Will my husband get his feeling back for me?

[Npeterz]

I have to firstly admit that I pushed my husband (actually fiance') away without realizing. When I realized it was too late! Now he says he needs space and time because he has no feelings towards me right now. Although we still live together but he sleeps on the couch and doesn't want to touch me or anything. He needs 'space'.

I'm 27 yrs & we've been together for 6yrs.

It's been a week of depression for me. Crying on and off. Cant eat or sleep much. All i do is try to think of how I can bring his feelings back. How did i let it get this far! He's not in love with me right now & it hurts soo bad! I want the future we planned together still. We were working on a baby!

I don't understand at all how space is going to help. I think it will just make us more distant. I dont want to live without him & this hurts so bad, I just want to get through this just how we have everything else!

Can he get those feelings back? & from having 'space'??? Has anyone been through something similar & have any advice or helpful tips or anything to help me feel a bit of ease through this difficult time??

It's dreadful waking up, then not having any energy to do what u need & should do.. I'm so lost

[geegirl]

How did you push him away or why do you think you pushed him away?

[Npeterz]

Well i was being my stubborn self, not thinking twice about him ever leaving me, and I didn't think about him and his feelings or how my actions affect him. They affected him so badly that I pushed him to lose his feelings for me I'm so lost and so hurt. I'll do anything to help restore our love. This cant be the end. I need to snap out of this state of mind. All I feel like doing is laying in bed, talking to him, which isn't good because he wants space. Why space?? Does that hellp or make things worse?? Can i regain his love and trust and move on with our life together?? I cant take this feeling much longer. He knows that.

[Npeterz]

I'm certainly taking this as a learning experience & I will never again take his love for granted or push him to that limit ever again. I can sacrifice stupid things I want and don't even need, for him. I will sacrifice everything for him!

[mike588]

By him still living there isn't really giving him space,, your still there. I know you don't want him to move out but can he or you stay somewhere else for awhile,, family, friends.

 

Again I know you don't want him to leave but I think that's the best solution. You both need some distance, it's hard for him to think, gather his thoughts when your there and he sees you upset.

 

By giving him space you both will be able to think more clearly and he may actually start to miss you.

 

Keep us posted.

[geegirl]

I'm sorry that you are so hurt. I can certainly relate, although I was the one that was taken for granted by my ex-husband. And when it was too late, and I had completely checked out, he came to his senses rather late and by then it was over.

 

I am not saying that it could be the same in your case. I believe, speaking for the other side/me, that once I started feeling that I was being taken for granted, the start of resentment and hurt stared brewing and while I hoped that the other person was aware and perceptive enough to show care by realizing their actions, I kept on accepting that behavior. But long enough into that, the resentment and hurt will kill feelings of love. And by then, it will be too late because at this point you don't feel love anymore, just indifference and although you care for this person, it's not enough to want to stay, it's almost as if you've drained a sink that was full of love and you've depleted that by taking him for granted.

 

If he is telling you he is not in love with you anymore. It may be true. His feelings have changed drastically, over time. I don't know if space will help him. If he still loved you and believed it was an issue that you both needed to work on to get back to where you started, then that is a different story. You have something to work with. But once those feelings are gone, it's possibly gone, especially when it's been replaced by negativity.

 

Give him his "space". Although the distance from his couch to your bedroom is not enough to give each other time to reflect and figure out what you or at least he wants. You are a constant reminder of what he is feeling. It is now up to him to decide what he wants to do without you pushing him. I know when my ex pushed me, the only thing in my head that kept ringing was, "All those times you took me for granted and now you're wanting to move the earth and sun for me." It pushed me further away and it made me angry.

 

I'm sorry I can't tell you if he will change his mind. Only time will tell if he has it in his heart to start over.

Edited September 15, 2011 by geegirl

[Npeterz]

I just can't seem to understand the concept of how space is going to help us get through anything..

The space is hurting me so badly. I cant even concentrate on doing any of my daily doings. I'm isolating myself from evryone that keeps telling me i need to get out and keep myself busy. All i can think of is ways to regain his love for me.

he said he loves me but his feelings are just 'numb' at the moment. I truly hope its possible to bring the feelings back. I cant live without him. My whole future is built around him. He is my whole life. Without him I am nothing. I am miserable. I'm hurt. I don't see this pain going away until the day he hugs me again & tells me he loves me & we will always work things out

I hate this feeling. I gotta snap out of it but don't know how. I feel so weak and sick. I feel so empty. I feel so many things I can't even explain them all.

What is space going to do except push us further apart???

I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn his love back if thats what i have to do!

