Imageiko Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I would focus on the lifestyle changes the eating worse and not being active over the weight. Go after the root of the problem. I'd mention that you're worried about her because of the health consequences etc. She could go get lypo to lose the weight you don't find attractive but if the poor habits don't change then the weights coming right back. I think you have a lower chance of hurting her to if you focus on the lifestyle aspects over just the specific amount of weight.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Bull****. People get lazier and tend to eat more as they get older...if you want to blame that on age, feel free, but the exact same thing can happen to anyone at any age. I agree- we're not talking post menopause here- my metabolism was still in great shape when I was 28. I am 41 and I admit that I have to eat less and exercise more to stay thin, but I do it, and I stay thin. I say this is "content weight gain".... It happens in a lot of relationships. I put on weight upon meeting my exH because I got content with being in a relationship. It got to a point where I looked in the mirror one day and said to myself- yuck... what happened to the thin girl? So I lost the weight. I was in my mid-late 20's at the time. OP, I think you have to tell her how you're feeling, gently. I myself would want to know such a thing from my partner. When my brother met his now wife, she was about 150lbs (5'8"). On their wedding day she was probably about 250lbs. She's now back down to about 180 where she's levelled out- but I know it bothers my brother.
Imageiko Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 To add to the metabolism thing, if your body isn't burning off all the calories you are taking it thats a pretty obvious sign you are taking in too many calories! There is a reason your body requires more calories when you are younger it's because you are growing/more active etc.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Actually, it's harder for everyone to lose weight as they get older, men and women. Your metabolism slows down as you age. It happens to women earlier than men because of menopause. The effects are also more obvious in women, even before menopause, because they start to lose bone mass and lean muscle in their 30's. That doesn't happen to men until their late 40's. I think that's a given. Women aren't stupid, they know that being overweight will make them less attractive to men. If she's gaining weight, she's not doing it on purpose. I'm sure she's already aware of the weight gain and she already feels bad about it. She doesn't need to be told. +1. Don't expect her to do it for you. If she's going to lose weight, she'll have to do it for herself, because she wants to, not because her boyfriend is threatening to dump her if she stays at her current weight. You're not really concerned about her health, you just want her body to look a certain way, and I'm sure she knows that. I am actually thinner at 41 than I was at 14, 20, 25, 30... I lost about 50 lbs going through a divorce when in my early 30's. I got too skinny- down to 105lbs (at 5'7"). But I have maintained 120-125lbs for the past 5 years. I generally fluctuated between 135-140 lbs most of my post puberty years. I don't allow myself to go over 125lbs. That won't change when I meet a man- I want to look my best for ME, all the time. I don't know what will happen once I hit menopause, but I will eat like a bird and exercise like a maniac if that's what it takes to stay thin.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 No, it's scientific fact and it's been documented for years. The effects of aging on the metabolism are well-known. As you get older, you'll have to eat less and exercise more just to keep from gaining weight. If you eat the same way in your 40's as you did in your 20's, you'll gain weight. This is especially true for women when they hit menopause. The human body changes as it ages, everyone knows that. I can't wait until you're 45 and you start developing a gut because you think you still have a 25-year-old metabolism. You won't be able to eat this way forever. If you look at the standard BMI charts for men and women, you'll see that there are actually 2 charts for each, divided by age: http://www.csgnetwork.com/bmicalc.html. There's one BMI chart for women age 18-34, and a separate BMI chart for women age 35+. That's because women over 35 are supposed to weigh a little more than younger women. It's normal and expected. Here's another one that shows healthy weights for women based on age: http://commonsensehealth.com/Womens-Health/Healthy_Weight_Height_Chart_for_Women.shtml Same goes for body fat percentage. Men and women are supposed to have a little more body fat when they're older. You can see the tables here: http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/library/blbodyfatcharts.htm. This is part of the natural aging process, whether you like it or not. This discussion is retarded--you're being entirely argumentative. I agree with EVERYTHING you've said, yet everything I said is still true. What good does it do to focus on something you can't control such as changes in your body as you grow older? To simply say "it's harder to lose weight as you get older" is something people end up using purely as an excuse to let themselves go.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 This discussion is retarded--you're being entirely argumentative. I agree with EVERYTHING you've said, yet everything I said is still true. What good does it do to focus on something you can't control such as changes in your body as you grow older? To simply say "it's harder to lose weight as you get older" is something people end up using purely as an excuse to let themselves go. Not all of us as I've illustrated in 2 posts above. As you get older, you have to alter your work-out and eating habits to stay in shape. It IS harder to lose weight as you grow older, yet I am thinner at 41 than I was at the age of 14.
