plenty of joy in my life whether I'm single or attached. Not every woman in the world bases their entire sense of self worth on whether or not she's married. QFT. Same for me, I don't really care if I go to my grave single or married or married with kids etc..
D-Lish Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Yes, I'm 41. I've been married (and divorced), and I've been burned a few times. I could go to my grave single. I won't compromise what I am looking for in a man just to have someone. I'm not shallow though. I AM picky, but it's not looks, height, etc that I pay attention to. It's humour/wit.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Sure, there are women who will go to their graves single. My sister is one. It's NOT because she has "superficial standards." It's because she has big problems trusting people and allowing them to become close to her. If people are actually getting married because of "superficial standards." (and I know that they are), I believe that most of those marriages are doomed. I DO NOT, however, think that needing to be physically attracted to one's mate is "superficial." I would NEVER have sex with a man I wasn't attracted to. VERY attracted to. And I would NEVER marry a man I was not very into having sex with. But the attraction is not based on stuff like: he has to be over 6 feet tall, he has to have lots of wavy hair, etc. Things that are IMPORTANT to you in a partner, on a deep level, are not superficial and you should not be "settling" about them, whether you are a man or a woman.
Author irc333 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 I DO NOT, however, think that needing to be physically attracted to one's mate is "superficial." Yeah, but mid-50's, peoples looks are kind of starting to wane, if not already. By that time, the short and/or bald 50 something year old man would ask out a mid-50's woman, and refusing to date him People tend to focus on what does NOT matter when finding a mate, more so than what DOES matter. I figured that some people come to that realization at least in their 40's, when half their life is gone, but if you're in a retirement community, where people age tot he point where they're all starting to look alike, well, one can't afford to be too picky.
AlexDP Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Heh, I can see that you are opinionated You don't seem to hold high regard for men. And that can start to explain having no desire to be in a relationship with one. Still there is companionship, somebody who talks and acts differently than your girlfriends, can open jars and move sofas and don't forget about sex. This thread just makes me think of the girl I'm infatuated with. She just doesn't want to be in a relationship with anybody, and I can't understand why. We're already good friends so why not take it to the next level? I just think she's scared of becoming vulnerable. No, she isn't. She just doesn't like you.
Author irc333 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 No, settling as in, my friends roomate has posters of the Tokyo Hotel guys all over her dorm room. She's single and never had a boyfriend. Why? Because none of the guys in real life are that pretty. I had female friend that I've known for a smester. On Valentines Day she posted a status update to her Facebook on how she was she was sad about being single. A couple of days later I sent her a message suggesting that we get lunch. She ended up giving me the run around. She didn't want to "settle" for me. VERY good example, I sometimes see these whiny facebook posts from women on V-day or New Years, announcing, "I don't have a date (sniff), I wish I had someone I can snuggle up with" only to get bombarded by getting hit on, lol THeir own relatives and friends even think they have unreasonable expectations....now when your friends and family start thinking like that....then the problem is with the OVERLY picky person. I actually think some of tehse women that are turning down "average joes" are probably attracted to them, but thinking they can do so much better. So, it's not that they're NOT attracted, its as if they can do SO much better.
oaks Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Man, I thought women had an age limit, where they realize, "Hey, I'm <years old> , better start changing my superficial criteria!" Isn't that basically the same as saying "Hey, I'd better start dating people I don't find attractive"? Where's the point in that?
rafallus Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Why are you so worried about strangers' dating life? If they turn you down, that's it, none of your business to see, what they're up to. If they want to not have anybody in their life - so be it. If it was just an excuse to blow you off, and you see them with somebody else, you have a blow to your ego to deal with. Unnecessary one, on top of that.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 By that time, the short and/or bald 50 something year old man would ask out a mid-50's woman, and refusing to date him Probably not. These are the guys who are hitting on 30-somethings refusing to 'settle' for someone their own age.
Author irc333 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Isn't that basically the same as saying "Hey, I'd better start dating people I don't find attractive"? Where's the point in that? Actually no, chances are these women find these men attractive, but think they could do better.
oaks Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Actually no, chances are these women find these men attractive, but think they could do better. Ahh. I get you now. They think they could do better but ultimately fail to do that. Oh well, it won't keep me awake at night. Meanwhile, I'm off for a date. Or, I suspect, off to be stood up. We'll see.
iris219 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Actually no, chances are these women find these men attractive, but think they could do better. No, this doesn't happen. In my experience, women aren’t picky enough. A poster before gave a list of 5 criteria a guy must fulfill. I’ve never found a man who fulfilled all of these, so I only have 2 criteria: 1. I need to find him attractive 2. I need to find him interesting/intriguing in some way, and therefore like spending time with him. That’s it. Then I have to hope he doesn't have a bunch of negative traits, like unemployed, alcoholic commitment phobe (which he often does). In that case, I have to move on. It's difficult for women to find a man we're attracted to. I've never heard of a woman rejecting a guy she's attracted to unless he was a total loser (see above), and even then some women stick around for awhile.
somedude81 Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 No, she isn't. She just doesn't like you. Definitely. That perfectly explains why she's a 22 year old virgin who's never had a boyfriend and never dated anybody at all. Why didn't I think of that?
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