LoveAshley Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 I have been with this guy for 4 years. We live together and we also work together. He has always had trust issues from people that has hurt him in the past. I have always known this. Over the past 4 years, he has gotten suspicious of me sneaking around talking to other guys quite a few times. I have never cheated on him, but I admit that I have texted with some guy friends that my boyfriend didn't know about because I wasn't sure how to tell him about them without him thinking something wierd about my guy friends. He confronted me and I told him that I wouldn't talk to those guys anymore. Well we haven't had any problems for several months. Everything has been going fine until I got a phone call from my mom. My boyfriend was sleeping right beside me in the bed when I answered the phone. I answered and my mom started talking and I told her to hang on so I could excuse myself out of the bedroom so I wouldn't disturb my boyfriend. When he heard me answer the phone, he turned over and asked who it was and I said my mom and then I proceeded to walk out of the room to talk to her. I came back into the room 10 mins later when I was done talking to my mom and immediately my boyfriend started acting really angry and upset. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me. He just ignored me and kept an angry look on his face and started pouting with his head buried in his face like he usually does when he thinks I am sneaking around on him. He has asked me before why I sometimes walk out of the room when I get a phone call and that he thinks I am talking to some guy, and I know that is what he is thinking this time too, although he didn't actually say it. There could be no other reason for him to suddenly act like that. I don't know what to do. This trust issue has been an issue for us on and off and the only reason why I am scared to leave is because he is my only ride to work. We work gravyard shift together so if we broke up, I would have to move out and I would most likely have to quit my job because there's no way I can get a ride there at 2am. I really don't know what I should do.
Woggle Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Chanes are he has been cheated on in the past but that still does not mean you are obligated to put up with it.
Pyro Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Four years later and he still doesn't trust you? Kudos to you for remaining patient. He needs to get over it. Therapy is definitely an option considering he still doesn't trust you after four years. You have been great to him. You do not deserve that from him.
Author LoveAshley Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Thanks. I'm just not sure what my next move should be. I have asked him what was wrong a few times now and he's completely acting like I am not even here. He won't even look me in the eye. Communication is another thing that he has always lacked with. I like to talk things out and get it over and done with, while he will wait, and wait, and wait,.....and wait while being unresponsive to my conversation initiations, until he either finally confronts me with anything or he just gets over it for a while. Should I keep asking him or give him his space until he confronts me?
Pyro Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 without proper communication there is no way to maintain a healthy relationship. You have tried many times to be an adult and talk to him but he refuses. You may want to think about if he will be a right fit in your future. If you can't even communicate with him then how are things suppose to get better?
Des Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 The only thing you need to do is explain to him you are not cheating, and prove it to him if need be. I personally am not a fan of the idea of having "friends" of the opposite sex in a relationship. I think it's silly to assume it's only "friendly bonding" that's going on. Obviously jealously will arise almost every time, and I think it's justified. You shouldn't make him feel like he needs to be in competition with other males while you're supposed to be committed. But it sounds like you aren't, you say you only stay because he's your ride to work??
Imageiko Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 So you've talked to guys behind his back before and the only reason you're staying with him is because he is your ride to work and that would inconvenience you. I wonder why he's having an issue trusting you...
MyT Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I have been with this guy for 4 years. Ok, noted He has always had trust issues from people that has hurt him in the past. I have always known this. Ok Over the past 4 years, he has gotten suspicious of me sneaking around talking to other guys quite a few times. So in the course of 4 years - you have a) talked to other guys b) kept it a secret for whatever reason c) been found out d) repeat steps a) to d) Am I right? I have never cheated on him, but I admit that I have texted with some guy friends Speaking from a guys perspective - texting someone and keeping a secret hurts just as much as sleeping with someone - it's really the principle of the issue. He did x and x to me but I didn't do anything back ^ I don't mean to imply you did anything, I'm just trying to make you see the contrast He confronted me and I told him that I wouldn't talk to those guys anymore. Well, I've been in that same position as the guy before - it's very dicey - as in depending on how it came out, you could have made it worse to begin with. The solution is not to not talk with the guy anymore As I said before I got caught talking with guy a, but I will ignore him now no more guy b? But from your point above - there's been a guy c at least He just ignored me and kept an angry look on his face and started pouting with his head buried in his face like he usually does when he thinks I am sneaking around on him. While being stone-faced does not show the most tact - it's hard - he's hurt I know that is what he is thinking this time too, although he didn't actually say it. There could be no other reason for him to suddenly act like that. roll-eyes, well duh. This trust issue has been an issue for us on and off He probably notices it too - trust is 2 sided the only reason why I am scared to leave is because he is my only ride to work What? I can see why you continuously talk to people behind his back Please read what you typed and try to puzzle this together - it's not a paradox
chucksagent Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I totally agree with last poster... Textbook modern female maneuver - lie and then NOT want to deal with consequences. And act like your boyfriend is crazy. Who texts people of the opposite sex and lies about it, honestly? If you're lying you MUST think you're doing SOMETHING wrong...And it doesn't have to be cheating to be wrong. I think it's because many women out there just love attention. Doesn't matter good or bad as long as it's attention. For Reference, please see short skirts, cleavage shirts, thongs rising above jeans, etc. LOL. Texting a bunch of dudes probably meets your quota for attention. But please, don't take it out on your boyfriend and make it his issue. Remember when you lied to your parents in high school and you had to REGAIN their trust??? Why should this be any different?
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