roman_pavluchenko Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 Ex broke up with me 7 months ago, thats now more than 3 times as long as we dated and i still dont think im over her. Its nowhere near as bad as it was at the start, as i use to avoid hanging out with friends and going out as she would always be there, wont go into much detail but i did some pretty stupid things post breakup which pissed her off, but now i can go out with our friends and feel fine. I even went to her house the other day with friends to have a movie night and had a friendly conversation with her one on one at a party without getting all upset and such. The only trouble is im started to drift back into thinking she'll come back - which is pissing me off because i thought i was over it. I dont know why i keep thinking this and it wouldn't really benefit me if she did come back anyway. Our relationship wasn't that great because she didn't show me much affection or didnt have enough time for me, so she wasn't really interested and she is pretty different now. I really liked her without even knowing her at first because she was different from other girls at school, she didnt go out every weekend, get drunk at parties and walk around collapsing on people and she was really nice. She still is a nice person from what i gather but now the girls in our group of friends, including her, go out clubbing every week getting pissed and hooking up with random guys. So she has in some way changed and is just like all the rest. How do i stop being hopeful that she will come back, i know its absoulutely pointless since she has got a few other guys chasing after her now and she stated clearly once before that we weren't meant to be.
ConfusedT Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 i agree. you need to remove her from your life entirely, at least for the healing process. she is not coming back at this point, so there is the reality check if you need it! Also, maybe therapy??? counseling??? books??? something to help ease the pain?
Author roman_pavluchenko Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Thanks for the replies, your both right. I know what your saying and i did consider counselling and such in the past, but now there isn't exactly pain i just sometimes feel a lot of regret about things that happened although not everything was my fault, but i cant seem to get though my head that the past is the past!
Good Arms Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I remember your story and I think we had some things in common. I cannot believe you can even contemplate hanging around with her on a social basis. I know for sure I wouldn't be capable of that. It hurts me enough to have to see my ex at work, without talking to her, and it kills me when it looks like she's going out after work. Wow, the thought of actually being there with her when she's socialising is unthinkable to me. Of course your mind wanders as to what your ex going out will lead to, and I can't just oppress those memories of "us" being together. I do everything I can to avoid her, so much so that it must be obvious to her, sadly she is not a sensitive person and doesn't offer me the luxury of keeping out of my way, even though she knows she was my first love and I would have thought anyone with a shred of compassion would realise this is incredibly awkward for me. Only the other day she stood using her phone right in my eye line, dressed in a skirt which is unusual for her, presumably meaning she's out clubbing as she's single again (I think she dumped her last boyfriend, but **** knows how many guys she's been with since me on a casual basis before and after him. She's proven to be the kind of girl I deep down always knew she was, but was blinded to when I fell in love). Surely any sensitive person would choose somewhere else in a huge building to talk on the phone, but presumably she's so wrapped up in her own life she doesn't give my feelings a second thought. If only she could step into my body for a second and feel how appalling I feel when she's around, then unless she's outright evil she would give me some space. Sorry for going on about my own stuff! I guess I needed to vent. I know it's tough, but it's clear that socialising with these mutual friends - at least when she's around - is doing you no good at all. Even if you say you're doing better now (good for you if you recognise some progress), you're still troubled enough by all this to write out a post here. I honestly think you need to go NC, I would love to have that luxury (as far as I'm concerned me being forced to see her each work day, and therefore learning stuff about her life, means I've never been able to do NC, even if we don't talk). From experience I can see that the past doesn't feel like the past when an ex who broke your heart is constantly there.
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