amythan Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Hi, Finally it is over. I will try to explain everything the best I can but it is a bit long I know this was my mistake and i acted like an idiot but I couldn't handle it better .. This guy and i, we used to work together. Kind of friends but not close ones. We started to talk and he was very sweet, all the time making cute comments and showing interest in spending "quality time" with me. I was maybe naive but i liked him and we slept together. It went like that for three months and i was sure he was into me. My mistake. Then he disappeared. I never understood why he did that. We were supposed to be friends and he was the one asking me to tell him if something was wrong .... Long story short we got back together - My mistake again. A from then he treated me like his FWB. And i was so much in love that i permit him to do it. But i was also sad and one day I told him that i was in love with him and this was not working. He reacted pretty badly but i needed time. Then i moved to his town (not because of him) and we started again but this time i thought that i should protect myself and i decided to do not do the friendly stuff. I was just playing cool, not calling him all the time or nothing but everything was on his terms. Anyway I was hurt all the time and i reached the point where i was resenting myself for being so stupid. I am pretty, educated, I have friends who love me, a good job and what the f*ck i am doing with my life ?? So we went out for dinner and we talked. I told him that if this is what he can offer me i pass. I deserve better and i am losing respect for myself. That i was sleeping with him because i thought he was interested and then i fell in love. I was not interested in being friends because he is never there, we share nothing and he does not show interested in my things. That i feel he always let me down. That is all. And then he told me everything no one told me in my life. He was pursuing me at the beginning just because i am hot and he wanted to sleep with me. He was desperate to see me because he was thinking with his dick. He was not in love with me, I was just convenient. I am sick. And then I started to cry and he said i am done kissing you and he left. I know it was my fault, i made a mistake but I really liked him and i trusted him. I had memories which were meaninful for me, trips we made together or nights we spent together. And he said that he does not have any of this memories and that no one forced me to be there. I know that. But why being so mean ? Maybe he got fed up with my emotional things but after one year and a half i was not expecting this. I was definitely silly but i am not sick and all this was hurtful. I felt like a prostitute. Am i overreacting ?? Sometimes i wonder if it was something i did or said .. Thanks for reading this.
betterdeal Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Don't be sad it's over - be happy it happened. That is to say, don't be so hard on yourself and put the blame to one side. You had good times, nothing wrong with that, is there? Sometimes people aren't ready for more than some fun, for whatever reason. My guess is he was nervous when he told you there was nothing more to it, but I don't know. Trying to guess what's going on in someone else's head takes up too much effort and rarely works. You'll be fine.
stillafool Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Don't beat yourself up. Like the other poster said you enjoyed it too while it was good. It's just that your hearts were in different places. He was unusually honest so you would get the message and you did. Don't ever, ever contact him again. Next time you hook up with a guy, find out where his heart is before you sleep with him. Just because a man pursues you does not mean he is in love. Why did you move to his town?
Author amythan Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Thanks. I know he was honest, but he made me fell like a fool. He insulted me and he treated me as if all i am good for is to f*ck. I also know it was my bad. But it does not mean i am not sad. I got a better job there and I didn't like to live where i was living before and many of my friends are here. Nothing to do with him.
stillafool Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I have read over some of your previous posts that date back to July regarding this guy. It seems you have been somewhat chasing after him when he told you back in July to not put "much stock in him". You said you two continue to have sex and that is mostly due to you. I think he has been completely honest with you about how he feels and if the two of you get drunk or whatever, and you offer up sex, he is going to take it. Still, it will not make him fall in love with you. I think at this point you need to move on and stop hoping for something that is not going to happen. He may be seeing someone else. He told you how he felt 2 months ago. You have to let him go.
betterdeal Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 So long as you know you're more than just a good lay, that's what matters. Next guy, just notice how he behaves in other situations with other people - that way you can get a bit of an idea of his nature.
stillafool Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I have read over some of your previous posts that date back to July regarding this guy. It seems you have been somewhat chasing after him when he told you back in July to not put "much stock in him". You said you two continue to have sex and that is mostly due to you. I think he has been completely honest with you about how he feels and if the two of you get drunk or whatever, and you offer up sex, he is going to take it. Still, it will not make him fall in love with you. I think at this point you need to move on and stop hoping for something that is not going to happen. He may be seeing someone else. He told you how he felt 2 months ago. You have to let him go. Actually I see he told you this back in May about the way he felt. Why are you still contacting this guy?
betterdeal Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 If I understand rightly, she still has feelings for him, that's why. I agree, letting go and accepting he doesn't feel the same way will make her feel better in the long run. It's hard sometimes to let go, but it's the best thing to do.
Author amythan Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 I do not know ... it is not that easy. I really love him and when we were together sometimes it felt right - when i do not ask. We really get along well and we like to be together. It is like i can be myself. It does not happen with me that often. But i know, itis my fault i should stop this long time ago. But now i cannot change the fact i didn't. Maybe many things were wrong during the last months and i decided to hope that something good could happen .. I made a mistake but it was not only my fault ...
iJester Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 He did you a favor. The reason he was so mean, is so you would get the point. You clearly weren't going to any other way.
Allie32 Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 He did you a favor. The reason he was so mean, is so you would get the point. You clearly weren't going to any other way. are you a woman hater or something? or just a troll with nothing better to do...???
stillafool Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I do not know ... it is not that easy. I really love him and when we were together sometimes it felt right - when i do not ask. We really get along well and we like to be together. It is like i can be myself. It does not happen with me that often. But i know, itis my fault i should stop this long time ago. But now i cannot change the fact i didn't. Maybe many things were wrong during the last months and i decided to hope that something good could happen .. I made a mistake but it was not only my fault ... When you have the desire to contact him again, read over your past posts and the things he said to you. Maybe that will help. If you continue to go back, he is going to make you feel worst than you already do. You have to give your heart a break and let him go.
stillafool Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 are you a woman hater or something? or just a troll with nothing better to do...??? I know what iJester said sounds bad but it is the truth. It isn't going to help her to baby her through this. She needs honesty.
Author amythan Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 I know i have to let him go and i will do. I am not going to contact him again ! I guess that one of the reasons I was contacting him is because at the beginning he seemed really interested. I do not know how to explain it but there were things he did or said, it does not matter. And i thought it was something i made wrong which made him change. And foolish i believe that this could be back ... Maybe this does not make too much sense .. But when i explained this to him he said something like: i know it was also my fault and if i was you i would also be resented. It does not really matter now and i guess i learnt my lesson.
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