Movingthrough Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Hello again everyone, I wish that my last few posts were more positive, but i have no one to blame but myself. I have always had all the answers, but i have never been able to really feel them. I ended up seeing my ex about a month ago, something i needed to do, something that even now as iam in pain, i know needed to happen. Needless to say when i left, she confessed her "love" and continued to text me/email me everyday for over a week. I finally answered and told her that i would not be her second man (she was dating someone) and she either looks at what she has for me or we wont have anything. She breaks up with her boyfriend, we have great conversation for a week and i wake up to an email basically saying she is going back to him. The things that she said about him to me are summarized as "my heart doesnt have him", "i was living a fake life", "my facebook was used to make it look like love", "my heart for the past year was always with you". She deleted her facebook when they split and admitted (for the first time ever) all her mistakes and the fact that she needed to fix herself. It was amazing to me that she could grow so much............but wait. The minute she told me she was going to try it again with him, her facebook was back up and the fakeness i guess is prevailing. Going into this again i really had no expectations, but im human and it hurts to think that this could happen again. Part of me feels very relieved, i cant be with someone that can make me hurt so bad, but i have a huge problem with her "fake" life, i feel like in the middle of my pain, she is traveling and living a life that at least "covers" the areas to avoid pain. Maybe im jealous that she can get away with it so to speak. I figured coming here was best instead of answering her email, i appreciate all your replies in advance and im def. hurting.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Either she is throwing a ***** load of bread crumbs, or she simply has no idea what she wants. possibly a combination of both. "you never truly know someone, until they breakup with you."
mike588 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Hello again everyone, I wish that my last few posts were more positive, but i have no one to blame but myself. I have always had all the answers, but i have never been able to really feel them. I ended up seeing my ex about a month ago, something i needed to do, something that even now as iam in pain, i know needed to happen. Needless to say when i left, she confessed her "love" and continued to text me/email me everyday for over a week. I finally answered and told her that i would not be her second man (she was dating someone) and she either looks at what she has for me or we wont have anything. She breaks up with her boyfriend, we have great conversation for a week and i wake up to an email basically saying she is going back to him. The things that she said about him to me are summarized as "my heart doesnt have him", "i was living a fake life", "my facebook was used to make it look like love", "my heart for the past year was always with you". She deleted her facebook when they split and admitted (for the first time ever) all her mistakes and the fact that she needed to fix herself. It was amazing to me that she could grow so much............but wait. The minute she told me she was going to try it again with him, her facebook was back up and the fakeness i guess is prevailing. Going into this again i really had no expectations, but im human and it hurts to think that this could happen again. Part of me feels very relieved, i cant be with someone that can make me hurt so bad, but i have a huge problem with her "fake" life, i feel like in the middle of my pain, she is traveling and living a life that at least "covers" the areas to avoid pain. Maybe im jealous that she can get away with it so to speak. I figured coming here was best instead of answering her email, i appreciate all your replies in advance and im def. hurting. Oh I feel your pain and frustration. I'm going thru something about the same. The way I see it is that she still loves the other guy more, she has issues and does'nt know what she wants.It's best you let her go and not play this game of back and forth. She has made the decision. You have already expressed your feelings, (you won't be the second guy) if for some reason you still want her go back to N.C and stick with it and see what happens,, just don't give her your heart to fast.
wilsonx Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Hello again everyone, I wish that my last few posts were more positive, but i have no one to blame but myself. I have always had all the answers, but i have never been able to really feel them. I ended up seeing my ex about a month ago, something i needed to do, something that even now as iam in pain, i know needed to happen. Needless to say when i left, she confessed her "love" and continued to text me/email me everyday for over a week. I finally answered and told her that i would not be her second man (she was dating someone) and she either looks at what she has for me or we wont have anything. She breaks up with her boyfriend, we have great conversation for a week and i wake up to an email basically saying she is going back to him. The things that she said about him to me are summarized as "my heart doesnt have him", "i was living a fake life", "my facebook was used to make it look like love", "my heart for the past year was always with you". She deleted her facebook when they split and admitted (for the first time ever) all her mistakes and the fact that she needed to fix herself. It was amazing to me that she could grow so much............but wait. The minute she told me she was going to try it again with him, her facebook was back up and the fakeness i guess is prevailing. Going into this again i really had no expectations, but im human and it hurts to think that this could happen again. Part of me feels very relieved, i cant be with someone that can make me hurt so bad, but i have a huge problem with her "fake" life, i feel like in the middle of my pain, she is traveling and living a life that at least "covers" the areas to avoid pain. Maybe im jealous that she can get away with it so to speak. I figured coming here was best instead of answering her email, i appreciate all your replies in advance and im def. hurting. What you do not realize is she will feel the pain. Trust me, I have a lot of female friends that ARE relationship jumpers like this. The thing is, you need to move on from it. You NEED to stick NC permanently for the rest of your life. Is it hard absolutely but this is something you NEED to do for you. These girls (and guys) have a lot of internal demons that they dont want to battle. Its not your job either to be captain fix a hoe. It's your job to learn from this mistake see the red flags and not to repeat them
mike588 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Once again Wilson hits the nail on the head.So true. Hey Wilson what do you mean when you say, they will feel the pain in regards to dumping you and going back to an ex? I know but ,,, I don't know.
