Girl gaining weight

[Leigh 87]

D - lish - I was also a chubby teenager! Also, both my parents are on the higher end of the BMI scale.

 

I have spent years figuring out how thin I can be, while still being mentally healthy. Although I am a normal build, I still find 125 - 120 lbs is easy enough for me, without losing my mind at all.

 

I tried being lower than 120 lbs, and was 116 or lower for the past 5 or 6 years... I did not have to starve, but I was not as mentally healthy as I could have been.

 

My boyfriend, like the OP, simply wants me to be healthy. We love sex, and of course he wants me to be sexy for him, but in a way that is healthy and realistic; he hates obsessive women who work out hours a day, UNLESS they genuinely do have an interest in being very active, like LITTLE TIGER.

 

I am lucky to have a boyfriend who does not demand a models physique; he likes me at 125 more than he did at 116, as my body is still sexy, and my mind is healthy.

 

I am sure the OP simply wants a girl who gives a damn about trying to be healthy, and also who cares about being sexy for her boyfriend. Being sexy, to spice up your sexy life, is only ONE aspect of course, to a relationship, and the things u do for your partner....

 

Personally, I am really motivated to try to keep in shape for my boyfriend! I do not just do it for him, I like being sexy as it makes me feel confifent, and the high of exercise and being healthy, and then having a body that shows the rewards of being healthy, is GREAT fun.

[AlexDP]

Whoa, that's WELL above average in terms of your exercise, even when you only consider people who regularly exercise--the "average" amount of exercise people get is little to none. What does your training 5 days a week consist of, and what game do you play?

 

The game is soccer, the training is mixed. It consists of weight lifting, soccer drills and lots and lots of sprinting. So yes, I probably burn far more calories than most people, also because the sprinting is very good for your metabolism, but 1800 calories? Damn.. Not sure if I could survive on that little food.

[Leigh 87]

I really think that it helps a lot, if BOTH people in a relationship, LIKE to get sexy for their partners...

 

For me, meaningful sex is one of the best things about a relationship! I think it is a lot of fun, trying to set personal goals, physically speaking!

 

I am talking about, perhaps, trying tennis once a week. Or, getting a PT twice a week if u get a bonus at work, and enjoy the thrill of improving things!

 

I am lucky to have a body that is healthy; two legs, attractive enough to make my boyfriend happy sexually.. I want to makie the most of it, and not let career and other choices, make me not have time to enjoy being active.

 

I think that most people get caught up in their career and other such things.... That trying to do be sexy for the partners slips their priority list. I honestly think that even trying a little to work on your diet and exercise routine, in order to make small improvements, does WONDERS for the relationship.

 

I am not suggesting spend hours at the gym.. I mean just adding two - three days a week of an hour of exercise, and perhaps doing the abdoninal plank 5 nights a week for 30 seconds. Even an hour and a half of exercise a week, in addition to trying that ab exercise for a mere 30 seconds 5 days a week, IS ENOUGH to notice small resuts:) ( providing u do not over eat grossly).

 

 

I would really just be upfront with your girlfriend, and tell her the facts; while the majority of a relationship is based on internal factors, that it is a heck of a lot more fun, if both partners make an EFFORT with the bodies! That while u do not want a model, u are turned off by her lack of pride and effort she makes. Simply eating cleaner and exercising for a mere 30 mins 3 days a week would be fine. DOing nothing, however, points to an unehalthty lifestyle, and that is not suited to YOU.

 

Your not being shallow.. u do not want a model or very attractive person who works out for hours... u simply want you girflriend to not be a slob, and exercise enough to be healthy.

 

sheesh. Enough with the " shallow" comments.....

[make me believe]

Did you read everything I've said here or just pick out one post and decide to jump the gun and make an attack?

 

Actually, if you read back, I was a chubby teenager, and was always on the curvy side most of my life- and by curvy, I mean, bordering on chubby.

 

I lost 50 lbs after my divorce in my early 30's from being so stressed and depressed. I got way too thin, then levelled out at a weight I am happy with.

 

I've worked my butt off to maintain that weight for the last 8 years.

 

I'm not naturally thin by any means- I work at it, and I work hard at it.

The bottom line is that you have to make sacrifices and work hard at controlling what you put in your mouth- I struggle with that every day. I just have great willpower, I count calories, and I walk a lot.

 

If I gave in to everything I felt like eating, I'd be 160lbs again instead of 120lbs.

 

Our bodies are all different, how we gain and lose weight is different.

All I can tell you is that I don't have some natural perpensity for being thin- if anything, after meeting my biological mother and her side of the family, everyone is overweight.

 

So please don't make assumptions from reading one post.