arts one Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I am 24. I met my boyfriend a couple of years ago and was delightfully skinny. Over the course of our relationship I have gained 15kg which I am struggling to lose. I know he doesn't like it, but it's a challenge because he is overweight too and was when I met him. I love him and I'm trying, I run 6km every second day and watch the calories but sometimes it's hard when he wants to eat whatever he likes. I feel for you. If she doesn't care and makes no effort you should probably say something. Also understand that her weight might go up and down, just be as understanding as you can or it will blow up in your face.
Kamille Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 This discussion is retarded--you're being entirely argumentative. I agree with EVERYTHING you've said, yet everything I said is still true. What good does it do to focus on something you can't control such as changes in your body as you grow older? To simply say "it's harder to lose weight as you get older" is something people end up using purely as an excuse to let themselves go. Here's the issue laid out: 1. Fact: metabolism slows down as we get older 2. Fact: it makes it easier to gain weight / harder to lose weight 3. Fact: some people use these facts as an excuse to let themselves go But #3 does not mean number 1 or 2 are less true. It just means that as we grow older, some people choose to change their habits (like D-Lish), some people don't really care as long as they remain within a healthy BMI (like me) and some people use the slow metabolism thing as an excuse to let themselves go. But the fact remains: our metabolism do slow down as we get older.
FitChick Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Tell her you are worried about her gaining weight because you read that it was a symptom of PCOS (hormone disorder) or hypothyroidism. Tell her to see an endocrinologist to know for sure since most GPs are clueless. That way, it either might be true and she will be given the appropriate hormones, or the endo will tell her she is healthy but needs to lose weight. That way the doctor will be the bad guy instead of you. As for losing weight being more difficult as we age, maybe if you are not as active as you used to be and are eating more. Men and women both lose hormones and need to supplement with bioidenticals. I have several health issues that most people give as an excuse for being fat and yet if I cut my calories and keep my exercise consistent, I can lose weight. She needs to log all of her calories in one of the many online calorie counters to know exactly how much she is eating now. Then subtract 500 calories per day = 3500 per week which is one pound of fat lost. That is without any exercise at all. There are lots and lots of youtube exercise videos for free. If she doesn't want to do straight exercise, why not take dancing lessons together? Very romantic. That is how Kirstie Alley lost 100 lbs. Maybe say you want to surprise your friends or relatives at some future special occasion by putting on a little show. Or buy bicycles, take tennis lessons, go swimming, ice skating, golf, bowling, hiking. If she is stubborn just tell her that if you had met her looking the way she does now, you'd never have asked her out. Cruel but true.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 EnigmaticClarity, I predict that in a few years you will find yourself the unwilling recipient of 50 extra pounds of squishy padding around your midsection.
Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 D - LISH - I also am prepared to exercise and eat appropriately, in order to stay slim... However..... If your 5 ' 7 and 125 lbs, without starving yourself.. then it means u have a lot of the ectomorph body type in you, and your NATURALLY petite... MOST women, say, about 70%, cannot attain the weight/heigth ratio you have.... If most women ate 4 healthy meals, and snacks when hungry, and worked out every day for an hour.. they still would not have a body as slender as yours. I also have in common with you, that I was heavier when I was younger; I am only 24, but I am slimmer than I was at age 12, ( as I over ate and did NO exercise). Do you mind sharing the lengths you do to, to maintain your slim figure? I am 5 ' 4 - 5 - 4, and 125 ish, with large boobs and a big butt... I eat a lot though, and do not work out like a maniac. I would like to know how you are making it work for you:) I would like to maintain my figure, too, and any tips would be appreciated:) I KNOW what to do; I have read what thin women do ( the ones who do it the heaslthy way). I know how much to eat, and how much exercise to do, in order to attain certain weights on me. I am just interested to hear how an every day person stays slim:) Your about the weight/height ratio I want to remain. I eat a lot and stay slim so I think I should have no problem:)
AlexDP Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Its actually very true that for women it is harder to lose weight as we age. Losing weight is extremely easy though. You eat right and you exercise right. If you work out the right way for half an hour a day, you could eat loads of food. Sadly enough though I see women take spinning classes that last up to two hours, where they could just do some sprinting and improve their metabolism drastically.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Here's the issue laid out: 1. Fact: metabolism slows down as we get older 2. Fact: it makes it easier to gain weight / harder to lose weight 3. Fact: some people use these facts as an excuse to let themselves go But #3 does not mean number 1 or 2 are less true. It just means that as we grow older, some people choose to change their habits (like D-Lish), some people don't really care as long as they remain within a healthy BMI (like me) and some people use the slow metabolism thing as an excuse to let themselves go. But the fact remains: our metabolism do slow down as we get older. I agree, but #1 and #2 do you no good whatsoever, and worse, thinking about them causes #3 to become true. You can'd do ANYTHING about #1 and #2, but you can control #3 by not letting it happen to you. 60% of Americans are obese because they just let #1 and #2 roll around in their heads and allow #3 to become true. The way to be is just put #1 and #2 out of your head entirely.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 EnigmaticClarity, I predict that in a few years you will find yourself the unwilling recipient of 50 extra pounds of squishy padding around your midsection. Been there, had my girlfriend telling me "it just happens as you get older, don't worry about it" while thinking "that's bull****, I'm just lazy" every time she said it, lost it all now. I think you missed the part where I agreed that losing weight becomes harder--but how MUCH harder? Nobody knows. Ignore that ****, it just becomes an excuse.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 However..... If your 5 ' 7 and 125 lbs, without starving yourself.. then it means u have a lot of the ectomorph body type in you, and your NATURALLY petite... MOST women, say, about 70%, cannot attain the weight/heigth ratio you have.... She's not necessarily naturally petite, she's just at the lower range of weight for her height. She MIGHT be petite, but an average-framed woman of 5' 7" can absolutely be 125 with exercise and diet, although it'd take an above-average amount of both to get there. At the extreme end of the spectrum of dieting and weight loss are models like Elle MacPherson, who is 6' but not petite and hovered between 125 and 130 the entire time she was known to the world in the late 1980s and throughout the 1990s. She didn't entirely starve herself, she was mostly obsessive about diet and exercise, far more so than the average person. And when she hit 130 or 131, I wouldn't be surprised if she did some starving or purging. I generally agree with you though that 135 is a better goal if you're 5' 7" and of average frame. If you're a bit big-boned, perhaps 140 or 145 is better.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Isn't it funny how all the men that becry a woman's interest in a man's height disappear when it comes to comments on a woman's weight.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Isn't it funny how all the men that becry a woman's interest in a man's height disappear when it comes to comments on a woman's weight. Agreed--they're whining little pussies. FAR more men discount women due to weight than women discount men due to height. Women do the same to men but far less often if they have other desirable qualities. It's throughout our culture. Look at Will Ferrell--directors keep putting his flabby, naked body up there on the screen because they know it's more accepted for men to be that way than women. Would people really find a flabby Ellen DeGeneres or Oprah up on screen as funny? Not likely, and directors aren't willing to try it. It'll eventually happen I bet, but not for a few more decades.
