Thieves Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (This is basically me talking to myself, so if you get weirded out, it's understandable. ) I know I have to face the facts on this whole situation. There are a few things I need to realize. One is that this isn't what I imagine love to be like. And I don't mean that in a "I was brainwashed by society and pop culture to believe love was something it's not", but I mean that this isn't even what I imagine my realistic view of love to be like. I shouldn't have to chase this hard after someone for so long, wait on someone for so long who shows hardly any signs of truly caring in return. I shouldn't have to wonder everyday if he's thinking of me, if he cares, if he still likes me, if he really meant it "that time" when he said "that hurtful thing". I shouldn't have to always read between the lines. Isn't love above all of these things? I mean true love? The truth is he isn't putting in any effort. And if he decides to, why would it have taken him so very long? I need to stop denying that he doesn't care for me in that way anymore. I need to stop deceiving myself that despite him saying he doesn't want me, rubbing other girls in my face, not talking to me for weeks at a time, etc. - that maybe he still wants me. Even if he did apologize for all of that, it still happened. Would a person who really wants you and care for you do that...continually? So it's time for me to really face this. Despite all his wrongs, he's still human and a generally good man with a slightly messed up past, but one who deserves to find his true love, his dream girl. I can't keep intruding, even secretly, if he's trying to do that. I'm just hurting myself more too. What we both felt was legit, but it wasn't in the cards for us, simple as that. Another thing: the physical distance between us. He hasn't seemed too quick to work on that, or fix it. He said it wasn't realistic. Even if he's now closer to me than he ever was before. Enough said. Last thing I need to face is the age difference. It's not that big, only about 4 years. He's 24, I'm 20. But we met when we were younger, when I was immature and didn't know how to express my passion for someone. Because of this I understand why he was very hurt, and for that alone, he deserves someone who will return his feelings with no doubt. In a way I'll be happy for him. But I'm human, and I make mistakes. And I deserve someone whose feelings are mutual too. I need to stop this emotional push and pull. It's totally over, and I need to fully accept that. No one has to reply to this or anything, these are just a few thoughts I'm writing down to purge out of my system. It helps to put it out there sometimes.
Buttercup84 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 You sound like a really mature woman. he really lost a good one . Good luck xxx
Besmy Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Hi sweetie, you're so young! It hurts at your age, of course, but believe me, please believe me, you will have other men (plural !!) in your life, men who are more mature and will be able to give you what you need. You have your entire life and the beauty of youth on your side, so please smile! Go out, have fun and forget about this immature baby-boy ! An in a few years time you will look back and have a laugh. Don't waste any more time thinking about someone who does not deserve you and does not appreciate you. Somebody said "don't throw pearls to swine". That's so true!
Fleabitten Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I too am learning the hard way that if somebody isn't prepared to take responsibility for their negative actions in a relationship, you can't make them. And I'm a lot older than you. You will find someone who is going to be all the things you want - and until then, have fun. You're so young (and I really don't mean that in a patronising way). "Pearls to swine" indeed (my mums favourite expression - I've never heard it in English before Besmy - I'm Swedish but have lived in the UK for near on 15 years. Its an awesome saying.)
Author Thieves Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 You sound like a really mature woman. he really lost a good one . Good luck xxx Thank you. I've just had a lot of time to think about this, that's all. A little too much time... Hi sweetie, you're so young! It hurts at your age, of course, but believe me, please believe me, you will have other men (plural !!) in your life, men who are more mature and will be able to give you what you need. Hey I'm young, I know, I knooow. Haha. But I can't help how I feel, you know? 'Cause to be honest, I'm kinda picky with the guys I like. And he was the first guy I was truly nuts over. I know one day I'll look back at him and laugh, in fact I'm already halfway there.. I can feel it. It's a weird feeling. But thanks so much for the nice words. Really, it's funny, we only just knew of each other today or yesterday but I already feel like I can look up to you. You will find someone who is going to be all the things you want - and until then, have fun. You're so young (and I really don't mean that in a patronising way). Don't worry, no offense taken. And yes, I'm very ready to approach the day I find that 'one man' who makes it all worth it. Veeery ready.. it's just the waiting part that's so damn hard.
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