[Npeterz]

When I first met him, he asked me to bring him some movie theatre popcorn. He loves it. Maybe if I do things like that i can rekindle what was lost??? Or is that forcing things??? I'm so lost! Idk what to do.

[geegirl]

When I first met him, he asked me to bring him some movie theatre popcorn. He loves it. Maybe if I do things like that i can rekindle what was lost??? Or is that forcing things??? I'm so lost! Idk what to do.

 

He's asked you to leave him alone. Trust me, trying to do nice things now after the damage has been done and while he is in a state of confusion, is going to cause more harm than good.

 

The "space" is for him to figure out what he wants. It's not for you to figure out whether it brings you closer or pushes you further away. He doesn't know what he wants.

 

If you have talked to him about changing your ways and truly wanting to make things work, you have to respect that he needs to find trust and love in you again to make it want to work. You have to understand that just because you now want to make it work, he can't just snap into shape and make it work just because you feel it's make or break.

 

Understand he's had negativity brewing in him for awhile. He's at a breaking point. He can't just do what you want him to do. He's dealing with his own internal struggles, just as you are but both for different reasons.

 

You have to pull yourself together. Can you go and stay with a friend or family member? You being in the same home and seeing him is only making things worse for you and him. If you leave, he will be able to at least figure out what you really do mean to him and at least long for you. Right now, both of you are just reminding each other of the bad feelings you both are currently facing.

[mike588]

No DO NOT do that. I strongly suggest talking to a professional, it has helped me and it WILL help you too.

 

It's hard to explain the give him space thing other than what I've and others have said. If you love him (I know you do) and want to make this work you HAVE TO have some space between each other, it's a must!!!

 

Your already upset and probably thinking if he's not here I'm going to be more upset! It truely is the best thing you can do. How can he possibly think clearly or start to (miss you) when your there.

 

Please,, one of you needs to stay elsewhere for sometime. Tell him one last time before you/him separate (shortly hopefully)how you feel and what you want then leave it at that!!!! Do not contact him,, you will only push him further away!!!! You will have said/done all you can do. Now the balls in his corner.

 

Please seek profesional help!! There is NOTHING WRONG in doing that.

[Npeterz]

Thank you all for your advice. Its really good to have an 'outsiders' input of the situation...

But I feel that me staying somewhere else will only make it worse on me I need to be at my home with my animals, etc... I can give him space bu staying in the bedroom when he's home & TRY not to hug or talk to him.

I keep asking him questions and telling him things to try & figure this out...

But No, there is No chance he is cheating. Lol. Another reason I HAVE to fight for him and hold on tight.. He is one of the very few men that is absolutely loyal and completely honest no matter what the outcome. I admire him so much & I want to be everything he needs & I believe I can be.. He just has to let me back in! I feel like he's blocking me out & its really keeping me miserable and I have no ambition to do anything! I cant even seem to get out and cut the grass or cleanup the house as needed. I should make him dinner but not sure I have the energy for that even What is wrong with me?! how do I at least ease this pain a little bit??? My poor dog has not left my side (in bed all day) & i feel sad that i can't find the energy to walk her or take her to the park or anything.. grrrrr

[Npeterz]

P.S. Him & I both would LOVE a professional's help.. But it is impossible with our current budget It's just not possible. I wish it were.. but thats y i posted on here. Lol. I just needed some input from an outside view from ppl that don't know me or him..

[mike588]

Thank you all for your advice. Its really good to have an 'outsiders' input of the situation...

But I feel that me staying somewhere else will only make it worse on me I need to be at my home with my animals, etc... I can give him space bu staying in the bedroom when he's home & TRY not to hug or talk to him.

I keep asking him questions and telling him things to try & figure this out...

But No, there is No chance he is cheating. Lol. Another reason I HAVE to fight for him and hold on tight.. He is one of the very few men that is absolutely loyal and completely honest no matter what the outcome. I admire him so much & I want to be everything he needs & I believe I can be.. He just has to let me back in! I feel like he's blocking me out & its really keeping me miserable and I have no ambition to do anything! I cant even seem to get out and cut the grass or cleanup the house as needed. I should make him dinner but not sure I have the energy for that even What is wrong with me?! how do I at least ease this pain a little bit??? My poor dog has not left my side (in bed all day) & i feel sad that i can't find the energy to walk her or take her to the park or anything.. grrrrr

 

Make an appointment right now to get profesional help! Staying in the bedroom is NOT GIVING HIM SPACE!!

 

As far as your animal take him with you, put him/her in an animal boarding place. If he leaves then you wont have to do that. Staying somewhere may make you feel worse but in the long run it's the best thing you can do.

