laotzu Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (I usually write too much.) One of the things that often interests me when talking about sociological or physical transactions is inertia, i.e., that a body in motion will likely continue in motion for a given period of time, or to resist any change in its motion. One of the cooler metaphors concerning inertia is “the inertia of desire”, which often explains why people continue to eat food (say, that fifth slice of pizza) even when they should be full: your desire continues until well past the point of satiation, because desire - a physiological response to scarcity and opportunity - is under the influence of inertia. I was thinking about this in the dating sense, recently, both as a consequence of dating (a lot), reading these forums for the past few months, and watching my friends and co-workers navigate relationships, marriages, being single, and dating. A couple of things seem pretty pervasive: I’m watching a lot of guys in the ~30 and under cohort who have good jobs and would appear to be a “good catch”, who aren’t dating at all, and who are typically looking for something out of their league; and on the flipside, you have guys like me who are dating a lot and getting a lot of interest, but who typically don’t stay with the same girl for more than three weeks or so. On the female side, you have a lot of girls in the same age cohort, who seem to fall under one of two categories: fairly cute and pretty (i.e. “a good catch”), often with professional jobs and a economic narrative of their own; and secondly, maybe the girls who are pretty attractive with a decent job and an economic narrative of their own. Obviously, I’m ignoring a lot of texture on either side (e.g. the beautiful people with terrible jobs, uneducated/or unsuccessful people, unattractive people or those with self-described or prescribed social anxiety disorders) but what I wanted to focus on was this: many men were under the influence of an inert sociological understanding that’s now confronting a radically changed economic landscape, especially in urban environments. Men thought that a decent job was enough to obtain an attractive woman, mostly because even into the early nineties - and still to a degree today - women were economically disadvantaged. As more women have obtained advanced degrees and are professionally successful, they’re substantially less likely to be willing to date or be in a relationship with men who they previously would have dated in the last generation - and it makes perfect sense. If a pretty, nice girl was attractive in the dating market of the 1980s and 1990s, she’s substantially increased her value by being economically successful. So you have these guys on online dating sites or in the workforce scratching their heads, wondering why they can’t date them. This is confronting a couple of other factors, as well, but I think it’s a contributing force to the “opt out” of marriage lifestyle that many men are adopting, some by necessity, and some by choice. If I can date, and sleep with, a lot of the female “good catches” that would have previously been married by this point in their lifetimes - from a biological perspective, why wouldn’t I? Sure, yes, I know: love, that nebulous metaphor for endorphins and horniness, but as we all know, it’s still a temporary conscription. You have something similar on the female side: women no longer need men from a financial perspective - and given the trends in college degrees, this will only get more pronounced - and so are less likely to marry the same men who would have been desirable in previous generations. So average men: your market worth has declined within just the past ten years, and will continue to do so. You have two options: make more money and be more successful from a self-improvement perspective, or look for girls who are still economically disadvantaged but who are attractive to you. Average girls: stop wondering why the men you’re attracted to stop seeing you after a month or two, because the answer is pretty obvious. You’ve stopped paying attention to the guys above, which actually means there are a lot of you for those of us who are tall, in good shape, confident, and financially secure. Really hot girls: you’ll be fine. Really hot/wealthy guys: you’ll be fine. And really, anyone could be fine, as well. It's just interesting to continuously watch guys who could date go dateless because they're looking for the girls who are dating slightly above them; and those same girls wondering why the guys they're after are commitment-phobe into their mid-30's or so, when those guys have little competition for a market of girls that previously would have been married.
oaks Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 (I usually write too much.) One of the things that often interests me when talking about sociological or physical transactions is inertia, i.e., that a body in motion will likely continue in motion for a given period of time, or to resist any change in its motion. One of the cooler metaphors concerning inertia is “the inertia of desire”, which often explains why people continue to eat food (say, that fifth slice of pizza) even when they should be full: your desire continues until well past the point of satiation, because desire - a physiological response to scarcity and opportunity - is under the influence of inertia. Can't I just eat the pizza because I like eating pizza?
Feelsgoodman Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 The Coles Notes version of the above post is that average women are no longer willing to "settle" for average men due to the fact that they have their own sources of income and can afford to spend years chasing after hot guys in the futile hope of landing their "perfect man". There is certainly something to your theory. "I will not settle" has pretty much become the slogan of the new generation of college-educated 'professional women'. The unfortunate truth is that yes, they will...only much later in life, when their biological clock is well past the eleventh hour and after going through multiple cycles of "pump 'n dump" with their "dream men".
Recommended Posts