idontunderstan Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I've posted on another forum site for about a week and I just want maybe some new insight...even though I'm sure it'll be the same. I'm 17 years and met my first really seriously girlfriend a year and a half ago. In the beginning things were amazing and we fell in love quickly and the first 6 months we felt we were soul mates, we wanted to get married and planned our future together. I changed a lot of things about myself to fit her needs and I did a lot of stuff for her, she was controlling but I was blinded by love at that point, up until the break up... Things were perfect, besides the controlling part and she could be immensely mean at times, it scared me sometimes... So since March things have been up and down and then she broke up with me on the 26th of August saying she no longer wanted a boyfriend. The first two days we talked back and forth and I was heart broken...even though I saw it coming for months. She said it wasn't only hard for me and we cried together on the phone one night... So about a week past and she was already moved on basically. This hurt more because I wasn't and I felt betrayed. Well the betrayed feeling continued to grow and grow and we began texting and talking less and less. I'm trying no contact but it's so hard because we have two classes and have assigned seats right next to each other. I noticed how annoyed she got when I texted her but I couldn't help it and the other day she told me it was hard for her not to hate me when I annoy her... Well this annoyance thing has always been a problem. She has difficulty tolerating ANYONE for a long period of time and it's amazing that she could put up with me for a year and a half. I don't want her to hate me, but I can't help but feel like **** when I see her adding all these people on Facebook, and she won't even add me, when I see her post things like "single for the first time in 18 months, it's high school, it was bound to happen" and her friend telling me that she is talking to a new guy and said she likes him....thought she didn't want a boyfriend? Well if it was bound to happen then why would you lead me on for a year and a half? Although she doesn't admit it, she is greatly influenced by her family and takes everything they say as truth, and her family is cracked in many ways, though I'd never tell her that... because she'd get angry. A few months prior to dumping me she talked about how her family and her mother doesn't see us as "a couple" and just as friends and she was like so that's why I dont say your my boyfriend or that I have a boyfriend. That hurt me greatly, obviously. I didn't get it...How could she not see the hurt that it caused me that she would care more about how her family saw her than how she cared about me? There is so much more I can say but my heart is hurting right now. I can't even get the courage to go to schooll......it's really bad but I'm terrified to face her because evertime I see her I just want to confess my love and tell her she's beautiful. I don't see hope for getting back together and she has reassured me there is none but that doesn't mean Im not sad. Im trying to move on and for a while I was doing good but things just crashed down every day....
Dark Phoenix Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Are either of you seniors? my high school mixed the classes together in some cases, the behaviour of your ex makes me think she has a lot of BPD traits (borderline personality disorder). There is a GIGS thread on this forum (Grass is Greener Syndrome) that you can search for and compare your ex-girlfriend's behaviour with, it may help you come to a conclusion. As for your classes together, act civil and don't show her that you are hurting. Don't engage in conversation with her unless it is school related, and do not bring up your past relationship with her. I assume you just started the school year within the past month, you may be able to change your schedule so you do not have those classes with her (might need to see the guidance counsellor and let them know what is going on). Or you could talk to your teachers and let them know about what is going on (in private of course), any decent teacher would understand and change your assigned seat.
Author idontunderstan Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Thanks for the reply. Yes, im a senior and she is a junior. I've always wondered if she had some kind of personality disorder but never said anything because fear of what she'd say, and well I'm only 17, what do I know about psychological disorders? I do know, however, is that all her family is the same. I've been at her house when her and her sisters and fighting with extreme anger and her mom hardly does much to intervene. There have been points where I just wanted to leave but couldn't because they'd probably think I hated them. As for changing classes, it's probably too late and here is the problem with the no contact during class. I honestly, just naturally, try to not talk to her but she gets offended because I know she cares about me, even though its hard to realize that sometimes. So she wants to be able to talk to me and she "tries" to be nice, but it's hard for me to talk about with fear of saying the wrong thing or looking at her the wrong way. I want so badly to be able to talk and be normal but its hard. She'll get mad at me for not talking to her in person but when I text her she get's mad, so is there no compromise here? I really just want to talk to her alone and come to an understanding because we have never got to do that since the breakup.
Author idontunderstan Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Are either of you seniors? my high school mixed the classes together in some cases, the behaviour of your ex makes me think she has a lot of BPD traits (borderline personality disorder). There is a GIGS thread on this forum (Grass is Greener Syndrome) that you can search for and compare your ex-girlfriend's behaviour with, it may help you come to a conclusion. I just looked up GIGS and.... that is EXACTLY what was happening.... I feel a little better knowing that there is atleast a word(s) for it. I have only read one post regarding it but intend on looking at more.. I have a btter understanding now of what she going through...i know that everytime I text her it pushes her away and I haven't for 48 hours. Haven't even seen or talked to her because I havent gone to school....I know it's really bad... The only thing I truly wanted was to understand what she was feeling...I wish I could've heard it from her, but I guess now I atleast slightly know.
Recommended Posts