 

You say you keep asking him questions,, Why? Your only pushing him further and further away. Is that what you want??????

Hes blocking you out cause you WONT LEAVE HIM ALONE!.

 

Everything your doing and saying is destructive. Please take our advise

 

You need to get a grip on yourself,, approach him calmly and cooly, dont cry or beg and say,, I know you said you need some space and I will respect that, is there a place you can go for awhile to gather your thoughts,, if not I'll look for a place,,( friends, family.)

 

By NOT doing this you are DOOMING you your relationship!!!!!!

 

Stop with the popcorn thing,, let me cook you dinner etc. etc.

 

Call NOW and seek professional help,, you have no idea how much that will help you and there is NOTHING wrong in doing that!!

[Npeterz]

Yes but professional help is too expensive for either of us right now. Its impossible.. although very desired by both of us. I would love professional help. I just cant afford it

I hope ur right about the space...

I fought at the beginning to get him in the first place by 'bugging' him.. Lol. It worked then so y wouldn't it work now???

Seems like the space i am giving is just causing further distant. I dont want that at all

[mike588]

You can find away to pay for it if you try. I thought you would DO ANYTHING to save this relationship.It's reassuring that he would go too.

 

Think about away to afford it. If you have a car loan talk to the bank, maybe they can defer one or two payments. Ask family for a loan, sell some gold jewelry theres gotta be a way if you try!!!

 

I /we don't know what else to say. It's up to you, if you really want this to work as you say you do follow our advise. One of you HAS TO LEAVE temporary,,, there is NO OTHER WAY!

 

What I said earlier about approaching him camly, telling him you respect his need for space will do alot for his feelings towards you, he will admire,appreciate and respect you for that.

 

Staying in the bedroom is NOT THE ANSWER,, your "energy" is still there.

[Npeterz]

Yes, you're right about that. I will certainly do what it takes.

I appreciate & I'm taking in all the advice.

BUT, there's ONE thing i'm still unclear about

WHY and What good is space going to do????? I feel like space will push us farther apart & then there will be no saving us

Sorry if I seem difficult. Lol. Just very heartbroken & I need the pain to go away.

[mike588]

Yes, you're right about that. I will certainly do what it takes.

I appreciate & I'm taking in all the advice.

BUT, there's ONE thing i'm still unclear about

WHY and What good is space going to do????? I feel like space will push us farther apart & then there will be no saving us

Sorry if I seem difficult. Lol. Just very heartbroken & I need the pain to go away.

 

I don't know how to explain it any better other than we have already said. he said he needs SPACE,, space means being away from you so he can think more clearly.

 

It's difficult to have SPACE when the issues are in the same house regardless if you hide in the bedroom,, your still there!!!!

 

Giving him SPACE will give him and you time to refelect on the problems and again will likely make him miss you, absense makes the heart grow fonder.

 

Space will not push you two further apart,, it will only HELP with the issues you two are dealing with. Have you ever been in a fight with an old b/f and you were mad and pissed off and he was there bugging you? Did'nt you feel like hopping in your car and leaving for a short time just to think without him being in your face?

[danceallday]

NP - This is really, really important - I do not want you to make the same mistakes I did. I had a long term relationship and I did every single thing wrong that I could have. Everything you are doing is pushing him further away. You need to visit the following site: Rori Raye and Christian Carter - follow Rori Raye's idea of "circular dating". Also Christian Carter has excellent tips for how to reclaim intimacy when the man is pulling away. It is natural for men to pull away, and as women we freak out (know this first-hand). You need to read their advice and leave him alone, but also do things for yourself (Rori Raye's circular dating). Also the Law of Attraction is that we want what we cannot have. Right now he can have you hook. line, and sinker; you need to show him your value and show him that you can have other things/men

 

Do not cry, do not try to convince him, do not be too available. If he asks you where you are going when you are all dolled up for a night on the town, just say "out".

 

Good luck.

[geegirl]

Yes, you're right about that. I will certainly do what it takes.

I appreciate & I'm taking in all the advice.

BUT, there's ONE thing i'm still unclear about

WHY and What good is space going to do????? I feel like space will push us farther apart & then there will be no saving us

Sorry if I seem difficult. Lol. Just very heartbroken & I need the pain to go away.

 

You are unclear about the space because you don't want to listen to what people are trying to tell you in that give him space so he can think and reflect and at least feel what it is like to miss what he had with you.

 

You want us to tell you that space will pull you together. We don't know that and I would safely guess that even he does not know what to do. The best thing to do is respect what he wants because you being in his face will constantly remind him of what he is feeling.