CarrieT Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 D - LISH - I also am prepared to exercise and eat appropriately, in order to stay slim... However..... If your 5 ' 7 and 125 lbs, without starving yourself.. then it means u have a lot of the ectomorph body type in you, and your NATURALLY petite... MOST women, say, about 70%, cannot attain the weight/heigth ratio you have.... This is a very, very accurate statement. At 47, I am 5'4" and definitely an endo-morph who has constantly struggled with weight. I grew up 20 pounds over weight and come from fat genes. I am naturally curvy with large breasts. After the Northridge earthquake - where I was homeless for almost 5 months - I became my thinnest at 128 pounds and with large breasts, I looked like a frigg'n Barbie Doll. My best, natural weight is in the 135 range. Right now I am waffling in the 155 range and those last 15 pounds I am trying to lose is a HUGE battle. I don't eat carbs, eat tons of fresh vegetables, limited fruit and lots of lean protein. I walk to and from work every day (about 3 miles round trip) and hike 10 miles on weekends. I limit my alcohol - which is hard living in Napa - and only have a few bites of a dessert when offered. If most women ate 4 healthy meals, and snacks when hungry, and worked out every day for an hour.. they still would not have a body as slender as yours. When I ate 4 healthy meals and snacks when hungry, I ballooned to 200 pounds. I have Korean girlfriends who eat three times what I do and are slim. So much of it is genetic. Do you mind sharing the lengths you do to, to maintain your slim figure? I am 5 ' 4 - 5 - 4, and 125 ish, with large boobs and a big butt... I eat a lot though, and do not work out like a maniac. I would like to know how you are making it work for you:) We sound about the same and I desperately wish I could be in the 125-ish range again! My breasts are 36-H so I know there is a good 10 pounds there that will never go away. I don't work out like a maniac though. Just healthy walking and biking.
Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Actually, 5'7 and 125 lbs IS only attainable, in a healthy way, for small boned and a very few medium built women.... The BMI of 19 ish, that is 5 ' 7 and 125, I just want to stress, is not realistic for a normal body type.. 130 and 5 ' 7 is attainable, with normal diet and exerise.. However, a medium built women, would have to diet and ex ercise more than normal, to attain that weight for their height... I have studied this, as I had an eating disorder, and only naturally thin women can really attain that type of body.. Although many women who are a normal build, exercsie more or eat too little, and feel comfrotable with that, in order to attain that weight ( they do not feel totally miserable, so they do it)... However, it is still less than their bodies crave and need to funtcion optimally. I am 5 ' 5 ish and 125, but with bug butt and curves, and my boyfriend thinks I am " thin" and feels very lucky to have me.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Would people really find a flabby Ellen DeGeneres or Oprah up on screen as funny? Not likely, and directors aren't willing to try it. It'll eventually happen I bet, but not for a few more decades. Actually I remember it being tried--Rosie O'Donnell dressed in a revealing leather domintrax outfit for a film in the 1990s. It was generally found unfunny from various snide remarks I've heard since then about it and I haven't noticed anyone trying to repeat it.
Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 CARRIE T - I emphathize with your weight struggles, as so much of the genetic side is overlooked... I do not try that hard to be 5 ' 4 ish and 125 lbs, I can eat a fair amount.. it is only when I want to be much smaller, I have to exercise an hour every day.. I do not have to starve, but it is a considerable effort. I am just a medium body type, it is not that hard to maintain this weight at all, however, to get lower requires more dedication.. I am lucky to be slim without too much effort, but not super slim Relevant to this post, however; I think most decent guys, from what I have seen, simply want their girlfriends or partners to be HEALTHY; sitting around, never getting out of the house or being active AT ALL, all the while eating unhealthily, and without restraint... THAT is unnappealing, as it shows a lack of respect for yourself, and lack of pride in your appearance.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Actually, 5'7 and 125 lbs IS only attainable, in a healthy way, for small boned and a very few medium built women.... The BMI of 19 ish, that is 5 ' 7 and 125, I just want to stress, is not realistic for a normal body type.. 130 and 5 ' 7 is attainable, with normal diet and exerise.. However, a medium built women, would have to diet and ex ercise more than normal, to attain that weight for their height... Were you replying to me? Your last sentence in this quote means you agree with me, yet you started off disagreeing. When you say "very few" medium built 5' 7" women can get to 125, I presume you mean that "very few" medium-built women actually put in a "more than normal" amount of effort into attaining such a weight. I agree with you entirely. I also don't think women need to achieve that weight, that going for it is bordering on obsession, but not necessarily so, some women can get there and still be mentally healthy.