 

I think a lot of people like to convince themselves that thin people are thin because they are "built that way." It's an easy cop-out. Anyone can say "well I'm just not built the same way she is, I CAN'T be thin like that." I've heard it many times from people who I know for a fact never work out and eat like crap. It's just another excuse. Same with this age crap. First of all, the girl the OP is talking about is 28 years old! "Aging" did not make her gain weight in the 4-5 months they've been together.

 

Lots of people put on a few lbs in the beginning of a relationship. What they do with that extra weight will tell you a lot. With my ex I gained about 15 lbs when we started dating (I am the same height/weight as you, 5'7" 120lbs), and when I saw a picture of myself in a bikini, I was NOT happy! So I cut back on the beer & pizza, added some exercise to my life, got back to my preferred weight & have stayed there ever since. It's a choice. Sure we can't all have the exact same body, but if someone is overweight its not just because they are "built that way" and it's impossible for them to look any different.

[LittleTiger]

I am the same height/weight as you, 5'7" 120lbs

 

I don't know if US height/weight recommendations are different from those in the UK, but both you and D-Lish would be classified as underweight here.

 

There is, of course, some 'wiggle room' when it comes to the charts but that's only because everybody has a different 'build'. To be/look healthy at the size you are, you must have a very slender frame. Either that, or you like to look 'skinny'.

[LittleTiger]

been sexy and skinny is every girl's dream.

 

No it isn't.

[pureinheart]

The girl I've been seeing has put on some weight. Her eating habits have gotten worse and she isn't as active lately. It seems to be getting worse, and my physical attraction to her is waning. I don't expect a bikini model's body, but health and fitness is an important part of my life.

 

How do I tactfully bring this up? I've suggested that we work out together to both get in better shape, but she begs off because she doesn't like going to the gym or playing sports.

 

I haven't read the rest of your thread, nor how it has progressed, although want to say that this could happen to anyone at any time for many reasons. There is so much being put into the foods today, stress and many other factors really screw with our systems physically and mentally.

 

I would say if you are loosing physical attraction then there is mostlikely not much there for a lasting relationship regardless of weight or no weight. It sounds like it is more physical than anything, so I would encourage you to let her know that it is purely physical so that she doesn't have false hope of a longer, stable relationship.

[pureinheart]

Ok...read some of the thread and have to say it's not always about will power, lack of self esteem or other reasonable theories.

 

My thyroid dictates my weight most of the time...it sucks

[Cypress25]

Actually, if you read back, I was a chubby teenager, and was always on the curvy side most of my life- and by curvy, I mean, bordering on chubby.

 

You described yourself as being 5'7" and 135-140 pounds during your teen years. That's not chubby, that's normal. If you could accept a normal, healthy weight, you wouldn't have to struggle to stay underweight all the time.

 

I don't know if US height/weight recommendations are different from those in the UK, but both you and D-Lish would be classified as underweight here.

 

It's at the very edge of underweight. 5'7" and 120 pounds is a BMI of 18.8. Anything below 18.5 is classified as underweight. I think it's dangerous to suggest that anyone can be borderline underweight if they just work hard enough. No one should be striving for that anyway.

 

maybe Sofia Vergara is medium frame. But I don't know why you would assume the media isn't fibbing about her weight. For some odd reason, it's pretty customary for any star to say they weight 125. It's a tradition out there.

 

I don't know who that is so I had to look her up. If she is indeed 5'7" there's no way in hell she weighs 125. Not with curves like that. They've also said that Jennifer Lopez (at 5'6") weighs 120. Um, no she doesn't. And she's hot, there's nothing wrong with her weight, clearly.

 

Portion sizes these days are massive. In the 1950s the average portion size was 4 oz or 1/2 cup. People were thinner back then and being obese was very rare.

 

It's true that people were thinner back then. But how much thinner? In the 1950s, the average dress size for a woman was size 8 (US). Not a size 2, as so many girls are striving for these days. Obesity was rare back then, but waifs were equally rare. Even models didn't have to be rail-thin back then.

 

With my ex I gained about 15 lbs when we started dating (I am the same height/weight as you, 5'7" 120lbs), and when I saw a picture of myself in a bikini, I was NOT happy!

 

Those extra 15 pounds would have put you at 135, which is exactly what a 5'7" girl should weigh. You were not overweight. So if you got up to a normal weight by overeating, then you are indeed naturally thin.

 

So I cut back on the beer & pizza, added some exercise to my life, got back to my preferred weight & have stayed there ever since.

 

This is what most 5'7" women would have to do just to get down to 135. If they wanted to lose more weight, they'd have to cut out a lot more food and add a lot more exercise. But there's no reason to do that because 135 is a perfectly healthy weight at that height.