wilsonx Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 One of my friends that I work with is the poster child, for Grass is Greener. Anytime she sees a problem in the relationship, she looks for another patch of grass on the other side of the fence and just jumps. Her and I have had many discussions on this behavior. That's how she is and she thinks its ok and I cant disagree with her. At the same time, I am a lot more emotionally mature and just jumping the fence because of a problem doesn't solve set problem. After the obsession/honeymoon phase wears off she has said wow this is dumb many times and have tried going back to the original ex. Usually when that happens they have moved on and she said it hurts, it hurts just like a breakup. I made a dumb mistake. The thing is, she knows she makes these mistakes time and time again, she even broke up with her fiance who she had a kid with to try dating his best friend out and he caught her and him. But what I am saying is their behavior never changes, they constantly continue to jump the fence if there's a problem. That's why you stay away from relationship jumpers.
mike588 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) One of my friends that I work with is the poster child, for Grass is Greener. Anytime she sees a problem in the relationship, she looks for another patch of grass on the other side of the fence and just jumps. Her and I have had many discussions on this behavior. That's how she is and she thinks its ok and I cant disagree with her. At the same time, I am a lot more emotionally mature and just jumping the fence because of a problem doesn't solve set problem. After the obsession/honeymoon phase wears off she has said wow this is dumb many times and have tried going back to the original ex. Usually when that happens they have moved on and she said it hurts, it hurts just like a breakup. I made a dumb mistake. The thing is, she knows she makes these mistakes time and time again, she even broke up with her fiance who she had a kid with to try dating his best friend out and he caught her and him. But what I am saying is their behavior never changes, they constantly continue to jump the fence if there's a problem. That's why you stay away from relationship jumpers. Thanks for your feedback. You have responded to several of my posts where my now ex g/f left me after 10 months to go back to her ex b/f. This is the 3rd time back to him, she did the breaking up with him. I heard all the crap that I was the best thing to come along in her life, she love me etc. etc. Now that I'm healing I really don't want her back but am so curious if she will try to come back to me after some time,?? I really treated her well. Ever heard of an ex (my now ex)going back to an ex,, then back to the other ex? (Me) Thanks again so much. Edited September 16, 2011 by mike588
wilsonx Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) <-------------------- YUP (see the arrow)... See the result... I am posting here... so you put 2+2 together and learn from it without having to deal with it AGAIN Except I did not know her ex was her ex, I do now lol Ever heard of an ex (my now ex)going back to an ex,, then back to the other ex? (Me) Edited September 16, 2011 by wilsonx
mike588 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) <-------------------- YUP (see the arrow)... See the result... I am posting here... so you put 2+2 together and learn from it without having to deal with it AGAIN Except I did not know her ex was her ex, I do now lol Sorry but I don't really understand your answer. Yup? Can you be alittle more clear if that may happen? I assume your saying ,, yes? She will come back? Oh no! I really don't want to deal with the temptation! I can only hope it will be many months down the road,, that way I will be 100% over her. Edited September 16, 2011 by mike588
Author Movingthrough Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 One of my friends that I work with is the poster child, for Grass is Greener. Anytime she sees a problem in the relationship, she looks for another patch of grass on the other side of the fence and just jumps. Her and I have had many discussions on this behavior. That's how she is and she thinks its ok and I cant disagree with her. At the same time, I am a lot more emotionally mature and just jumping the fence because of a problem doesn't solve set problem. After the obsession/honeymoon phase wears off she has said wow this is dumb many times and have tried going back to the original ex. Usually when that happens they have moved on and she said it hurts, it hurts just like a breakup. I made a dumb mistake. The thing is, she knows she makes these mistakes time and time again, she even broke up with her fiance who she had a kid with to try dating his best friend out and he caught her and him. But what I am saying is their behavior never changes, they constantly continue to jump the fence if there's a problem. That's why you stay away from relationship jumpers. That is the one thing that has helped me through this, the fact that i really cant see her ever really being what i want. I have gone through a lot of pain with this, but the funny part is, that pain has "proved" what this is, which is not what i want right now. I actually somewhat feel bad for her and bad for the guy, i mean this guy has no idea how much she has been on me, just to dump him, go to me, leave me again and go to him. I mean really that is a joke. One of my biggest issues has been comparting to her life, because on the surface she is living what i wanted with her with that guy, but i see now that its all fake. She would take pictures with him on a mountaintop in love, then the next day tell me she misses me.....that is messed up for him...but it is amazing to me that people are like this.......??
Way2blue Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I don't understand how people can do that. It always takes me awhile to get me back before I get into something else. Once you step in something gross why would you step in it again?
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