Kamille Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Were you replying to me? Your last sentence in this quote means you agree with me, yet you started off disagreeing. When you say "very few" medium built 5' 7" women can get to 125, I presume you mean that "very few" medium-built women actually put in a "more than normal" amount of effort into attaining such a weight. I agree with you entirely. I also don't think women need to achieve that weight, that going for it is bordering on obsession, but not necessarily so, some women can get there and still be mentally healthy. I'm 5'8, medium built, and I once put in the "more than normal" effort and managed to get to 133 pounds. I got amenorrhea, my head would spin when I got up (low-blood pressure) and I started losing my hair. I was counting calories and exercising - but I still ate 3-4 meals a day. Not everyone can attain whatever weight and be healthy. The ideal weight-goal shouldn't be a number on a scale. It should respect our body's needs. My ideal weight is 145 pounds. That's when I'm at my healthiest.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I'm 5'8, medium built, and I once put in the "more than normal" effort and managed to get to 133 pounds. I got amenorrhea, my head would spin when I got up (low-blood pressure) and I started losing my hair. I was counting calories and exercising - but I still ate 3-4 meals a day. What was your daily caloric intake? The biggest problem with generalizing a "medium build" is that we usually mean your bone structure, but your major flesh (boobs, butt) and muscle (arms, stomach, back, legs) sections are a part of it as well. As the women with large boobs have said earlier, all of that can easily add twenty pounds to your ideal weight, although that's not at all average--most women are B-cup and don't have large butts, calves, quads, biceps/triceps, or abdominal muscles, although many will have one or two of those being above-average.
Kamille Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 What was your daily caloric intake? The biggest problem with generalizing a "medium build" is that we usually mean your bone structure, but your major flesh (boobs, butt) and muscle (arms, stomach, back, legs) sections are a part of it as well. As the women with large boobs have said earlier, all of that can easily add twenty pounds to your ideal weight, although that's not at all average--most women are B-cup and don't have large butts, calves, quads, biceps/triceps, or abdominal muscles, although many will have one or two of those being above-average. 1600-1800 calories. I was 18 at the time. I was a B-Cup (actually an A cup with all the weight loss at the time), pear shaped, so strong glutes, harmstring, quads. But it doesn't change the point. You made it seem like anyone who worked hard enough could reach some random point on a scale, without physiological hasards. Now you're changing your discourse and qualifying it (if this, if that, etc.) What if I told you, when you were at your lowest weight, that if you just worked harder, you could be healthy at 15 pounds less? That if you didn't accept my statement, you were merely just looking for an excuse to not work harder. You would reach a point where you would say: not, that would physically affect my health. Your stance that anyone who states "metabolism slows down as we grow older" is looking for an excuse is ideological. This pushes you to the extreme of advocating that any medium built woman whose 5'7 can reach 125 pounds if she just "gets off her ass" and works hard enough. It's simply not true, and you actually know it, when you start qualifying what else we should include in the calculation. Yes, there is obesity and yes there are people out there who will hang on to any excuse to not get their asses in gear. But that is not Leigh's or D's or Carrie T's perception of things. Nor is it mine. We're not looking for any excuse that will allow us to let ourselves go. We're all, AFAIK, doing our best to be healthy.
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