 

Go and find a friend or family to stay with. Tell him your reasons. Light a fire under his behind as well because this will jolt him into really thinking about things. Take your animals.

 

Being around him, eventhough you are locked in your room is not space. You both are still conscious of each other's presence.

[immitable]

I would also like to add that apart from everything being said, your husband/fiancee has a problem with communication.

 

I mean if something is bothering us during the relationship we should try to communicate that with the partner before it gets too late.

[mike588]

I totally agree. Thats why I recommended getting some professional help, regardless of the costs,, you will find a way if you VALUE THIS RELATIONSHIP like you say you do.

[Npeterz]

Another thing is we've had plentyyy of pretty horrible fights in our 6yrs together (no violence lol). As I know all couples do. BUT this is the worst ever. I have actually pushed him sooo far from being my stubborn, have to prove a point self, that he has actually lost the in love feelings for me which i'll prob never understand. He is the type that always said there should be no breaks from love, he always wanted to be with me, he said its always 'us' and not 'i' or 'me'...also, if i were to leave for a week or however long, what if he was actually comfortable without me there? Or what if he really doesn't miss me?? I don't wanna bring on something i wasn't forced to do. He never has asked me to leave. He said he was fine with the space i was giving. But Maybe I should stay at my moms for the weekend as hard as that'll be... I certainly realize, after this loongggg ass week of nothing but time to reflect, things i should have sacrificed for him no problem, etc.. I see the big picture just hopefully not too late. I neeed his love back. I'm so lonely and my heart just aches and aches WHY isn't he feeling lonely on the couch by himself every night??????? I just miss him so much. & we're in the same house. Lol. We're not arguing. But we're barely talking either. I make us dinner when i have the energy to & he eats it, laundry, etc..... Its like we're friends/roommates

[mike588]

Another thing is we've had plentyyy of pretty horrible fights in our 6yrs together (no violence lol). As I know all couples do. BUT this is the worst ever. I have actually pushed him sooo far from being my stubborn, have to prove a point self, that he has actually lost the in love feelings for me which i'll prob never understand. He is the type that always said there should be no breaks from love, he always wanted to be with me, he said its always 'us' and not 'i' or 'me'...also, if i were to leave for a week or however long, what if he was actually comfortable without me there? Or what if he really doesn't miss me?? I don't wanna bring on something i wasn't forced to do. He never has asked me to leave. He said he was fine with the space i was giving. But Maybe I should stay at my moms for the weekend as hard as that'll be... I certainly realize, after this loongggg ass week of nothing but time to reflect, things i should have sacrificed for him no problem, etc.. I see the big picture just hopefully not too late. I neeed his love back. I'm so lonely and my heart just aches and aches WHY isn't he feeling lonely on the couch by himself every night??????? I just miss him so much. & we're in the same house. Lol. We're not arguing. But we're barely talking either. I make us dinner when i have the energy to & he eats it, laundry, etc..... Its like we're friends/roommates

 

You are obviously not going to take any of our advise on the situation.Guess you like punishing yourself and living like room mates.

 

Your just putting a bandaid on a deep wound. You are blinded by love and don't see the real picture.

 

Good luck, I'm afraid you will need it.

[Npeterz]

My worst fear is if i leave for a few days or so & he realizes he doesn't miss me It hurts so bad. I just want him to come hug me already. & if space would help, why don't he leave & go stay at a friends or something??? I just don't want to make a bed that doesn't have to be. He never asked me to leave or said that it'd be easier on him... Idk, i'm just going insane!! I can't go on like this.. i need him back now.

[geegirl]

My worst fear is if i leave for a few days or so & he realizes he doesn't miss me It hurts so bad. I just want him to come hug me already. & if space would help, why don't he leave & go stay at a friends or something??? I just don't want to make a bed that doesn't have to be. He never asked me to leave or said that it'd be easier on him... Idk, i'm just going insane!! I can't go on like this.. i need him back now.

 

And if he realizes that he doesn't miss you, then you are going to have to accept that. Being in his face or stepping away physically from him will garner the same results at the end because he will make a decision for himself and what's best for him. But at least give it a fighting chance by stepping away and giving him the opportunity to miss you and what you both had. And if after that he still wants out, it's his decision. You being in his face, still has not given you the results you want. Try something else and it's the healthy thing to do in a situation like this. Would you rather force him to be with you and at some point still crash and burn or let him make a decision that both of you can and must live with, even if it means hurting you.

 

You're self-destructing. Step back please.

Edited September 16, 2011 by geegirl