 

the girl the OP is talking about is 28 years old! "Aging" did not make her gain weight in the 4-5 months they've been together.

 

She's probably a yo-yo dieter. People like that spend half their life on a diet and they cycle in weight. They diet strictly for a few months and lose a lot of weight, but their diet is too strict and they can't maintain it, so they eventually gain the weight back and stay that way for a few months, until they start another diet. Where they are in the cycle has nothing to do with being single or having a boyfriend. The dieting cycle ends when they just can't take it anymore. The OP probably started dating her when she was in the middle of a diet cycle. And now she's in the middle of the "gain it all back" cycle. It's a miserable way to live, but I wouldn't call those people lazy.

 

Or maybe she recently started a new birth control pill. OP, she's not on the Depo shot, is she? That makes everyone fat.

[xxoo]

It's true that people were thinner back then. But how much thinner? In the 1950s, the average dress size for a woman was size 8 (US). Not a size 2, as so many girls are striving for these days. Obesity was rare back then, but waifs were equally rare. Even models didn't have to be rail-thin back then.

 

Have you tried on vintage clothes? A 1950s size 8 is similar to a current 2/4 in many stores. The waists were tiny!

 

Or maybe she recently started a new birth control pill. OP, she's not on the Depo shot, is she? That makes everyone fat.

 

Very good point. Hormonal birth control affects weight more than people realize.

 

OP--if this relationship is only a few months old, you are still in the "getting to know you" phase. It may be that the true her is a couch potato, and that is incompatible with your lifestyle. Without any judgment of her weight or her lifestyle, this is would be good information for you to have before getting more serious.

 

Talk about your concerns (lifestyle issues, not weight necessarily), and then really listen to her point of view. Don't try to mold her into something she is not.

[FitChick]

It's true that people were thinner back then. But how much thinner? In the 1950s, the average dress size for a woman was size 8 (US). Not a size 2, as so many girls are striving for these days. Obesity was rare back then, but waifs were equally rare. Even models didn't have to be rail-thin back then.

 

Thank you, xxoo, for addressing the difference in clothing sizes in the Fifties.

 

Fashion models have always been thin. Here are just three of the top models of the Fifties.

 

Lisa Fonssagrives

Dovima

 

Jean Patchett

 

Fashion models are like racehorses -- genetically gifted.

Edited September 18, 2011 by FitChick

[D-Lish]

Thank you, xxoo, for addressing the difference in clothing sizes in the Fifties.

 

Fashion models have always been thin. Here are just three of the top models of the Fifties.

 

Lisa Fonssagrives

[/url]

Dovima

 

Jean Patchett

 

Fashion models are like racehorses -- genetically gifted.

 

Before I got married, when I was about 130lbs at 5'7", my mom gave me her original wedding dress just to try on.

 

Effing thing wouldn't pull over my thighs:lmao:

 

It was a size 8.

[Cypress25]

Fashion models have always been thin. Here are just three of the top models of the Fifties.

They were thin, but most of them didn't look like this:

 

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTI_au-MYFiab3hSh9W16GTRoT1xQ-yLuGQ1NwdYxZLM6lCyNNG

 

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRrizW-K0PLL-T1BuhS9irVmWClGcMrSQohJpb-6NJINhN24bc7aQ

 

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRqz0HUh13gAXlpybSqy344ZeQd7g0X35nwB7MNYLhcYtmVx_ljNQ

 

 

Twiggy started that trend in the 60s. Models in the 50s were still supposed to have curves. Hence the corsets.

[daphne]

I think it's fairly clear that at 28 the OP's gf is not struggling from age related weight gain. I think she maybe like a friend of mine who would work out a lot until she thought she snagged a guy, then she'd gain 15+ pounds instantly. She's the same age. And unfortunately for her, the guys disappear soon thereafter.

 

I have always been somewhat on the thinner side, but as I've gotten older, I have to work out more, eat smaller portions and make better choices in the types of food I eat. I don't eat out as nearly as often as I used to, and when I do I eat 1/3 to 1/2 of the meal since American restaurants serve ridiculous portions with a ton of fat in them. It's what Americans like.

 

I know some people have to watch what they eat more than I do, but that doesn't mean I sit on my butt and eat as much ice cream as I want to and stay thin. I choose a disciplined approach, that usually involves exercise, little processed foods, lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grain, little red meat and smaller portions.

[oaks]

Fashion models are like racehorses -- genetically gifted freaks of nature.

 

Fixed that for you.

[Carlos S]

I'm curious to know what happened, if I may. Did you confront her?

[FitChick]

Before I got married, when I was about 130lbs at 5'7", my mom gave me her original wedding dress just to try on.

 

Effing thing wouldn't pull over my thighs:lmao:

 

It was a size 8.

 

When I was in high school and very thin, I tried on one of my mom's work suits from her single days. I couldn't fasten the skirt button because it was for a 24" waist. I was 5'8" and she was 5'4." The suit was a size 10. She used to brag, "When I was single, I was a perfect size 10." It's what women aspired to in the Forties and Fifties. The sexy figure was always described, usually by a man using his hands to trace an hourglass in the air, as 36-24-36.

 

Fashions change throughout history. In about five years the perfect figure will be shaped like a beach ball.

[D-Lish]

When I was in high school and very thin, I tried on one of my mom's work suits from her single days. I couldn't fasten the skirt button because it was for a 24" waist. I was 5'8" and she was 5'4." The suit was a size 10. She used to brag, "When I was single, I was a perfect size 10." It's what women aspired to in the Forties and Fifties. The sexy figure was always described, usually by a man using his hands to trace an hourglass in the air, as 36-24-36.

 

Fashions change throughout history. In about five years the perfect figure will be shaped like a beach ball.

 

It just shows you how big- and how much bigger we are getting in NA.

I'm really thin, and sometimes I buy from H&M, I wear a 6-8 there... I always wonder who is fitting into the 0-2-4 range???

 

I'm pretty tiny at 5"7 125 lbs. I'm buying an 8? Who is fitting into those 2's?

[FitChick]

Women who are 5'4" or shorter. Interesting article about an experiment Tim Gunn did with sizes from the past twenty years.

[xxoo]

Women who are 5'4" or shorter..

 

Yep. I'm petite and thin, and take the smallest sizes. I seek out brands with sizes smaller than the standard 4/6, because I swim in that.

 

But a vintage 8 fits me just fine

[Kamille]

I had an appointment with a doctor yesterday and I asked her: is my frame small, medium or large? She said : definitely medium. My frame is proportional for my height, and in the average percentile of Canadian women. She also considers my weight perfectly healthy.

 

It should be pointed out that women today also tend to be taller than women in the 50s. As such, the size 8 was probably not designed for a 5'7 or 5'8 woman, but for a 5'4 one. And I just read on a site where someone sells vintage clothes that women usually wore corsets at the time, especially when wearing evening gowns. The site owner put it thus: "Women would force their bodies to fit the dresses".

[serial muse]

It just shows you how big- and how much bigger we are getting in NA.

I'm really thin, and sometimes I buy from H&M, I wear a 6-8 there... I always wonder who is fitting into the 0-2-4 range???

 

I'm pretty tiny at 5"7 125 lbs. I'm buying an 8? Who is fitting into those 2's?

 

Haha, I shop at H&M too sometimes, but I can't ever buy their pants. They really aren't cut for an adult woman's body shape (and I DON'T mean fat, but generally wider hips); I think a lot of their clothes are just aimed at teenagers. It's kind of like shopping at a 5-7-9.

[FitChick]

I just read on a site where someone sells vintage clothes that women usually wore corsets at the time, especially when wearing evening gowns. The site owner put it thus: "Women would force their bodies to fit the dresses".

 

Most women who were mildly overweight wore girdles (like Spanx) which flattened everything out so they had one butt cheek instead of two (like a sausage). If corsets were meant to be worn with evening gowns, no one I knew ever wore one because there were few to no formal affairs. Sorry, it's a red herring in the argument as to whether people today are fatter than in the past.

[FitChick]

Haha, I shop at H&M too sometimes

 

I like H&M because they go by measurements most of the time -- 36, 38, 40. No worries about vanity sizing. A size 38 is always a size 38. All clothing should be sold like men's clothing, according to measurements. Maybe women would stop living in denial.

[Calutaxi484]

I just went and punched in some numbers to see really how much age differences really account for BMR.

5'5 Female

135lbs

Age 15 :1477 Calories per day

Age 20 :1453

Age 25 :1430

Age 30 :1406

Age 35 :1383

Age 40 :1359

Age 50 :1312

 

So basically over a 35 year period her daily calorie needs change by less then 200 calories per day. Essentially the metabolism theory is pretty much BS. A womans basic caloric needs change by 47 daily calories throughout her 20s.

 

BMI is not a good indicator of anything really, why the medical community still uses it is beyond me (and absurdly retarded). It's simply not possible to determine a person's idea weight without considering lean body tissue.

Using me as an example I'm 5'7 195lbs. According to the BMI chart I'm obese. My ideal weight says 120-150. My total lean body mass is 160! That means if I had 0% bodyfat I'd still weigh 160. While according to my body fat% I'm right in the healthy catagory.

 

Body fat calculations aren't hard, it probably takes less then 5 minutes to tape yourself and plug in the numbers. BMI is used because it takes 3 seconds to look at a chart and say "you're fat".